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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,094
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ok i don't usually respond to myself but i just wanted to add this. I read your w's thread and some questions have arisen.
are you currently in an A? if so WHY? and how can you talk of finding God and be cheating on your w? that my good man is an oxymoron (sp)
i can think of only one excuse that you could possibly use for having an A and that is not much of an excuse.
so i would suggest that you get on board with the MB principals and end your current A (if this is true).
me-59 ww-55
married 1979 - together since 1974
6 kids together 15,19,21,23,29,30
my oldest son 37
d-day (confession day) memorial day 2001
oc born 12/20/01
now 8 grandchildren
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
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Moving past the child not being mine is only one issue we do have several others. The resentment that has built up in me towards her is one of my issues that I am trying to overcome.
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Joined: Oct 2008
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No, no bio kids, this child was suppose to be the first and even used a name that my wife had picked out when we dated in 1990.
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Your response actually does make me think. I do love all the children even with them not being in the home with us, if they called I would go and help them.
It is just a lot to take in and deal with.
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Am I currently in an A, no it ended. Yes, she did find out about it and yes, it almost followed to a t what is written on how A start.
My excuse, their is no justification for it happening. She has also admitted to an emotional A with the bio father, however it was not as regular as mine.
No excuse, no justification, only a plea of forgiveness from God and my W.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 173
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Sorry you are in this situation. We all seem to be in the same kind of boat. Just have one word of advice.............you and W should NOT be posting on the same board. Especially if you both can read each others threads.
This should be a place for you to vent your feelings, get advice etc. These are your private thoughts, ones that maybe you are not yet ready to share with your wife.
I think reading each others posts at this point can do more damage than good.
You have been a father to this child since birth. YOU are his father. Wouldn't you love him just as much as if you and W had adopted him because you couldn't have bio kids of your own?
ALso, how did you find out the child wasn't yours?
God Bless!
Hurt
Me: BS-37
WH: 39
OC born 6/08
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Joined: Oct 2008
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You are right about reading the threads. Although I find it a contradiction to "radical honesty".
The posting from Believer said the same thing about reading the threads. When I told my W she didn't agree and still reads and therefore I will read, however no longer post. I do agree with you.
I found out via dna testing on my own behalf without W. knowing I was doing it and I should have told her ahead of time, my mistake.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
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DS -
DNA doesn't MAKE a parent. It makes GENETICS.
My step-dad raised me. He is my REAL dad. HE was the one that was there for us...not my bio-dad.
I am not step anything to my OCs. I'm MOMMY.
Period.
Sure, they have a mom...but I am MOMMY. THEY made me that. Love made me that.
Think on it.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,094
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ok you love all the children. you love your w. and you know what signs to look for on how to avoid an A.
now let's move on. if your w wants this M along with yourself. then i will try and give you some simple advice on how to move forward.
1st you both have to put the PA/EA from each other behind you. never bring them up again.
what you need is a plan to move forward. that is where the MB principles will come into play
loving the children is a no brainer if it is in your heart.
me-59 ww-55
married 1979 - together since 1974
6 kids together 15,19,21,23,29,30
my oldest son 37
d-day (confession day) memorial day 2001
oc born 12/20/01
now 8 grandchildren
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