Fighter, sometimes blowups can be a good thing. I threw a "tantrum" one night because my H made a comment that set me off. I said things to him that I thought I would never say. I felt horrible at the time but it certanly opened up the communication between us. It made my husband realize how deep the hurt and resentment was. I think the Plan A stuff is great, but a little dose of honest anger can go a long way too. <P>Hang in there. Don't leave right now. Take time for both of you to calm down, then use this as a way to discuss all the feelings you have been keeping inside.

fighter,<BR>If you are intent on moving out for awhile, please, please do your best to reassure her. I still don't agree that moving out is the best to save your marriage. Sleep in separate rooms, arrange for different times to be there, whatever. Staying in the same house makes the little wonderful things possible. I know you are afraid of yourself right now, and a counselor can help there. Think how hard it must have been for your wife to be honest with you about her affair, to deal with your anger. As mad as you are about what she did, she has stayed to help you through this the best way she can. SHE STAYED. How would you have felt if she told you all about her affair, then left? How would you feel if you worked so, so hard for the past year, then she went back to the OM? Abandoned? Doubly betrayed too? I don't care about my H's so-called noble reasons for divorcing me or leaving me. Fact is, he wasn't man enough to do for me what I tried to do for him, and that was to stick around to help heal. Yea, it is hard, but from a person who has been both betrayed and a betrayer, I think it is much harder to be the betrayer if you have any kind of conscience after the fact.

Sha, It is hard to go from being a raving psycho to a rational person in a few minutes. Resentment is definitly it. And an angry resentment at that. Deliver was the best. it was too good. Like a laser guided munition down her ventilation shaft. Thats the problem. If I was in control of myself, I would have never had told her that. It was something I should have carried to my grave. I had thought that since we hardly ever saw this friend, that I could deal with it on my own. <P>Betrayed, this was not a good blow up. THis was "Betrayed of the Seringeti". I was relentless and and unedited in this soliqullial assault. She knows how deep it is and has told me so on many occations. I need to back away so that she can recover herself. I'm afaid at this point I can offer her no comfort. I will give it time and return. Hopefully I can get in to see the shrink soon. <BR>Student, the problem was that it was not hard for her to be honest with me because she lied to me the whole time. I hired the PI to get her to stop the lying. Just one of the many things that makes me angry. Everything else you have said is true.<BR>The problem is that whether it is once or 50 times, it is just as bad. I need to get help and then reapproach this. When all of this came about, all of her supporters, friends, Mother and OM went running for the tall grass leaving her alone and have to deal with one angry SOB. She has had to take all of the crap for everyone and I have done my best not to dump on her. I'm not leaving her, I am just giving it time and space....