I think we've swayed away from the "just for laughs" bit of that thread, but honestly, I don't find it all that much funny anymore - those things the Wookie said aren't funny...they're pitiful. What's worse, at the time he fully believed himself and his ca-ca.

Even worse (to me) is the UNoriginal thoughts that waywards think.

Blah.

I do not want to speak for Aph, but I wonder how many of us - it might be all or it might just be me - but how many made their decision to stay because it was the lesser of all of the evil choices?

I have the Kobayishi Maru statement below. It's from Star Trek II. It's a test where there is no "correct" choice of outcome, the only correctness is to minimize the fallout and casualties.

How many did that?

How many are content/happy/glad that they made that choice?

How many are not?

I fall under the content/happy/glad people. I knew the Wookie's capacity for goodness, I'd lived with it for quite awhile before his abject grief and self pity took over so I knew he had it in him.

I made my choices for my kids and my OCs and for me. I knew no matter what that healing was gonna hurt - if I kept him or not, it was gonna hurt bad. I felt/and feel that I minimized the hurt for ALL of us.

But then, I can totally see why Aph and others are NOT content now. I totally "get" Bob's one hand clapping statement b/c for A LONG while I was the only hand.

What is the point where you decide that your Kobayishi Maru failed or is failing?

I apologize if I was condescending Aph. My pur-lease was my knee jerk reaction...and I've had all night to think on it and this is something that is way more important than knee-jerkiness.

- Kimmy

I'm not sure which I am, need more time.
There is a third option to the Kobayashi Maru, reprogram the computer to allow it to be winnable.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru
Thats actually, kinda what I am trying to do with my life and marriage. Change the circumstances so that the current "No win" situation can be won.

Well said Gack.


I'm sure when everyone was standing around watching Jesus being nailed to a cross......they were ALL thinking "this is a no win situation".

I was so smugly asked before being shown off to the Island of Misfit Toys, just why am I here.


First off, I learned to be a master snooper and have huge amouts of advice from experience on how to catch a wayward on pretty much the first try.

Second, I have learned to catch the fog babble and deception in it's larval stage.

Third, I stand as the prime example of just how bad it can possibly go when the MB principals backfire.

It's like the side effect warning on a pharmacutical ad.


And note yet again, I am incapable of assembling such eloquent replies as others without long periods of thought as it's almost impossible to assemble them now. My brain injury from the massive blood loss left me no longer able to hold a train of thought properly. Even speaking to me, I will now stop in mid sentence, even tohough the thought continues in my head.

If I am short spoken and hammer fisted to the point, it's because I can't afford to sugar coat my replies as it is too difficult.

But I am far from stupid, the thoughts just get locked up in my head.

My choice could not be described as the lesser of evils. For one thing, I wasn't really given the option to stay. My choices were to (a) continue using MB principals to break up the affair and attempt recovery or (b) give it up and accept that I am going to be divorced. I chose b. Not because it was easier but because in my search for evidence of the extent of the A, I discovered a multitude of other things he had done to decieve me over the years. I realized that affair or not, this man was truly vile and had been using and abusing me - perhaps for the entire duration of our M. There was nothing to want back. There was only protecting myself from further harm.

So I suppose it is a form of lesser evil. But it has been going pretty well. I have faced my fears and dealt with many of my issues and I get stronger every day. I think it's probably easier to take this path. A marriage can't exist without 2 people while an individual can function alone.

Does it make me a winner? No. We lost even before we began the test. We are all victims of adultery and regardless of how we heal, we will still bear the scars as long as we live.

Hiya Kimmie !


I fought because its what I do. I had no idea how to respond in the face of such horror. But I strongly believe that when faced with a crisis :

* the best thing you can do is the right thing
* the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing
* the worst thing you can do is nothing

I had NO IDEA if I would have a good outcome by fighting and MB'ing, but it seemed a dignity-restoring path that was in keeping with my personality and instinct.

I wrestled the devil. And I won. Yay me

Once the heat of battle was over I was left with building the peace. That has been much more difficult. The affair tore away some flimsy coverings from some pretty broken parts of our M and our personalities. They are hard to address.

On dark days when I feel bested by the challenge to build a great M I do choose the least bad of some pretty grim choices. I get negative when I don't have a plan.

To some extent Kimmy ANY BS that chooses recovery has to develop some small tolerance for the flavour of dooty sandwiches IMO. For some lucky ones the rest of the buffet is so glorious they hardly notice after a while

After d-day, once I really started researching infidelity, I became convinced that getting a divorce would be like trading in a car I bought new and drove for 10 years, on a shinier used car.

The newer car is likely going to turn out to be a piece of crap, too.

At least I know what's wrong with my old piece of crap.

"Why not buy a brand spanking new car?"

I don't have the funds.

My choice was to stay and protect my children from the OW who won't go away and to protect them from my IL's who embraced OW/OC while rejecting me and my COM. Plus I do love my H. Would I have chosen this path without minor children? HECK NO!

You know, you could probably make her want to go away legally, if you're willing to look like a big meanie.

Until my H grows a set and gets visitation done legally my hands are tied. I have no problem being NC with my IL's and C with OW is minimal. Just enough to to know what is going on with OC. Besides, she got what she "wanted". She is raising her child away from me (albeit alone and not with my H either).

Doubtful when there is/are OC/s in the picture.

ESPECIALLY if there are COM also in the picture.

I do believe that after Constintine, your ex is next one in line the devil will collect his-very-own-self.