Read this thread aloud 3 times a day.











Now read it aloud again.



Your doing great!

I forgot what I wanted to say.

Had a great complement from my mom this morning. She said that my "expecting" belly is gone.

So that's a good thing to hear.

I've felt the pants get looser but the scale hasn't had some dramatic drop. I guess a little loss goes a long way.

We're really looking forward to trick or treating with the kids tonight and she loves DD6's female Jedi costume.

The kids will have a blast seeing her again.

I'm really glad they're getting to spend time with grandma. When you first posted, that was what upset me the most, lol, was that the ex kept the kids from her. Anyway, you're creating good memories for the kids. I wish I'd gotten to spend time like that with my grandma.

Ok. I guess I'll get back to my old thread and update again on the happenings in my life.

I have no idea if the ex will continue to read my posts or not now that the court stuff is over. I think it's weird that she does, but that's her problem and not mine.

I don't know what is happening lately, but I've had a ton of stuff just start going my way and it's weird.

I got a call from another company out of the blue. They have a position closer to my house which is roughly related to what I do now. I don't think they can match my salary nor do I think I want to switch, but it's nice to know I have options.

I have been moved within the Pentagon to another position which brings more responsibility and more things to do. That's been great as well.

I also got contacted by my company boss (not the Pentagon one) to tell me that he has me in mind for a position that puts me much closer to home and that places me in charge of leading an effort.

Combine all of that with the recent developments in the legal world and things are looking promising.

I've also been dating someone lately who treats me great and is fun to be with.

I'd love to say some more about her, but you know who is keeping tabs on this and we have a weird "7 Degrees of Separation/Keving Bacon" connection to my ex going which we didn't discover until earlier this month. It's hillarious since we were matched through eHarmony, but kind of weird that it's there.

So I simply wish to update and give thanks to the power above that good karma is rolling my way right now and good things have been happening.

It will be a Merry Christmas indeed.

If she still does, it is probably because she wants to know that she is still important to you... that you still think about her and obsess over her. She won't be happy when you have moved on, as you are doing. She will, at some level, likely always have regrets...

You work at the Pentagon? I worked there 11 years ago, right around this time of the year, on a short-term contract (two or three months.) I had to audit PCs in the Office of the Secretary, and I went a day or two before Christmas to the SecDef's own office to audit his PC. No-one was there, so a Marine Corps Staff Sergeant let me in. I remember I sat in his chair and put my feet up on his desk... just to say that I'd done so.

I walk through the big wig's hallway all the time. These are the same guys you see in the news or who were or are running the war and our ops all over the world.

I feel I work in a special place, despite the long drive to get here, and like the fact that I work here.

It's a good feeling and it's why I would be reluctant to leave this job.

But the long drive does take it's toll on me.

Before I started working there, we lived in an apartment within walking distance. The River House in Arlington, across the street from the Pentagon City mall.

I knew I'd be assigned to this project for a month before I started, but I didn't actually start until after we'd moved to our house in the suburbs, 45 minutes away. What a drag! For a month, I used my parking permit at the old building to park over there, until it expired (since the Pentagon lot was always crowded in the morning.)

The SecDef at the time I was there was Perry, and I did see him once in his office... but he was the only one I recognized. That was right before he left.

My father is a retired USMC officer, and he was working on the Joint Staff right before he retired, so I'd been there before, and gotten to see the NMCC. I was a Marine myself, so there wasn't any big problem.

When I worked there, my cousin was also working there. She was an Air Force officer working on some computer programming project. She worked on the project for 3 years, and then left the service when she had her baby... and the project was cancelled! So she felt like her whole time in was a waste!

It was a cool place to work... one of my favorites. The office they had me in was in the section of the Pentagon that was hit on 9/11 - but that was years after I'd left that project. I used to drive past the gaping hole every week when I'd pick my wife up at the Pentagon City mall on Saturday nights, back in our Bad Old Days.

I live out by Dulles Airport, 45 minutes away, and I'm working in downtown DC right now, so I know about the long commutes... my last job was 15 minutes from my house, but this job outweighs my last one in so many ways that it's worth it.

The holidays have come and gone. The kids came over and we had a nice time. I think they expected more gifts than they got, but they all got one big present.

There was the standard kid disaapointment over clothes as gifts, but it was relieving to me to see them get the clothes since they're in need of restocking.

Things are ok otherwise, but the ex and Darth WHNACG appear to be determined to continue litigating.

They aren't happy with the results of what I got and appear to be determined to go on fighting.

I have the confidence of knowing that the judge seemed inclined to give me a break.

He appears to have a desire to keep things alive on technicalities.

I guess it makes sense since his revenue stream will dry up if this case ends.

On other notes:

The VA is taking steps to help relieve my shoulder pain. I've been living with it for years. It started when I was a pilot (I thought they were headaches, but are linked to my shoulder) and am going to see an orthopedic doc about it. I just want to stop living off of ibuprofen and be pain free.

The VA is also helping me with my other medical care, and it's been good.

