My husband and I separated last Christmas Eve (domestic violence while I was pregnant, plus he gave me an std while I was pregnant) and had been working on trying to get back together since April of this year. He would come over, be with me and the babies (2 years old and 8 months) and we would live as a family for a good week or two before he would act a fool again with the staying out late, hanging with friends, drunkeness and arguing. We'd separate and then about a week or two later we'd be back together.

The last time he was staying here was in September (last month). We got into another argument (over some stupid stuff but he chose to leave here and move in with one of his older (60 years old) male friends. During this time he met a 49 year old woman at the house (she was friends with his friend). She pursued him and then he started receiving homemade meals and wake-up calls (he works the night shift and she was calling him to make sure he gets up in time for work---that is what an alarm clock does) from her. She would take meals to his job (something I rarely do), too. Also, once when he couldn't get me on the phone, he called her for a pack of smokes...and she took them to him. He has family and friends that would have brought them to him.

Well, he said that they haven't had sex (he says that he wouldn't dare sleep with an old woman). He says that she likes him and that he would continue to receive meals from her if she brought them to him...even if he is with me (especially if he is broke and can't eat out or if I don't cook). I told him that that was adultery and he said that I can't get mad if someone treats him better than I do.

Anyway, he has been staying back at home with me and the kids since last Saturday. During this time he has "acted" like he wants to be here and like he doesn't want to divorce (we had spoke of divorcing). We have had sex, too. He is off on vacation, but he still leaves at least twice to "hang out with friends" for about 3 hours at a time. He hasn't eaten a meal since last night and when I offered him something to eat he turned it down. I think he has been over her house.

He wasted some cologne in his car a long time ago, but ever time he comes home it is "loud as if he fell in it." I don't know if that is to cover up a scent or what. It was rather loud last night when he came in.

DO you think I should just move on and divorce because it seems to me like he is still with her or someone else.

Sorry so long.

I have heard that before many times, and so has many a betrayed wife on these forums. Snoop and verify independently whether or not they have been at it. Then get Plan Aing if you want to save your marriage.


My God... If only he knew what he was really saying to you...

GH31

Well, he is hurting me with all of this silence. Everytime I try to work stuff out, he'll say, "I don't want to talk about it."

Let's see, domestic violence and an STD while you were pregnant, stays out late drinking, and now has a woman on the side and doesn't want to talk about it.

I would not have him in the house until he gets some anger management and works on his issues.

Strike 1
That is about as bad as it gets. Domestic violence when you were pregnant???

Strike 2

Strike 3

Strike 4
Gosh, he seems like such a good guy! I believe him! (Yea right...)

Strike 1 on you. Why would you have sex with this guy? He gave you an STD! He hurt you when you were pregnant. He gets drunk and he cheats.

He is covering something up.

Right now you need to step back from the emotion of all of this and ask yourself if this is how you want to be treated? I am sure you still have an emotional attachment to this guy but you don't deserve this.

I hate to recommend divorce because divorce is awful. But unless he makes some changes, it won't get better.

Also, you need to get help so you can figure out why you allow someone to treat you like this.

Take care...