I am so numb right now. I don't know whether to believe him.

I found some things on his former work email account. It was messages past from him and OW. I almost feel sorry for her as he really played her, she is a person he would never want a relationship with, just her type of attitude and weight (FWH doesn't like really thick people). Anyways I confronted him. And he started admitting 'the real truth'. He said it was more than 5 times, he is not sure it could be around 10 put no more than that. I found out the [censored] in OUR car twice, he took her to a hotel once overnight were they [censored] twice. And then the other times was at her place. He said they hadn't talked or seen each other since calling it off in July, he lied about that too, they chat online a few times and talked on the phone.

After this I just broke down and got in a really angry stage I never thought I could do. He had tears in his eyes, but to me they were not good enough, I have seen them before.

I then told him when will he just tell me the truth and stop lieing. He then proceeding to say he has something else to say.

THEN THE MOST SHOCKING NEWS OF ALL........


He said she called him about 2 weeks ago saying they need to talk, so what did he do, he went over and WHAT THE [censored] DO YOU THINK HAPPENED. Yep, they did it again. He said he felt really bad and it had nothing to do w/ our sex life as it was fine at that point, it had to do with him and his selfishness. This is the first time since he said it ended in July(and 5 weeks after he confessed to be he was having on) and that during that time to then he was still in and out of it (not sure what to believe, i guess was the fog).

He said it was just for sex, but that he did lead her on to the point where she believed he was getting a divorce and started falling for him. I saw another message from a next person that he also tried, by joking around asking 'when are u going to invite me over' the same time he was having an A with this one. But the other one had enough self-esteem and respect to not study him because he was a married man.

He went on to say that he hates who he has become(mind you this is not the husband I married and he has said so also)and he truly wants us to recover. He realizes that he wants his family, he at first was hoping I opt for a divorce(which he did tell me when he first confessed). I ask him how do I even know if I can trust him again, what would he say. He said that 'he would say I should trust him now as he has doesn't want to live like this' but knows that right now I wouldn't be able too.

He really did seem more sincere this time and I wouldn't have known about the last one unless he told me. He called her later that day infront of me and told her he is working things out with his wife and he doesn't want her to contact him, by phone, email or anything. I heard her on the other end just saying 'OK, OK, OK'. He also told me that they was suppose to meet up that SAME NIGHT but that he had already decided not to.

This morning he came and held me and said he just wants us to be close again. I am in tears now as I am numb. I don't know what to believe.


Lord just gave me peace

Right now I just can't understand how somebody could be so inconsiderate. He knows right from wrong, how could he not choose the right thing after seeing me for the last 5 weeks after his confession. Even if he was still out of it, they really still can't use their heads.

He also said he left right after, he felt bad and it was just not worth it. How about not going over when she called to 'talk' in the first fing place. We also talked about a lot of other stuff. The talk really helped me.

I just want the old H I knew back. The one who would not have thought to do this. The one when a nuetral girl friend of ours stop by the apt. when I wasn't there, he called me right away and told me and ask what should he do. That is the man I want back.

ETA: He also said that he doesn't want to be this type of person that he has become. That he loves me and knows that, that is hard for me to understand because of what he did. And the only person he wants to have sex with is his wife. He wants this R and his family.

Don't believe him.
I'd insist upon an in person visit with OW. The 3 of you.

Have H call OW and set up a coffee shop meeting. Don't tell OW that you will be there too.

In front of THE BOTH OF YOU, he must tell her he was using her for sex, he has no feelings for her, she was a sperm depository, nothing more.


Tell your H that you are CERTAIN the healing won't start until he does that!

If H says "No way will I do that."

You have your answewr.

Do not accept anything less than what my wife required of me.

If he is sincere about wanting to recover he will agree to everything without question!

The nature of sin .....

ANOTHER 'come to Jesus' moment

BOTH of you go to your physician - and your H informs the MD that you both need STD testing because he's been unfaithful.

See how 'sorry' H is ......

by the way - I asked these things, AND more, from my H.
H did everything I asked.

Confession to our priest.
Confession to my parents and his parents.
Go to AA and work the steps.

E V E R Y T H I N G you ask - should be done with grace and humility.