bumping for Bugs.

Thanks for the bump Luna! And to everyone else checking in on me!!

Yes, jury duty was quite interesting! It was also very difficult and sad at the same time. Rather than go into all of the details, suffice it to say that the person who had filed suit against a major corporation experienced a horrific, life-altering injury. Unfortunately, the corporation he was suing in this case was not at fault for his accident. A different corporation is respsonsible, and I hope that he was awarded sufficient damages in that case. We were not allowed to know that information during the trial.

My jury service did not end until Thursday of last week. Every day I was so mentally & emotionally exhausted, I did not feel up to working or even posting here. I'm glad I did it, but it was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

The one 'bright' spot in it all was to see how a truly loving, committed couple can endure and even thrive under the most horrific of circumstances. This man & his wife are role models in how marriage is supposed to be. They have been married for 45 years and you can tell just by watching them how very much they love one another.

Ladybugs sleepover was a 'success'. The girls all had a wonderful time. I survived!! We only had one moment of 'drama' which did not last long, so I can't complain at all. She had her party at Drac's but hasn't really shared many details about it - although the new 'girlfriend' was there. I'll just refer to her as K from now on. Seems K also took them all out Wednesday night this week 'for her birthday' to a pizza/arcade place. She called while in the game room there Wed night,,,,,,,,,,,at the time she should have been getting ready for bed! Oh well, nothing I can do about that.

I sent Drac email last Mon with Ladybugs mid-term grade report. He replied with a quite friendly email, asking about my thoughts on her taking her new electronic gifts back & forth between our houses. I told him I agree with the concerns he listed about her having them during school & that I had not planned on allowing her to have the gift I gave her at school. He asked my ideas on how to get it back & forth,,,,,,,,,,,,I told him I had no ideas. He then asked that I make sure she have the gift he gave her with her on Wed. That was it.

Friday after picking her up after school, she was upset with me because she'd made plans to go see a movie and even invited some of her friends to go with me. Only problem is that she hadn't talked to me first. That doesn't work & we had that talk. She was not happy. She was further 'upset' with me because I would not commit to taking her to see the movie until I had checked it out more,,,,it is a PG movie that I was not familiar with and told her I'd need to find out more before agreeing that she could see it.

Then,,,,,,,,,she says "Fine. I'll just ask Daddy to take me!".

Do I need to tell you all my reaction to that statement??!!! Suffice it to say that I made it perfectly clear that kind of stuff will NOT happen. She was upset and did apologize. She then informed me that she is going to miss her Christmas dance recital because it is the weekend that Drac is taking them to Florida. She is very, very disappointed about it. He did not know about the recital in advance, so it is not his fault about the timing.

We were on our way to pick up DSS - - as we got close to Drac's house, she tells me that she does not want to go inside when we get there. I told her that is her choice, but Drac probably would not be home. She said he would be because he'd taken the day off from work. Apparently he's using up his vacation days by taking Fridays off. He was there so I honked the horn when we pulled in. DSS came out asking if Ladybugs was coming in. I said no, she didn't feel like it.

Well, Drac came out to the car to talk to her. I sat in the front and didn't comment while they talked. He showed concern that she 'didn't feel good'. I have to give her credit, she told him that she was upset about not getting to go see her movie AND that she is going to miss her dance recital. He was nice and handled it fairly well with her. I made no comments, as it isn't my place to get in the middle of what I consider his time/plans with her. DSS got in the car and we pulled out. I noticed Drac stood in his doorway watching us leave. I noticed later in the evening he'd sent an email about Ladybugs, but I haven't read it yet. I can't say that I am all that anxious to read it. I'm so much better off with limited interaction with him & I really needed a relaxing weekend.

Things are going well with V. He's been out of town for work a lot, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. We talk on the phone which is good in the 'getting to know one another' department. We've also exchanged several emails. I've been very up front about where I stand. That I enjoy our time together, but I am in no way ready for a relationship yet. He says that he's ok with that although it's pretty obvious that he is ready for more than that. There's no pressue from him, though, so as long as it remains that way I feel good about it. We've agreed to take it one day at a time and see where it goes.

I was on jury duty with a guy who works for one of my work competitors. He also works for a friend and former co-worker of mine who I haven't talked to in quite a while. I emailed 'M' to say hi and touch base as it has been a few years since we've seen each other. In his reply, he admitted to having a 'prior crush' on me & that he'd always thought I was good looking. He further added that his employee informed him that I am a "Babe"! Made me feel good. We are going to try to go to lunch sometime next week.

So,,,,lots and yet nothing has really happened during my brief absence from the board. Hope all is well with everyone. I hope to catch up with everyone in the next day or two.

Have a great day all!

Bugs:

Jury duty CAN wear you out.

