Hi New to this site. I have been married for ten years I have three beautiful girls and I love my husband, I just don't think I am in love with him. I feel lonely like I'm not even married I just read Mom's Need, Dad's needs keeping the romance alive even after the kids arrive it was wonderful and I gave it to my husband in the hopes that he would read it he has showed no interest. Affection, attention, recreational activites these are all things I crave from my husband and for some reason he does not understand. I have tried to explain it to him I tried planning a romantic day once a month taking turns each person plans it for the other surprising them with the things they enjoy. I took my husband downtown to a magic show we walked around the city and watched a ball game at a bar with a few of his friends. Then about three months later I suggested that we rent a row boat at this nearby forest preserve we did that talked a little and then went to the movies but I'm sick of the movies we don't get to talk and we are inside when we should be doing something active outside. I'm lost and scared how do I talk to him, about it because he will turn things around and make me feel bad. I'm recently a stay at home mom first year my girls are young and it just made sense with gas prices and school. For some reason I feel guilty that I do not contribute. I feel depressed and lonely I need advice on what to do and what will be the best way for me to approach my husband. I do not want to have sex with my husband because it feels empty, I want that love that has meaning because he takes the time to show me he cares and loves me he says it but again it's empty words. You can love someone and not really be IN LOVE with them is this the case for my husband maybe he too is not in love with me any more. Please any advice.

Welcome. You posted on the infidelity forum and the emotional needs forum will probably be a better place. The folks there are experts in teaching YOU how to change so hubby will have to change.

Although your situation seems hopeless to YOU, it can be changed and you can have the marriage you always dreamed of. Hope you will read a lot of the things on this site that are FREE and can help you make a better marriage, even if he is not that interested right now.

Part of your problem might be the new SAHM gig. I know that deep down you realize that there is no greater purpose in life than taking care of your kids and family. However, society, while it gives lip service to women staying home, really is not too supportive.

I suggest you get involved in a women's support group to help you right now, until hubby gets up to speed.

Thanks so much for the reply sorry I posted on the wrong page. It has been strange staying home I will take your advice on talking to someone thanks again.

I've been in your shoes before and I just sat my husband down and said "I'm not happy. This is not working for me and I feel like I'm vulnerable. I love you and I want to be married to you but something has to changee. I need your help fixing this. Will you please help me?"

Guys hear you better if you ask for them to help you fix things. If you just say you're unhappy all they hear is that you are criticizing them.

Spell it out. Make it VERY clear that you are not looking but that you are miserable and therefore fear you are vulnerable to an affair if a man showed you attention. Tell your H you don't want that to happen. Ask for his help. Spell it out.

You will have to tell him more than once.
Be very clear, and blunt - but be kind. He will have a hard time hearing your message because it's something he doesn't want to hear. He'll want to ignore it in the hopes that it goes away.

Whatever you do, do NOT spend any time (even email or phone time) one-on-one with any man other than your H right now. You are very smart to work on this now, and he's a very lucky man. He just doesn't know it yet.