I really, really need to do something about my eating, weight, and BP. The running has helped, but I have to do more.

My cholesterol is atrocious. The lady said they could tell I eat too much junk food from my blood results.

Now that I have the funds I can afford better quality foods, so that will hopefully help.

I plan on eating lots of oatmeal and to continue running.

Finally, I've been dating someone now for a little over a month. She treats me great and it's been really nice.

She's also been very understanding of my "moments" when I'm dealing with the last spasms of legal protests by the ex.

There's a very funny story to share regarding something we discovered by accident when I was having dinner at her place, but that will have to wait till my litigation is over.

I'm so glad things are turning out well. And good for you for continuing to work on your health. I have a chronic back pain that even a chiropractor can't adjust - my muscles are too tight, and I'm waiting on my insurance to ok this new treatment this surgeon has developed, where they anesthetize you and go through the chiropractic adjustments while you're asleep and can't tense up; do it for 3 days in a row, and they have an 80% success rate in reducing chronic pain.

Don't forget to switch out your exercising types. Add in some stretching and yoga and kickboxing and such. Keep it up!

Had a great weekend with the kids.

We played Chutes and Ladders on Saturday and I spent Sunday trying to show DD6 how to ride a bike.

She had a blast trying, but it started getting cold.

I pulled out the telescope and showed them the moon through it. They weren't as impressed as I thought they'd be and the boys spent the time running around the telescope yelling, which I'm sure wasn't what the neighbors wanted to hear.

We took a peek at Venus as well, but it just didn't impress the kids much.

Oh well. Perhaps they'll appreciate it a little more when they're older.

Still no final word on my case. Waiting to hear if things are going to change from what the Master recommended or if there will be changes.

I just want it to be over.

I had a blast for New Years. Spent it with the teacher I've been dating and we had a good time with her friends.

She's very good to me. We'll see where things go.

I'll take the kids to church tomorrow, see if it's warm enough to do the bike thing once more, and probably bake and cook at home.

2009 is off to a good start.

I stayed home sick today and had a minor trigger.

The woman teacher I've been going out with was asking me about living conditions when I was deployed. I told her I had video I could show her.

So I went into my computer to find the videos I had of the war.

Well, there was video I had forgotten about. The same video of the war had video of when I came home.

I recorded the kids playing in their play area and how much fun they had chasing bubbles. There's a smile on my face but I remembered how I was not smiling inside at all.

This was video taken before I knew the ex had been cheating, but after she told me she wanted a D.

I looked through some more of it. It's amazing how much they've grown.

I forwarded some more and saw video of a kiddie pageant my DD entered. She looked gorgeous in her little dress. I was there and so was WW. This happened after D-Day and was miserable and with my thoughts constantly on her and OM and what they did.

If you saw the video you'd think we were a happy family. I remembered how miserable I was on that day.

I then found another video that I made for the family at home and showed them my crew, my tent, tent city, my sleeping area, and then had a private message sent to my then wife.

What stings is seeing how oblivious I was. That's what hurts the most. It's watching a movie where you know a character is about to get it and you can't do anything about it or warn him.

It stung to see myself so oblivious.

But that's past. Shows me that I should sit and watch old videos.

I did shed a tear at video of my boys so little. One year olds who couldn't even talk.

Those were happy tears. Nostalgic ones.

Your kids are lucky they have you.

You have no idea just how important little moments like that are. It's the little things that add up to what a person becomes. I heard a lot about gardening growing up; mom did some; dad did some; I tried and failed miserably, wanted to please my dad. But now, gardening is my greatest pleasure. Because it was important to them, and I soaked it all up as my own.

Just the same, my own D18 has my own beliefs. It's funny to hear her tell her friends something that I know I distinctly told her as it was my own opinion. And she has no clue she has picked it up from me.

I'll bet your kids grow up loving astronomy if you keep doing this every once in a while.

btw, my H gave me my second telescope last year, an electronic one! I haven't used it a single time since I got it. Need to learn how to slow down and smell the roses, like you are.

POMD, I just wanted to tell you this:

I've been catching up on a lot of threads in the last couple days, and it is so very obvious that you have a kind, helper's heart. You are taking a lot of time to give advice to other BH who are in the worst times of their life, and that is so commendable.

There are those who never recovered their marriages, but who have benefitted MarriageBuilders so much with their 20/20 hindsight and their devotion to their children and doing what is right.

Thank you for being a beacon of light to other strugglers, and being a fine example of a wonderful loving father. The world needs more like you.

Thanks for the kind words. I quit posting for a while to take a break and because exww reads my postings, but I came back to help other BHes and keep them from committing the same mistakes I made.

Things on this end are going well. The woman I'm dating is really cool, the kids are doing well, I have financial relief, and the ex is dropping her appeals and accepting what we've been given.

Now I just have to get to work on losing 30 pounds and all will be great.

POM, I for one am grateful for you sticking around and giving me advice. You've been a strength to me.