That whole "civic duty" thing, and trying to do the "right thing"

The rest? Sounds like life after Drac.

Good luck with the dating...

LG

Thanks for the update, Bugs.

You sound good.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,the cell phone rings tonight with a "Private" call. I miss it by just one ring, which was good, as I was getting Ladybugs ready for bed.

Later it rings again, "Private", but I answer. It's the HO.



So, I take a deep breath and just

She called to apologize,,,,,,,,,,,,BUT

Oh yes, the fog is still fairly thick in her world. Anyone surprised?

I won't bore you with the specifics but will tell you that I do believe she has finally gotten a clue as to what she has done. I do believe she is sorry. But she is mostly sorry for herself. She wanted my forgiveness. I did not give or deny it.

Long story short she "was lied to". She would "never, never" be "one of those women". I told her, sorry, but you ARE one of those women.

She CHOSE. It's hers to live with. She told me how she had been lied to, how she'd "hoped" I'd be "more open" with her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,OMG. It was incredible.

I will say that I handled it in true Goddess Style. I did and said what I knew was in my heart,,,tempered with what God laid on my heart. I left her to own her own actions, I was honest with the facts of the destruction she helped bring to my life and the lives of my children.

I did give her that it takes 2, and that she was not solely responsible. Yet I let her know that any apology that includes a "BUT" is not a true apology. That until she takes FULL responsibility for her actions without 'justifications', it means very little to me.

She tried SEVERAL times to say that if only I'd confronted her, she'd NEVER have done what she did. I put it right back on her and said that I would NOT accept responsibility for HER actions.

She "didn't want to open old wounds for me",,,but kept pressing and needing something more from me than I could give. At the end I even said to her, "I feel like I have been gracious here. yet here you are, acting as if I, as the woman whose life you helped destroy, whose family you helped tear to shreds, should somehow commiserate with you over being lied to. sorry, but I'm not doing that. yes, I was lied to. I am sure you were lied to as well. I have my path. You have yours. I have dealt with mine. You need to deal with yours"

I cut off getting "specifics', other than she had to tell me several times that when Drac went to work with her, he came in telling everyone from the beginning that he was "in the middle of a divorce". I don't know that I totally believe that, but would not be totally surprised to hear that it is true either.

I must say that she was certainly surprised to know that finally "cut him off" in August of last year!! The Bee-atch in me felt good getting that in the conversation.

So, I'm not nearly as upset as I might have been a short while ago, but it has me wound up. I am,,,,,,,,,,,well I don't know what I am right now.

i just had to report in,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hopefully I can get some thought together about this later. I'll share when I can,,,,,,,,,,,,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sleep well President GODDESS... You are my inspiration of grace, dignity and ultimate CLASS.....

WOW...

I am floored as you are, Bugs!

Bugs:

That was awesome! Not sure I could have been as restrained as you are...I would happily kill the OM if I ran into him and my xWW knows it (ok...I would like to, but wouldn't).

"Vengeance is mine saith the Lord"

OMG!!!! I can hardly believe this!

I'm sorry BUGS if this triggered you in any way! I hope that you are able to put your mind at ease in some form from the way that you handled things! YOU DID WELL! The FORCE was with you! The MB force that is! LOL

I think like you, I think that she does have a clue but not the right one! Perhaps in the right direction but that reminds to be seen.

I'm sure that she "felt" that she HAD to call, hence the phone call twice. It appears to me that she was in a place to get some things off her chest but like you said an apology with a BUT just doesn't cover it!

I really need to update my thread, you mentioning OW has brought some things to mind that I need to get some thoughts on.

Way to go BUGS! I've been trying hard to keep up with you!

I was surprised that she called BUT in a way I'm not...I know from me own experience that when my heart is heavy, I have to take care of it right then and there;otherwise, I don't rest. I hope that she is still not resting well and that you have given her MORE TO THINK ABOUT!

My hat's off to you! Reading what you said to her, I know that I would have said some of the same things. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, becasue I ahve no clue how I would feel if the same things was done happen to me!

((((((BUGS)))))))

Wow, Bugsy!!!

You did amazingly well. I am so impressed by you.

Share details when you can.....I'd bet the farm that I won't ever get a call like that.


Fox

+1

Well.. not from WB at least...

I still have a 'drink' to look forward to with the co-worker's anger management challenged husband tho.. funfun

Sorry Charlie... she's your wet baby now..

Wow Bugs. And after all of this time too.

What do you think the trigger was that made her call you? I can't believe it was just plain old remorse. There must be something more to it than that.

Tell us more.....

Well, I think I've bombed everyone's threads so I guess it's time to give some details on my own.

