This is a nightmare from top to bottom.

The lastest we drop the kid off last night at her apartment. This B I T C H has the nerve to ask us to bring the car thru the gate to her car. I get out because her son is sitting behind me in his car seat, I have my H remove him from the car because I am not touching him in front of her. My H then takes the baby to her car and she ask him if my daughter is in the car because she wants to say Hi. I overheard her and just closed the door.

I don't know what type of games she is about to start playing but I'm not with it. He gets in the car and then says that she wants the baby to stay late on Friday because she needs to get her hair done. That's when I went the off, there is no way in hell that your kid is staying at my house while you get your weave fixed.

By the way his sister is still doing this tramps hair.

Not having it

WHO DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE???

Did he let your dau see this woman?

OMGosh!

The nerve.

It's time to put your foot down (or up her ba-hooba)!

The freaking NERVE!!!!!!!!!!

Uppity tramp!

I didn't let my daughter see her. He doesn't want her anywhere near our daughter or me. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to say that like this is a game.

The thing that she doens't realize is I'm the only reason he is even seeing the kid because he was clearly not going to do a damn thing about this mess.

Next thing on her agenda will be something against me I'm sure, like I'm trying to take her son or something stupid. Maybe that should be my stragety to make her fat [censored] go away

Hmmm thinking

Well, you've been here several weeks and OW and hubby are still running the show. If he won't POJA agree with you and wants to do it HIS way, I would go to counseling. If something can't be worked out, then I would see an attorney to establish child support and get first whack at his check.

In some states, if OW gets child support first, your daughter may get the leftovers.

Thanks for all of your kind words and advice. I see this woman about to cause major problems and I am beginning to regret pushing him to be a part of his child’s life. I think he was fine with giving money and staying away which I feel is not such a bad idea right now.

How do I manage this thing without focusing all of my attention on her, he doesn't want her I know they don't have a relationship so I'm not feeling insecure about her at all, however I do feel like she is trying to agitate me and I have done nothing to her, I don't even know her and from what I see there ain't nothing special about her to even worry about.

Anyway I also need advice on how to handle this broad now without doing anything spiteful. It's hard to watch this unfold, still hard to believe and even harder to accept.

Also Believer we are in the process of getting thru the POJA. He is agreeing to it but the other day was rough. He told me last night that he was embarrassed that he broke down like that and didn’t mean what he was saying. He indicated that his anger and guilt are causing him to question every move he makes.

I want to sympathize with him but, HELL NAH!

You'll have to come visit sometime when you have about a week for me to tell the whole story. I'm probably not a good one to advise you, because our situation turned out very painful.

And I got along fine with the OW.

At first, she didn't want the OC around me, but my over time, the OC spent more and more time at our home. I grew to love her like my own. Don't think that won't happen to you too.

We had her almost ALL the time, because her mom made such poor choices and was always between jobs and places to live. We paid support, paid deposits for places, rent, bought food, paid for dental and medical, everything, hoping the money would filter down to OC.

My husband and the OW agreed to get legal papers, but never got around to it. Then when the OC was 8, the OW took money we gave her to rent a house, and moved across the country with the child. It was gut wrenching.

Now we are back in contact (after 20 years) and the OC remembers our home and our family as the best days of her life.

I suggest that you insist on something legal, and also a paternity test. No sense going through lots of heartache for nothing.

I am pushing really hard for that test. One because it just needs to be known and two because I don't think I will ever accept it without seeing the proof.

Tomorrow he will be back to hang out for a couple of hours while I am at work. I am going to take the powerful stance and choose to ignore her games. I don't want to be a part of it at all but I have choosen to stay so I will have to work thru this and accept it at some point. A lot harder to do than I thought.

I think the biggest thing for me right now is trying to ensure we don't end up in this place again.

You can do a DNA test by mail for about $90. I don't think it would stand up in court, but your husband might be willing to get the results. If the child was NOT his, it would solve some of the problems. Several people on MB have done one, and the results seem to be accurate. You just swab the child's and your hubby's cheek.

If it showed that he WAS the father, you would be in the same position, but at least know that you MUST hire an attorney.

I read your post last night and went straight to Walgreens. They have a Home DNA test that you can mail out and have the results sent over night. Thanks for the info.

Also, another question for you. How did you or anyone else reading this post handle the OW once everything was out in the open.

- Did your H introduce you to her?
- Did she ever come into your home?
- Did she call your home phone?
- Did she act nervous around you or try to rub the situation in your face?
- Did your H let your children meet the OW? or did they know her already?

Duck

Well, I would not suggest you do it like I did. My husband introduced me to the OW when we went to pick up his daughter for visitation.

