I Don`t know whats worse right now. What`s she`s doing or why I keep taking the bait. It`s just so hard to let go. I guess that`s it. I want to,but at times I just can`t..........

Sure you can. Just learn to like yourself better.

Seriously, focus on yourself. New habits, new sports or hobbies, new friends...you're worth it!

That all sounds great. But where do you even start? How do you get your focus off this other person and onto something else. The thoughts are often like a feeding frenzy and they are hard to loose.

Where do you start? Assess yourself. What is one sport or hobby you wanted to try when you were younger but never got to?

Pick one thing to do, research it, and find a way to start doing that sport or hobby. That's it. Just take the steps.

It will make you more attractive to her. I promise.

That`s a tough question to answer, but I will be trying to think of something. I guess since all the kids are now gone, I do have spare time on my hands, that I never had before. Her and I, when we were together used to keep pretty busy, going places, dinner, drinks, concerts trips. It`s not as amusing doing those things alone.
One more question. She is starting to tell me about things she and the other guy are doing and that bothers me. But she is insecure and twice last week and just tonight was mumbling about him working out of town, where his exgirlfriend works. I guess he is going to get a dose of that. She stills calls me most days just to talk. I don`t mind talking to her but I really don`t like hearing about the other guy. She wants me to give her space to see what she really wants. What do you think about that?

You have every right to tell her please don't tell you about OM. It makes you look weak to put up with it.

Giving her space doesn't mean letting her cake eat. What do you think about Plan B?

I understand plan B. But I want to give you a little backround and then if you would give me your opinion. She met this guy after we separated. Neither one of us thought we were going to get back together. She told me she hasn`t slept with this guy. That they do things together and hang out. She says she has feeling for this guy also. My guess is she still has feelings for me too or she would have never contacted me to get together.We talked last night and I explained my feelings for her. We both made mistakes and I really made a huge one by asking her to leave. I made no excuses, I was just a jerk. She said she`s not so sure that this new guy doesn`t still have something for his ex girlfriend even though he told her he loves her. She said she needs time to sort out her feelings and when she thinks of it she is very angry about how I ended it and is worried about the same thing happening to us again. She said she needs to find out what will happen between her and new guy too. As she dated him a long time ago and I never really got why they broke up. I assured her I wouldn`t let anything like that happen between us. So I guess the ball is in her court now? This has been on my mind constantly. Tell me what you think? Do, I just step back and do nothing? I honestly made a huge mistake and don`t want to completely loose her.

Another question I have. She told me she will take time to sort things out. She thinks new guy will eventually go back to his ex. He says no, but she tells me she thinks so. I`m thinking she`s just preparing herself for the worst. Then why does she spend all her spare time with him and not willing to give any of that time up for us to do anything?I`m sure he doesn`t know about me but I have to know she`s spending her time with him. What do I do? Step back and just see what happens? I`ve got a lot of anxiety building and It`s very hard to just do nothing!

Let this one go ASAP! It will never work and you're setup for a true disaster. Be a man.

What makes you think this? What disaster? Please explain. I guess i`m not thinking clearly now!

You've kicked this woman out of your place not once, but twice. Ask yourself this, are all the issues that led to the evictions now resolved?

I really think she's just enjoying the drama of playing a game with you. Put her in the rearview mirror and don't look back.

Yeah, That I did. I thought we could resolev those issues, but after thinking, ...am I really sure? As for the drama...she does get into it. I hate it. I don`t understand this..A lot of the problems didn`t stem from just me. I contributed to my share but a lot were brought on by her. Yet she only remembers my actions, not any of hers. She always was about, having a life, a home(which was mine) And all of the extra things of life. I have a home and all the stuff. She has nothing and lives with her mother. He has nothing and lives between his parents and his sisters house. He has his suff at a place out of state which must be his ex`s or he would have kicked her out. So it sounds like this guy has nothing. He just so happens to have to go to work in the same area of the country where his ex is at. But I`m the guy she won`t spend any time with. He is the guy that she wants to hang out with every weekend. What is up with all of this??? It`s so hard to look at all the facts and still love this person. So, why do I feel this way!!!

