I just read your story, I will be downloading that damn software tonight

Good!

This is not about being mad. It's about protecting yourself.

Not knowing what to do and not trusting yourself are very normal after dealing with such a betrayal. Hope you are doing some nice things for YOU.

Well here's the latest news in this never-ending saga. The OW lives with her mom, the OW beats up her mom in an argument earlier this week. The mom then goes to my H's sister's beauty salon to tell her that the OW is crazy and that she (the mom) is moving out and that the OW probably won't be able to handle the bills alone which will require my H's help. The OW’s mom has never met my H just knows his sister from getting her hair done.

Now the part that pisses me off is that the OW mom is trying to bring my H's family into their mess. What the hell are they suppose to do for her. He didn't want the baby and doesn't even talk to her other than to give her money. He hasn’t given her anything since I found out about this mess.

So of course I find this out last night which caused the anger to boil up all over again. I am trying to work thru this but my lord how much can I take. I haven't even told my family yet.

First, how ridiculous. OW mom should call the police on her. 2nd your H is going to eventually be on the hook for CS if the DNA proves the child is his. Soooooooo, why not suggest he file first?

Suggestion made and supposedly in the works. I called him this morning to see if he called her to find out what the heck is going on over there. He indicated that the kid is with the OW's mom while she attends school.

Now that makes me wonder how much an assault this could have been if they are all cool again so fast. Her and her mom might be playing some type of sympathy games. Not sure, all I know is I need to have a plan for how to deal with this mess.

At some point I'm going to have to see her, I'm thinking sooner is better than later given the circumstances.

The OW sounds a lot like my sons' father's OW. This is probably just the start of a long series of dramas that she will use to involve your husband in her life.

He needs to establish DNA proof that the child is his and get some legal protection.

If the OW is collecting welfare, and hubby turns out to be the father, he may owe back welfare payments.

How does she support herself?

ITA.

She sounds like VD and her family.

Tread carefully.

Well today was the big day. My H offered to watch the OC for the first time while the OW goes to school. I met her for the first time this morning and I was floored. This B I T C H was at least 225lbs. not his type at all. I felt like a super model. Of course I made sure that I looked great, you can never let anyone see you sweat.

But anyways she comes over this morning, drops the kid off. I say immediately that he needs to go get a DNA test. This kid doesn't look anything like him or my daughter or my stepson. Not that looks matter that much but I didn't see any resemblance what so ever, so we are definitely doing the test before anything else moves forward.

She was so apologetic this morning because she was late. It looked like she was trying to get all dolled up but it would have taken her a lifetime to look better. I almost felt bad for him.

I asked him how he felt about the kid, he said he feels nothing but obligated because he knows he messed up. He hardly even looked at the boy just put him in front of the TV and started unpacking his bag.

I was so shocked to see her; I thought she would be this really beautiful woman with endless legs, long beautiful hair, and breast to die for. My lord she was short, fat, dressed sloppy, and was not worthy of my belly aching at all. If the kid is his he has to deal with the embarrassment of knowing he laid down with someone that looked like that. She is the type I would think a man would keep a secret.

Any that's the update for the day. I am really forcing that DNA test now.

She was SUPPOSED to be his dirty little (snort) secret.

Too bad she figured that one out before he could GET out.

It's just funny. If I cheated I would have upgraded. She is definitely a downgrade. He told me she was just something to do, and now I believe it. That doesn't make it any better but it did make me smile. What an idiot. Very cute baby though

LOL, well that must have been a good feeling! But it often happens that way.

Get the DNA test - my son's sister paid $1200. But that was after the father had died, and it was more complicated. It was a sibling DNA test.

The DNA is going to happen really quickly, it has to. I can't stand do see this going the way that it is. I saw the kid for the first time today and there was nothing familiar in his face. I just don't believe it. I could be wrong but damn he doesn't look like any of my H's kids or any of my H's family.

But with regards to her my vote is "Boo". I can't believe she came over here looking like that. I was truely stunned, almost offended that this man would cheat on me with that.

When we dropped him off tonight she had the nerve to ask my H if I was left alone with the child. He went off, I couldn't believe the nerve she had saying that. I don't want your baby, I wish he never popped up on the scene, but I wouldn't do anything to him.

I don't know who she thinks she is trying to dictate how this is going to work. I can tell this is going to be a dramafest.

Stay tuned!