Then she called our home all of the time and talked to me. She and I arranged visits. She also spent time in our home and knew both of my sons.

I talked to her and my husband about getting something done legally, and they both agreed, but never did anything.

And no paternity test was done until my ex was dead and the OC was 28.

The choices I made left us open to constant uproar, shakedowns for money and heartache. But of course, I didn't know about MB then.

Questions for you: What did you do, and what would you do differently knowing what you know now?

- Did your H introduce you to her?
- Did she ever come into your home?
- Did she call your home phone?
- Did she act nervous around you or try to rub the situation in your face?
- Did your H let your children meet the OW? or did they know her already?

Questions for you: What did you do, and what would you do differently knowing what you know now?

- Did your H introduce you to her?
- Did she ever come into your home?
- Did she call your home phone?
- Did she act nervous around you or try to rub the situation in your face?
- Did your H let your children meet the OW? or did they know her already?

Questions for you: What did you do, and what would you do differently knowing what you know now?

- Did your H introduce you to her?
- Did she ever come into your home?
- Did she call your home phone?
- Did she act nervous around you or try to rub the situation in your face?
- Did your H let your children meet the OW? or did they know her already?

I take it back. I have spoken to her face to face...but it was only when I dropped mija off. My husband couldn't take her because he was on call due to a hurricaine and I was evacuating with our other kids.

Not sure if I'm being pessimestic but she is not causing any difficulty right now. The rule is set that if she doesn't drop the baby off by 8:30 in the morning to not show up. The other day she was running late and she didn't try to call and say anything. just didn't come. I started thinking maybe she won't be too much of a hassle.

Also she doesn't call as much as I thought she would. So far no problems to report. Seems too good to be true, but I will try to stay positive.

The kid is starting to grow on me

I hope you are talking to hubby about finding out about paternity and also working together as a team.

And yes, you will grow to love the child. When I first had the OC at my home, it was kind of like babysitting. But the more time she spent, the more I grew to love her like my own.

I'm not sorry that she is in our life, although it also brought a lot of pain. Now she looks back on those days as some of the happiest in her life.

I really wanted to work on our relationship but I feel he is pulling away (i.e. withdrawal). I put the keylogger software on his computer and boy this is way worse than I thought. Not only did he have a secret baby but he is pretty much myspacing, and facebooking, and any other date site you can imagine. He has pictures posted and he has listed himself as single.

It is killing me. We met online 7 years ago. I see that the way we met might actually ruin us. The baby was hard enough to get over but now I see his online activity and it is making me sick to my stomach. Kinda wish I had never downloaded the software. I felt there was hope before. Now I just feel like I am just here playing house with a man who obviously doesn't love me.

Everytime his phone rings I think it is some random woman he met online. He is home everyday and we still have our normal routine but now that I know what he is up to, I don't see recovery being possible. I have been doing plan A and just doesn't seem to be working. One area in our relationship that was a problem was sex, so I give him more sex. Now he doesn't even seem to want to have sex. Just gets on his computer, eats dinner with the family, watches tv, and then goes to bed.

Yesterday I sent him a heartfelt email, pouring my heart out and he didn't respond. I get home and he says "Oh, I read that email". I was like well did you respond to it, and he was like "I didn't know I was suppose to". Maybe I am expecting too much for him to reply but I just wanted something out of him. Something that says he still cares and wants to work this out. At the time he finally told me about the OC, he pretty much told me he didn't want to be here anymore. I told him we could work thru it, but maybe that was a mistake. I guess he saw what I could'nt.

At this point I have my daughter to think about. We live near his family and my family is about 50 miles away. I don't want to uproot my daughter from her school and her friends because she is doing so well, but I don't have a support system here. I know his family will always look out for my daughter, but at the end of the day they will always be on his team.

I am just so broken up over this. I have never felt so rejected in my life.I can't believe this man cheated on me, had a baby, hid it, has other relationships outside of the marriage (Internet dating), and then has the nerve to reject me for trying to hold the family together.

I'm done

i'm new to this but you said reply any way so i just wanted to say that i understand and am so sorry for what you've been through. I found out about the infidelity and OC when the OW was 4months pregnant....3 years on i saw the first pictures of this child and it crushed me to see how similar he looked to my daughter.I don't think you ever forget but i hope in time you learn to cope. I think you are a very strong and brave person and am sure you've had some good advice from hear. Don't give up (((hugs))) xxx

It sounds like he might be a sex addict, which is a whole different story. He would need to WANT to change.

Get your ducks in a row for child support, and then I suggest you go to Plan B.