Hello, I just found out about my husbands problem. I am so confused he revealed everything he has done in the last 15 yrs and he said he is sick!!!!!!!! After hearing everything I do believe that he is very sick. We have started therapy together and seperate. We have four children, and I am trying so hard to be strong for them, because I don't know what the end result is going to be. We told our family and close friends so we both have someone to talk to. He said that it was just like a game and none of them mattered. He has only loved me and I am the only one he made love to. After talking to the therapists I realize this can be true, But I can't even begin to understand.

It has only been with women, not children or not anyone who wasn't willing.

Hi Crushedat40,

Welcome to MB but sorry for your pain.

Have you heard of Recovery Nation? I am not personally familiar with RN or your challenges but I've heard that the RN program is effective.

I'm sure others will have additional suggestions for you.

Glad you are able to get professional help and I hope you can stay strong for your children.

Again, Welcome.....and hugs to you (((((((Crushedat40)))))

Ace

Thank You Ace,

I have never heard of that, but I will sure look into it, I would do anything to give me a little strength and understanding. I just never heard of anything like this before, I thought of an affair, but not this. Oh well I am glad I found this place, and I know I don't feel alone anymore. Thanks again!!!!

RecoveryNation has an excellent partners section. As you read there, you will see you are not alone, and will probably recognize signs of sex addiction in your husband.

It is hard to believe, but sex addiction is not about sex, but is a response to some FOO issues. Most of the gratification is in hiding and arranging things.

I think he will need to be in a SA program IRL.

And right now he needs to start taking extraordinary precautions to protect you.

Do you know why he suddenly came clean?

Hello and thank you for responding, I noticed depression setting in and he started taking medication, I just talked to him one day and said I feel like I am crazy I feel that you have been unfaithful, and I can't think any other way, I asked him to be honest with me and the flood gates opened up, we called his mom and dad, and he told them everything and then he went to my family and friends. He said he couldn't do this anymore and he stopped 11 months ago, slipped into a depression of the person he was and has been and the fact of losing me and the kids. And he said he finally came to terms with how sick he was and he was ready to find out why. Thanks

Wow, it doesn't happen that way very often. I think that is very encouraging. Usually they just continue to hide it.

You HAVE gotten checked for STD's, right?

Believer's one of the best C@40. You are fortunate that your H is seeking help. That's one of the biggest hurdles, like Believer says.

Best wishes to you.

Ace

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

My husband is a recoverying sex addict. He's been in recovery for about 20 months now. In our case, I've found that healing from the sex addiction trama is just like healing from an affair. Though, you have a double whammy-affair and addiction.

Are both of you seeing sex addiction therapists? This is the way to go. Unfortunately, mainstream therapists don't often recongize sex addiction as something real.

You might want to read either "Out of the Shadows" or "Don't Call it Love" by Patrick Carnes. It explains sex addiction. "Lonely All the Time" by Earle was also recommended to me by my husband's therapist. There's also COSA and SAnon for your support.

I would also encourage you to go to Recovery Nation. The lessons you go through help you find your values and your boundaries. The goal of the lessons is to get you to operate from a position of strength, rather than acting as a reaction to your feelings.

My husband's therapist told us it would take 3-5 years to work through this. From my personal experience and watching the experiences of other's, I'd say this was pretty accurate. Our personal healing took a year. Then we were starting to work on our marriage, while still healing ourselves. Now we are to the point where we are asking for help so we learn how to communicate with each other.

Yeh, I guess I can feel better that it is out and he wants help and he told me everything. No, I haven't got checked for STD's yet. I am going on Monday. Thanks Again

Hello, I did go on Recovery Nation and so far it is addicting LOL I hate that word, but I will get over it. I will purchase those books I love to read and understand, I think that is part of healing. Thanks Again. Yes we are seeing a sex therapist

I haven't said anything on your thread because I honestly don't have a clue what to say to you. But I care, in that weird cyber way that strangers can care. I know you're hurting and don't know which way is up right now.

I think you're getting great advice, and I'm glad you're here and I'm glad RN seems like it will be a helpful resource for you.

Like I said, NOTHING to contribute really, but I wanted to say *something*. It all sounds so weak - "Hang in there," "It will get better," and so on.

Y'know C@40, I don't know much about your challenges but like Turtlehead, I care, too.

Slight TJ for Turtlehead,

I appreciate your words of wisdom, even when you say you don't have anything to say. Your caring is evident in all the posts I've seen from you.

According to your sig line you registered in 2002. Is your story linked somewhere?

/end TJ

Thanks,
Ace

Thank You for responding, I don't expect everyone to know what to say at this point, but atleast I know people care. Thanks Again.