I've written here once before a few months back about things I had found out about my husband. Recently, I found out a lot more and I am just going out of my mind.

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. He was deployed to Iraq from July2007 to February2008. When he returned in Feb, I noticed things like he and I were not making love as much as I had expected, or as much as he led on he wanted to when he was away. He was also on our computer for up to 8 hours a day, while I was alone taking care of our dog, the house, etc. I became suspicious and looked through the history on our computer. There I found he had been contacting women from various adult dating/sex sites. I confronted him immediately extremely upset. I explained that this WAS NOT porn, that these were real women. He denied that and said it was just porn. We "worked" things out half heartedly, but I always had a strange feeling about it. From that day on, I was VERY distant.
Recently, I accepted a job where we are both from, 3000 miles away, so that we could have housing, income and benefits for when he is finished with his service. I was booking a flight for him to visit, and needed to get into his email account, so he gave me his password. I was curious and went into his sent mail. There I saw he had been emailing women his pictures, and answering personal ads from craigslist. Once again I asked him about it, he denied everything. I refused his calls, as well as his families calls, for a few days. When I was ready, we talked and he told me the "truth." Explained that he liked the idea of the women being locals, but all he was after was nude pictures to masterbate to. He called it voyerism. Well, we patched things up again, but I still had that feeling. I'm visiting him now, and I decided to go through all these accounts with him. He agreed. So far, I've found that he has been answering personal ads since before we were married, and one in particular struck me the hardest. A few days after we were married, I had to leave for 10 days for my job. I noticed an email that was sent by my husband two days after I left, and it was to a women who was inviting him for sex, which he replied "I'm Down" but at the bottom, there was his own craiglist listing which she had replied to, and it said his stats and that he was available for nsa sex, "no strings attached" sex! Another one around the same time said in the subject heading "Off Duty!!!!!" and in the email "Im Home!!!!" He has denied he's ever cheated physically, says he doesn't remember writing that, but that it's obviously true, and that he had the intentions to cheat, but isn't sure if he would if it ever came to that. We are at a standstill, I am starting counseling as soon as I return home, and when he gets out he will continue with me. He has also been seeing a therapist here for his own problems due to the war, PTSD, and I've told him that his doctor must call me and inform me that he's told her what's going on. My question to those who have been cheated on, HOW DO YOU GAIN THE TRUST BACK? I don't know that he's telling me the truth that he NEVER cheated, I don't believe him. I've been right on with my intuitions so far. I am devastated, and I feel so stupid that I didn't see these things earlier, perhaps before we were married. Any advice would be appreciate, sorry for such a LONG posting.

The very first thing you should do is have him take a polygraph. I can guarantee he is lying about having physically cheated. You have to learn the truth first before you can chart a path forward. Also, demand an STD test before you even think about sleeping with him again.

Trust is rebuilt through transparency, honesty, and openness. He can't earn your trust again if he doesn't practice these basic principles of marriage. Thats why the polygraph is imperative as a first step. You can't take anything he tells you at face value right now, because his word is worth nothing.

How do I go about getting a polygraph test? Are they expensive to do? I am planning on getting tested as well.

Also Andrew, are those polygraphs reliable? I actually never thought of that, but it will be mentioned to my H. What I am seeing however is he gets frustrated when I bring things up again after we talk about them, as if he is satisfied with the fact that I cool down for a bit, even when I am not and still have questions later on. But I know I need to do it, I need to get all my questions out on the table. He knows now that I have passwords to all(?) his accounts, so if there is anything else still going on, he's the wiser now to cover them up.

You can just look in the phone book for people who do polygraph tests. You should be able to find someone from law enforcement who has done tons of these tests. From what I hear, they usually run around $350 or so, sometimes cheaper.

Results can be inconclusive. Its a risk, especially if your husband is an accomplished liar. Usually though, the accused gets so worked up over the thought of the polygraph that they dump details on you at zero hour and claim it is unnecessary to spend the money. Go through with it anyways.

Polygraphs measure physical responses such as pulse, perspiration, and breathing. The tester will administer control questions to get a baseline for those measurements and then will compare them to the responses to the real questions.

Questions have to be very specific though. The more general the questions are, the more open the results are to interpretation.