Chai - I am fairly certain that the 'trigger' for the Ho was finding out that I was on jury duty last week with a friend of hers. I'm sure he told her about Drac's latest conquest who works where Drac & I work. The Ho used to work with her, too! They were supposedly 'friends' at one time so the true trigger is that she is probably finally experiencing a bit of her own medicine & found out how bad it is.

I think she was hoping to get me to join with her in a joint Drac bashing bonding moment. Yeah,,, like that would EVER happen! I have all of you fine folks to help me out when I feel like bashing him! ha! :twobyfour: As if she thinks that she doesn't deserve to be right there beside him in it ALL. :twobyfour:

So, here's a bit more detail. It's kind of jumbled up but it's so hard to remember the order in which anything was said. She said a lot of it over and over again, as if she was going to convince me she was 'right'.

I'll try to put 'her' stuff in RED

My cell phone rang a little after 8 but I missed the call. The caller i.d. said "private". I didn't think anything of it, because sometimes V's # comes up that way, depending on where he is traveling. It rang again about 8:40 and I answered.

She told me who she was & I asked her WHY she was calling me

She just went off talking non-stop -= said she had never thought in a million years that she would ever be calling me. She'd 'learned' things over the last few months since "we broke up" and then just recently and she just HAD to call.

She said, "I'm sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but you need to understand how terribly I was lied to!!"
And so it went for the bulk of the conversation. She was "Sorry, but,,,,,,,,,,"

I finally told her that any apology followed by the word 'but' is not an apology, it is a self-justification. That by saying that, she is not taking full responsibility for HER actions and that her supposed apology means nothing to me.

Here's some of the things I recall her saying -

I never dreamed I'd ever call you

I've found out so much over these last few months and recently,,,,I felt I needed to do this

I'm not the kind of person who would EVER EVER EVER do something like this BUT I was lied to!! (this was said over & over again)

He came into X Place of Work telling everyone that he was in the middle of a divorce

I asked around and I was told you guys were OVER - I told her this was a bunch of crap and that she CHOSE to acknowledge what she wanted to acknowledge and to ignore everything else. She was only justifying her actions AGAIN

I am a good person, ask anyone who knows me - - again, she said that over and over

I'm a CHRISTIAN

I've been in your shoes - - I told her she could NEVER have done what she did if that were true

If you had only confronted me, this never would have gone on - She said that several times until I finally told her that was enough of that because she isn't going to put ANY of HER actions on ME.

I 'wish' that you guys had worked things out - that he would have stayed with you but he kept telling me how it was over

I thought that by calling you this might bring you some healing, too - - I told her I don't need anything from her in order to 'heal'.

I needed to do this to heal myself - I'm pretty sure I told her I didn't really care anything about what she needed

You don't 'know' me

I don't want to 'open old wounds'

You can hate me if you want, you can say whatever you want, but I'm not a bad person

I'm not one of "those" women

I was vulnerable

I was lied to!!

I thought you would be more "open" with me

I am sorry,,,,,,,,,,, BUT

You have no idea the lies that I was told

One of the reasons I left him was that I'd found a letter that you'd written to him at the end,,,,and I figured out how much I'd been lied to - - I asked her, "let me guess, you also found out that you weren't the 'only one' didn't you?" She would not answer. I'm pretty sure this had to be my Plan B letter. Intersting that he kept it??


I "know" you sent me 2 letters,, it HAD to be from you because the first one in Feb 2007 said that he was still sleeping with his wife - - - now this is after saying she had NO idea that we were still together at all - - I don't know what letters she is referring to, but I have a feeling a close friend of mine may have done that without telling me but I don't know yet for sure.

"Looking back, going thru this did turn out to be a 'good thing' for me" - to which I replied, well forgive me if I don't give a [censored]

"Aren't you better off now? Aren't you???" - - I told her that was none of her business. She didn't care anything about me or my kids or my life before, the last thing I was going to do is share with her now

I want you to know that one of the reasons I had to do this is because I care for Ladybugs SO MUCH - -at this point I was ready to go through the phone and rip out her throat. If she cared so much for Ladybugs, she wouldn't have helped break up her parents. There's a lot of things she could have said (and did say) that hurt me personally, but when she wanted to bring my kids into the conversation she overstepped. It was right after this that I put an end to the call - - I didn't hang up on her but made it clear I was not going to discuss anything further with her.

She said she's wasn't surprised to learn about him & the latest Ho,,,but of course she doesn't care at all & thinks they are both messed up. It cracked me up when she said that she is not friends with Ho2,,,hasn't talked to her since she left X Place of Work but "it's not that I dislike her or anything". GEEZ, what a 2 faced bee-atch. Can't even admit to her me, her new best friend, that she doesn't like Ho2.

