By Sheri Mueller

In the early years of marriage, I thought servanthood was all about Jim serving me! Jim was to be my slave, kissing my feet, waiting on my every need. Me serve him? Never! Most spouses honestly expect their spouse to do all of the serving. That's exactly the opposite of Jesus' example.

A soft serving heart is a Christ characteristic. We are called to submit ourselves to each other. We are called to honor and respect each other. Everyday we have decisions to make—to serve or not serve our spouse. When marriage is all about us, we do not love the person we married; we love our self. But Philippians 2:1-5 tells us,

"Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing." (NLT)

Christlike Love

Does your spouse feel like he or she is married to Jesus? You know, there really should be a family resemblance. People proclaim Christ as their Lord with their mouths, but reject him with their actions. Does your treatment of your spouse reflect Christ?

In his book, Intimate Allies, Dan Allender says being Christlike expresses a tenderness and mercy to forgive; submitting ourselves to suffering, even death, for our spouses; remaining committed in spite of conflict within our marriage; and loving someone even when they are not loveable and putting someone else's needs before your needs. This echoes the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (NLT)

Have you considered that your spouse may not be creating difficulty in your relationship? It may be you! It's important in a marriage relationship to ask yourself questions such as:

* Am I being patient, loving and kind?
* Am I rude and proud?
* Am I demanding my own way?
* Am I irritable?
* Am I bringing up stuff from an old argument?

Sacrificial love

There is another element to servanthood—sacrifice. It means letting go, surrendering.

Guys, sometimes you get this sacrifice thing turned around. Do you equate sacrifice with a 60-hour work week? Men, look at what comes first in your life. Is it your career or hobbies? Sports? Do your wife and family come later? Where does God and church fit in? Get your priorities right. Pay attention to what's important.

Dr. Kevin Leman says he has yet to meet a man who, after a long day at work, thinks to himself, "What I really need right now is a long, 45-minute talk with my wife." But that is precisely why a man's willingness to engage in such conversation is so beneficial to him spiritually—it costs him something. It teaches him sacrifice.

Ladies, when is the last time you sat down and watched a sports event or surprised your husband with tickets to a Football game? Have you considered making him his favorite meal or dessert? Jim loves cookies or brownies (anything with chocolate). Ladies, your priorities should be God, husband, family, and work.

As serving becomes a standard in your marriage, daily thoughts will turn to excitement, looking forward to spending time with each other. You begin to ask, "How have I served my spouse today?" Servanthood has brought abundant joy to my marriage. I know I please God, praise Him and love Him when I give of myself with a joyful heart.

Remember: If you are in control, God isn't!

Copyright (c) 2004 Sheri Mueller. Used with permission.