Well my friend, you can't always control how you feel, but you are responsible for your actions. It's never easy to move on. There's always doubt that you won't meet another special person. Try some of the suggestions that have been recommended. Immerse yourself in a hobby or activity. Find a local club for that hobby and meet some new people. Volunteer for a charitable organization. If she sees that you're happy being yourself and you don't need her, she might decide to treat you a little better. People who are needy don't get a lot of respect.

If you continue to talk with this woman, at least don't allow the satisfaction of talking about her situation with the OM when she knows it bothers you. You can stand up for yourself without being hateful or disrespectful.

Some of the reasons that make this so hard to do. I live in a rural area. Not a whole lot going on around here. Really tough to find things to join or do. Her and I are both very fit and look 10 years younger than we actually are. In a rural area its tough to find someone fitting the same bill. You are right, it is very hard to control your own thoughts and Controlling my actions is my only course of action, I guess. Time for me to let her do her thing and sort things out and see what she really wants. In the meantime, I need to occupy my life with other things to get the constant thoughts of her out of my mind. I have been flipping through a few online dating sites and not liking what I am finding. Most of the ones on there don`t fit my match or are too far away. I`m just looking for a friend to do a few things with right now. Has anyone out there had any positive results with online dating? I`ve only been looking at it the past day or so.
So for now, I should still continue to be her friend? I just don`t want to hear any conversation about her new guy, unless it`s about them not seeing each other again.

I feel like someone sucked the life out of me. I`m sure I just realized what she is doing. She is talking to and visiting me or going for drinks with me during the week and on weekends she is with the other guy. She will not make plans, answer a phone or respond to a text when she is with him. That tells me that I know about him and he has no idea about me. I feel like I`ve been used. I was probabaly the fall back guy if this new guy thing doesn`t work out! I feel like I`ve been kicked between the legs!

Even if she decided she wanted you, I would advise against going back with her. Right now, you need to work on yourself.

QUIT looking for someone to date. You don't need to be dating right now. It's a recipe for disaster.

You have too many issues of your own; being with a woman would just cloud your issues and make you think the woman can solve them.

I promise you, you can survive without a female for a few months. It'll be the most important few months you ever spend, if you actually use the time to get your priorities in order and do some personal work.

Maybe you`re right. I guess it`s just that since June I`ve been by myself. Then a few weeks ago she came back in my life and I enjoyed doing things together, even if it wasn`t doing that much. It just gets a little boring at times and maybe I was just looking for that excitement again. I really don`t know right now.

But what else are you doing with your time? If you can't get to the point where you can be ok by yourself, with your own interests, any romantic decision you make is going to be a reckless, ill-thought-out one.

You need to approach romance from a position of strength.

You do that by getting your own life. What hobbies have you let drop that you can pick up again? What hobbies did you always want to do but never did? What class can you sign up for at the local community college? What local sport group can you join to make friends at?

You should be spending this time working on YOU, ok? Find yourself. Do some soul-searching. See a counselor to get a better handle on what went wrong so you don't repeat any mistakes (like we all do, because of FOO).

Improve yourself, and you won't have time to be lonely!

To be quite honest with you, I never had much time for myself. I have been separated and divorced for almost 10 years now. My kids all stayed with me when the ex decided she wated to have affairs and run around. Working a management job with an hour commute and haveing 3 kids pretty much filled my plate and then some. Until July, for the year before, I had my Daughters family living with us. Her, her husband and the 2 grandkids. So, you know that filled most of any spare time. Now suddenly, everyone is gone. Maybe thats the reason I feel so lost now and am grasping out at her to fill this huge void. Not quite sure where to start.

Internet! Type in your community name, and then type in 'activities' or 'sports' or 'clubs' or 'organizations' or 'classes'...anything you can think of that you've always wanted to do. The search will give you places and contacts, enough to get you started. There's a whole world out there, waiting for you!