I laughed out loud when she told me she was a 'Christian', to which she took great offense. I told her several times, "Your actions speak for the kind of person you are".

I told her that I do not require anything from her to 'heal' and that I'd put her out of my life/thoughts a long time ago. When she said she didn't want to open old wounds, I replied, "Well it's to f'ing late now".

I mentioned at one point about not knowing what would have happened if I hadn't finally cut him off last August. The silence was deafening,,,,,,,,,,,so I continued and said, "Oh, I guess you didn't know that it was ME that cut him off? And you probably had no idea that it went on until August of last year did you? Hmmm, HURTS doesn't it?" Of course she denied that it hurt, but I didn't let her off the hook - - - I told her that I KNOW that it hurts "take it from someone who knows first hand".


She just kept going on and on. I finally asked, "Are you done yet? Have you said what you needed to say? Do you FEEL better? Because this is doing nothing for me"

I told her she will ALWAYS be one of 'those' women in my mind. She wanted me to talk to her about the 'lies' he'd told me. I told her that it is in the past and not something I was going to discuss with her. Yes I was lied to, but I've dealt with that. She made/chose her own path and she was going to have to live with it.

I did tell her that they BOTH bear responsibility in this. Drac did fact lie to BOTH of us. I've dealt with that. She chose her path and she has to deal with her own choices.

I said, "What do you expect from me? You participated in the utter destruction of my life and are responsible in the tearing apart of my family and the damage it has done to my kids. How can you possibly expect me to do any more than I have already? I've listened to you and I have been gracious. More gracious than what you deserve."

That's as much as I can recall right now. I don't know if it's really done me any good to put it into words or not. There's tons more things she said, all of which was pretty incredible to believe she was saying to me.

I'm just so PISSED. How DARE she? Talk about being blind sided. Last month I get called by her name, then I find out that he's seeing Ho2 - - and no one had the decency to give me a heads up so I wouldn't be blind sided at work, and now this?! Plus, it goes back to how DARE he in the first place? He pulls this [censored] and here I am STILL bearing the brunt of his actions and he doesn't have a clue or give a [censored]. HE should be the one having to deal with this crap, not me.

Yesterday I hadn't felt so horrible in a long, long time. I've felt sick to my stomach, I had a horrific headache, and my neck/shoulders feel like the are made of steel. I didn't sleep much, and when I did, I had nightmares.

The only reason for her call is that she wanted me to tell her she is not a bad person. She didn't and doesn't and never has cared about me or how I feel/felt. It was all about her. Not surprising,,,it took a pure selfish [censored] to do what she did and she sure hasn't changed.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,that's the story for what it's worth.

I can't beleive she had the nerve to try and blame shift. She has taken none of the responsibility for her actions. She is not worth you spending any time thinking about her. Hold on to what you have and praise God you still have your DD.

Thanks BH for the earlier heads up on my post,,,,I had time to fix it just before a conference call.

You are right,, and I do give the good Lord thanks & praise every day for my Ladybug and for DSS both.

I am doing better today. Yesterday was rough. Having it all rather thrown all up in my face yet again really did hurt. Yet, I can think about 'her' with little emotion. As you say, not worth my time. It's just sickening Drac chose to be with her while throwing away our marriage. What a disappointment that he did all of that for such a piece of selfish trash.

I did end up talking to him last night about Thanksgiving schedule. Kind of like Foxx's ex - he hates email and got really pissy without justification. I called him on it 'literally'. I didn't really trigger from talking to him and had no desire to tell him about the phone call. A friend of mine seems to think that he should be made aware of it. I don't. I see no point.

Good news is that I have Ladybug tonight and tomorrow until 12:45. He made a big point of telling me 1. "I'm cooking dinner for us". 2. "I'm having dinner for just the 3 of us". I seriously doubt it is just the 3 of them. If that were the case, his dad would be coming over. I'd guess Ho2 will be there, too.

So, while Ladybug gets to see my family for a while, she doesn't get to eat with us,,,,,,,,,I think it's silly but whatever. I'm just glad to have her when he could have taken her tonight and kept her thru Sun. Yeah!

Bugsy


Dang woman.. you managed to handle that call with a fair bit more class than I would have. Good on you for standing your ground and not letting the HO off the hook.

Wait.. was that just the Karma bus wizzing past?

My thoughts about Drac and the ho's phone call .... I'll just quote someone smart ....


AMEN!

Pep:

Do you think that post of Bugs needs to go to your "notable posts" thread?

Not often we get to see that type of interaction here.

LG

Ewwww..

I seriously don't know how you refrain from unleashing Plan FU on Drac.

And you really got some nice shots at the HO. She'll be stewing because she was unable to convince you that she's a nice girl.
(even tried to be the victim....wow.)

What a piece....