This state absolutly sucks and the one thing I've learned is the first one to the courthouse wins. Unfortunatly, the OM has been there done that many times and knows the system.

There are many, many times where I am very tempted to revert to plan FU instead of plan B. I am so, so frustrated - my wife has thrown away every value we have ever stood for over the last 4 months. That's the hardest part to reconcile in my mind. Since we've literally grew up together, I keep wrestling in my mind whether everything was real.

B

It doesn't seem like you have even really tried Plan B yet. Get to it as soon as you can because the longer you keep things the way they are, the less likely Plan B will have any chance. You might decide to go directly to Plan FU. Plan B is to allow you to maintain what little feeling you still have for WW. I'm not seeing that in your posts.

What legal repercussions will there be from not paying the mortgage (aside from possible foreclosure)? Why not pay more child support and let her pay the mortgage out of that? It's tax deductible that way and you also get to claim the exemption.

The only legal repurcussion is foreclosure on the house. Given the situation our finances are in anyways, it won't do much more damage. My attorney suggested this on Friday.

In regards to child support, the state calculator is online and all it is imputing income so that's easy to figure out.

Oh, I do love her so much - it's almost like I have to keep the anger up to keep myself from falling into a deep depression. It is so, so, so hard to keep from going to F/U because of how absurd she is acting. Some days I dread when she calls because I don't know how she will be acting. Other times I am elated to hear her voice. When I feel myself starting to lose my love, I pop in our wedding video and watch us exchange our vows. While it is very, very tough to watch, it reminds me what I'm fighting for.

You need to do a plan B. This will show your WW that she can not string you along and keep you as a back up plan if the OM does not work out.

You need to cut off money to your WW. As long as she can house and feed the OM on your dime. The OM will not leave. When the OM can not save her farm she will learn that the OM will not make a good mate.

You and your money must do a plan B together. Starting today.

You have to resign yourself to losing the farm through foreclosure to lose the OM.

If your WW ever wakes up and you recover your marriage you can always buy another farm.

You must stop letting your fears cloud your judgement.

I'm in the process of taking care of the plan B logistics. Finances are just about in order plus we are civil to each other again so I can do a good plan A and leave her on a good note.

Anyways, lets rewind to last Thursday. We were talking on the phone about finances and she was your typical WW, fog talk nasty to me. I kept hanging up on her when she called me names - I'm not going to put up with that. Finally, she gets too tired of that and calls my mother and promptly tells her to cancel the B-Day party she had planned for DS 6 because her son is being unreasonable and won't talk to her therefore I can't see the kids during the weekend.

I'm absolutly furious at her for using the kids as pawns so I fire off a VERY sarcastic email telling her I dropped her off my health insurance as of Nov. 1. Today I finally hear from her and receive this email:

Well I have have a job with my own coverage it started in 90 days . So it would be great and financial great if you can have the effective day moved to January 1st 2009. Or due to my finanical status Amanda will have to be pulled from Loving care in order to pay for the CORBA Health coverage. It you your choice. If you just want to waste money we don't have that is fine. Not very smart and very mean, but that is your call. So if you want to waste more money that is fine. But I will call HR becasue I think it is elegal to due so. I am glad to pay the AZ payment that you pay , due to the fact that it is much less each month. But if not, I will pull Amanda from pre school and pay for my helath coverage. I feel pulling Amanda from school would hurt here speach and her teacher agree. I feel that with all my helath conditions I sould not go with out health coverage. I am glad your leting go. Let me know what your doing so I can keep Amanda in School or pull her from the learning classes.

I can tell how angry she is by how incoherent the emails are. She was livid when she wrote this!

So, I write back to her:

Congrats on your new job - was it the Dover job you were telling me about last week? Also, I added you back onto my insurance.

See ya!
B

What do you know, 10 minutes later she calls me to discuss some business stuff around her refinancing our really big truck into her name. OVer the next 2 hours she calls me at work 3x's. The last time she told me she was going through the winter clothes and will run them up to me as well as the bed in the extra bedroom. Funny thing is, when she called, Genesis' "Throwing It All Away" was on the radio at work! Talk about ironic.