I also enjoyed reading your thread here and seeing you move on with your life. You seem to be doing very well. I look forward to the time when I am on the other side of my battle. I still have mixed feelings. I sometimes miss my WW (although briefly). Other times I look forward to moving on.

Anyway, reading your thread gives me some perspective and gives me some comfort to know that things will eventually become somewhat normal again..

Unfortunately there's much you've missed since I had to delete a bunch of posts because of the ex.

You can also find some old stuff under the names mustangdriver and papaof3.

But if you really want some inspiration and a bunch of belly laughs read chrisner's thread. He sank in the depths of where we've all been and is a real source of great support here to many of us looking for humor in the pain we've experienced.

I've been in tons of pain lately and am going to finally get some help with figuring out why. I get daily headaches from either a torn tendon in my shoulder or from a pinched nerve in my neck. The docs can't figure out which one yet.

But they're looking into it and it is hopefully not going to cost me an arm and a leg anymore. I may even have some long term benefits from it, which would be great, but I just want the pain to stop.

Things are going very well with the teacher I've been dating. She is most definately making regular deposits in the bank. We have a very similar sense of humor, which is a big plus. She asked me this week if there was a healthy meat that I wanted her to make for us and I told her that I'm all for Moose, Ostrich, or Buffalo. What I like about her is that she takes a joke I make and runs with it.

So she says she's prepping Pineapple Moose for us one of these nights.

She laughs at my nerdiness and has an appreciation for Weir Al. How can you not like a woman who appreciates the talents of Weird Al?

BUT....

My friends from my divorce group still think she's a red flag.

They've never met her, but they think she's a red flag since she's separated and not officially divorced. I had a whole thread about this subject. Seems like the concensus was that a BS (her) has the right to terminate a marriage and move on with their life.

My friends are concerned that she hasn't processed things yet. But it wasn't a long marriage and I can honestly say that I would have gotten over my ex really quickly if I found out she had cheated on me and we didn't have kids.

I've seen several women who have dumped their husbands without regrets once infidelity came to light. Granted, most of the quick turnarounds have been from women with short marriages or no kids or who were in marriages that were broken for a looooong time before infidelity pretty much broke the camel's back.

She treats me awesome, is very attentive, has a great sense of humor, and we have a lot of laughs together. I'm keeping my eyes open for any signs of trouble.

Awww POMD, only yesterday I was giving you kudos, and now I'm gonna have to drag out the old 2x4. Don't be dating the married women! Separated is still married. The world's not coming to an end quite yet..you have plenty of time to look for single women or wait for a divorce to be final. You really do NOT need the complications this brings, and neither does your lady friend or her family.

And it sets a terrible precedent for others; after all, SOOOOOOO many married people who date, CLAIM to be separated. I'm not saying your friend is being dishonest, but I really think you will be happier and prouder of yourself in the long run if you do this in the right order.

Did you see my thread about this subject?

There seemed to be a healthy debate about it.

Here were my thoughts on it:

A BS has the right to end a marriage right then and there. Both biblically and legally.

It takes a long time to divorce.

Some people get over it much more quickly than others. It's usually the betrayed that have a harder time letting go, but some of the betrayed have their feelings for the wayward killed because of the affair.

I knew that some on MB would see this as an affair because she was still legally married.

Yet biblically she has the right to divorce.

So in a sense, she and any other BS who wishes to divorce a cheating spouse is basically kept hostage with carrying on with their life until there's an official blessing of the divorce.

So the question then becomes: Why should a BS put their life on hold because they were cheated on and chose to end their marriage?

I've met several women who have divorced cheating husbands without a single regret.

I know of one man who did it. He found out the wife was cheating and dropped her like a hot potato without remorse, regret, or any crying or BS reaction at all. To him the infidelity killed any and all feelings for his wife.

He separated from her and didn't see her again until the day of the hearing for the D.

I know of divorces that take years. So why should a BS put their life on hold?

Biblically speaking this is one of the very few times divorce is allowed.

So if it is over and a BS has no desire to reconcile, why should they wait to carry on with their life?

We're not talking about a RA. It's really over and all that's left is the mandatory waiting period.

Believe me, knowing wayward mindsets and justifications, I grilled this woman about her marriage, what happened, what is happening, and why she is dating before the divorce is official.

We've had a couple of long discussions about it.

I'm pretty satisfied that she's not desperate to be with someone, like some of the women I've met in my DivorceCare group who appear to be literally desperate to be with someone.

She's not like that at all and has a pretty good head on her shoulders.

She was cheated on. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Short marriage. No kids. He cheated.

I've advised a couple of BHes like her and have told them to do exactly what she's doing. She'd leaving him, counting her blessings that there's no kids, and is young enough to carry on with her life.

I've told many many men on this board to do exactly that with their cheating wives that they have no kids with and have only been married to for a very short time.

We had a healthy discussion about this on my other thread. What are your two cents on it?

I think its easy to say, "wait till it's official" but what if you don't wish to especially when you, as the BS, have the right to end it right then and there with a cheater?