She is a STOW (stereo typical other woman). They ALL believe the evil BW will harm the precious OC.

Yeah I guess she is. I saw him for the first time yesterday and didn't feel anything positive or negative towards him. I know one thing I am having a very hard time accepting this. I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

I talked to my H about taking care of the kid but I meant once paternity is established. This nut calls the OW and offers to baby-sit like an idiot. The kids diaper bag and stuff is all in my house. It's just hard to watch.

I told him this morning that I think he should be cautious and slow down. He got mad and said the only reason he did anything was because I told him he had to take care of the kid. I didn't mean without DNA. Now he thinks I'm saying this stuff because of emotions, I think it's common sense.

I don't know what to do now, he is mad thinking I purposely causing confusion.

I know one thing if he really believes that she doesn’t want anything he is in for the shock of his life. He claims that she doesn’t want anything just for him to be a part of the child’s life. I think that is highly unlikely

I would get the DNA test done soon. In our state if you file for support and do not end up being the father there is no charge for the paternity test. If your H IS the father then you have a 18 year relationship with OCSE.

Im sitting here at the computer with the OC next to me. Her and my daughter who is 15 months older look like twins. I had great hopes that JUST MAYBE a paternity test would be negative. My husband had lied and done one in March of this year. It was 99.99%

Im glad you felt beautiful next to the ow. I didn't she was 22 years old tall, leggy, big breast long dark hair. But on the other hand morally she is disgusting. So when I start feeling jealous I remember that my husband chose to come back to me not her beautiful body. Sorry to rant on your thread. Missed you all lately!

Hurting

Butting in where I don't belong only to say that from this description it sounds like you guys aren't communicating very fully about this. I can definitely understand why that would be the case. It's so painful, that you are probably keeping your words to an absolute minimum. And he's hardly going to risk adding to your pain by asking for clarification. But this is probably where you should focus some energy: talking about this painful topic thoroughly to make sure you are both on the same page.

You might start by sitting him down and saying you realize there were some unspoken assumptions about all this, and you apologize for your part in it. So now you'd like to work with him so there is absolutely no understanding. You think he should do XYZ (spell out sequence, contingencies, roles, and responsibilities). Then let him respond with what he thinks about that, or what obstacles he perceives. With more back and forth, hopefully you can establish a plan for moving forward that you both understand fully and agree on.

Sending my best wishes to you in this hard time.

Yeah tried that yesterday. Called him from work after I posted the last message. He goes off about everything going on in his life, childhood abuse, feeling out of control of the situation and fully breaks down crying on the phone. I was in tears he is very sorry and doesn't know what to do. He told me that he is going to do it his way and that I am trying to control everything. So I told him that I will step out of it.

I will not have any part of this mess. The kid is not mine and for all I know it is not his and until I know I will be nice to the kid but I will not play mommy. He needs space to think this thing thru which to me should have been done a long time ago.

I'm still here but it's not the same. The future is not looking so bright and not sure if I even care anymore. He said that he needs me to not be so emotional and to try to let him fix this situation and our marriage. I feel that he has been doing things his way all this time and that is why we are here now.

In any case the kid is with him again today, he is very cute and lovable. My daughter was with him the other day but has not been told if he is her brother or not. I didn't like that either but I'm going to have to deal with that part sooner or later anyway.

Give him a couple days to settle down, and then try to talk to him again. Or maybe you could write him a letter.

Doing it HIS way is not the answer. That's how he got to be baby's daddy.

And don't be fooled into thinking all of this has nothing to do with your life. For one thing, he is not POJA'ing this with you. For another thing, the OW COULD go on welfare, and if hubby is later proved to be the father, he could owe hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I have a friend whose wife left him to live with another man in another state. She took all of his children and hid them from him and collected welfare. He ended up owing over $100,000. when she came back to him 6 years later.

I urge you to scrape together enough money for at least ONE phone appointment with the Harleys - much cheaper than back payments or divorce, or another OC.

Trust on this one.

Even tho we have custody of the children now, we JUST paid off the back CS last year.

And if you are even a little behind it goes on your credit report.

We are buying a new house and even though it's paid off now, the CS still appears like we are in arrears b/c the CS office is so behind on taking everything off. So we have to have a hard copy to supply to the new mortgage company that proves that we owe them nothing.

It follows you around...even though YOU weren't the one that messed up.