Before someone swings the 2x4 at my head, my attorney advised me to add her back onto my insurance. I'll tell you what, I was very, very angry over the last few days but it was absolutly wonderfull to hear her voice. Plan B is going to be soooo hard. I would like to start plan B no later than Nov. 1. I must avoid all lovebusters at all costs before I go into plan B!

Received a call from the WW (now known as Chicklet) about the mortgage company giving her a hard time about a late payment (less than 30 days late)on the mortgage. I let it go to voice mail since I don't want to deal with her at work. However, I listen to it and fire off this email:

I will not discuss any payment arrangements with the mortgage or consider making any payments on the mortgage until OM (now known as Snaggle Tooth) and his horses are permanently off the farm with zero contact ever with our children. I do not want someone who was recently arrested for crimminal tresspassing as well as offensively touching an elderly man around our children.

SHe leaves me a VM on my cell later tonight after she reads this and goes into a rant. Then, she fires off this reply:

That is very interesting so you are talking to "you know who" even those you say you are not. So, is this like the Health care coverage; or are you saying you are refusing to pay the child support? And payments on a joint asset (the house).

You know who is Snaggle Tooth's father. Also, nothing has been registerd with the courts in regards to child support. I'm still going to write her a check based on the state's calculator. It is a much lower payment than the mortgage. That way I can't get hit with back payments.

Other great new is I was declined from the truck loan, because, my credit has dropped due to the last few late mortgage payments and other late payments on other bills. So all this is messing up my credit score so it is impossible to re-fin anything at this time. So you are messing things up and shoot your own foot in the process.

No, you were declined for the truck loan because you don't have a job. I told her a few weeks ago to sell the truck and by a much cheaper beater car.

I don't understand why you’re not supportive and willing to help me get back on my feet so I can support our kids. I think it is very mean of you and causing me mental stress. I would rather be fully devoted to re-starting my career then worrying about fighting with you over stuff we have already agreed upon. I don't understand why you verbally agree and then take it back a few days later. This is very stressful for me and not healthy. Maybe we should put all this in writing so there is not confusion.

Are you ready to wise up and spot this childish behavior or are you going to further mess up both our lives and financial status.

She's the one having the affair with Snaggle Tooth who has no money, no job, a criminal record. Who's messing up who's life?

Greet all of these rants of hers with silence.

As far as child support goes:

If there is no child support order, then there is no child support.

This is super important.

I paid child support when i didn't have to and I was unemployed at the time.

Do not respond to rants of hers.

Don't destroy your own credit to make a point. If the house is in her name, then let the mortgage go. Otherwise pay it and don't hurt your own credit.

But don't pay CS if there is no order to do so.

Why haven't you moved back in to your own house?

Meet ALL of her emails with silence.

I strongly disagree with this!

"Don't destroy your own credit to make a point. If the house is in her name, then let the mortgage go. Otherwise pay it and don't hurt your own credit."

One can always improve/restore their credit rating if it goes bad.

In the short term, a bad credit rating is costly.

The WW out of her fog, the OM out of ones house, PRICELESS!

Talk to you lawyer before you respond about not paying for the morgage etc. Don't put it in writing.

Shocked,

You are doing a good job. The OM is failing to provide financial support for your WW. This has to force her to wake up eventually.

So you're justifying SB purposefully breaking his promise to his creditor, because his WW broke her vows to him.

This is basic right and wrong stuff here. SB promised to repay his mortgage ... period. There was no loan covenant that said "as long as his WW remains faithful". It is EACH of their responsibilities JOINTLY AND SEVERALLY to make those payments. Just because WW refuses, doesn't relieve SB from his obligations.

We speak a lot on here about honesty, integrity, keeping vows/promises, and basic right & wrong.

Are we just "talking the talk", when its convenient, but refusing to "walk the walk" when it becomes difficult?

You would be hard pressed to find someone who hates WW's and their OM as much as me, but there are other ways to achieve his purpose without compromising his integrity.

My Rev

I understand what you are saying - on same page. Is there another strategy he can take?

This is one tough scenario -

OM and WW are basically living off SB's wallet and living on the farm. Even the child support pmts are mostly likely supporting the love nest.

His WW has basically replaced SB with an OM and he is footing the bill. This is about as bad as it gets.

SB -

Perhaps a stupid thought - Can you put the farm up for sale? What does WW think will happen when D goes through - does she think you will pay all their bills also?

As I understand it, the farm is jointly owned.

I am wrestling with the idea how the interloper gets to stay. Does this imply that there has to be consensus between BS and WW before this man can be removed.

Also, what is the consequences of adultery in those parts? And, what's to stop a charge of alienation of affection be laid against OM. You know, just to keep him busy!

What is the economic leverage that OM holds in this equation?

Lastly. What strategy is being employed by H&S and towards what end?

Well, the one thing we do know is that continuing to do NOTHING, while funding the A isn't working. IMHO, SB got himself in this situation through his INACTION.

SB is still the co-owner of the real estate and as such, has certain rights. After all that has occurred, its quite obvious that this M is toast, so SB needs to protect himself and his assets.

I would find the best attorney in his area with the nastiest reputation, and I'd sue for divorce and move the court for orders for the Sheriff to remove OM from the property, which I doubt would be very hard to obtain. Then you use WW's behavior to leverage the best property settlement SB can achieve.

The first thing that SB has to realize though is that he is not going to reconcile with his WW, and get his mind right that he's going for the jugular ... no holds barred. After what she's done, she deserves nothing less.

I'm missing something here. How is it that an OM can move into the marital property, kick the BH out and somehow the BH is financially responsible for this? If the BH is on the title of the property, can you not kick OM off? Call the cops and tell them he is trespassing? Get him out, get back in. Then work out some kind of interim arrangement with the WW to pay the bills while the divorce proceeds. This much at least seems very obvious, what am I missing?

I've followed this thread as it's progressed but maybe I need to go back and reread it. Can someone paraphrase because it just doesn't make sense.

FWIW, I disagree with ruining your credit as well. Divorce takes a lot out of you financially - at the end of the day you might have nothing left but your credit.

My Rev -

Would go with your plan if found in same situation.

Tabby -

I found myself in same quandry - I have to be missing something or the state (I think Delaware) goes after men in these situations. I am trying to put myself in his shoes. I would be beyond myself and would probably be locked up I am afraid.

A homeless moves in and takes your farm, wife and family and the BH has no powers or relief - cannot fathom this.

S&B is still in shock and has not been able to take any decisive action. There have been opportunities to take the bull by the horns but he is still fearful of his WW.

S&B, I promise you will feel better if you take concrete manly actions to alleviate your situation.

I wish you could read your thread as an outsider. You would see how you continually make excuses for doing nothing.

I don't mean to be harsh with you but, please do something...anything!

I'm relieved to see that you guys stateside have the same confusion about the sitch as I do here in South Africa. I just cannot conceive a legal system that would be that obtuse...

Something else that I must ask H&S is this: Your postscript says that there is "slight improvement"... What is this improvement?

As long as OM is an "invited guest" by one of the owners of the property, he can stay. As far as BH leaving the property because of a PO (that was eventually dismissed) he had to leave at that time, but there is NOTHING preventing him from moving back into HIS home NOW, except the threat of bodily injury from the OM.

If BH were willing to face the OM and the possible injury to his person, he could just move back in anytime he felt like it and there is NOTHING OM or his WW could do about that. However, that would be an idiotic thing to do because with OM's history, it would probably quickly escalate and someone would be hurt. I certainly wouldn't attempt it alone.

Financially, BH is obligated to continue to make payments on the ranch, no matter who's living there.

Bottom line, until he can figure out a legal way to get OM gone... he's stuck.

If I were in his shoes, I would ONLY make the mortgage payments and NOTHING else, even child support until I was ORDERED to do that. I would then file for divorce AND custody and request temporary use of the marital home while the divorce was pending. Then both WW and OM would have to leave.

Thanks for clearing that up Princess. Makes sense!

By the way Shockedanbetrayed, sorry I got your name wrong earlier in the post. 'Guess I overdosed reading too many posts.