My husband moved back in after being seperated for two months. Two weeks prior he had been coming over telling me he wanted to work things out, but he wasn't ready to move back in yet. So I recorded a conversation with him and the OW b/c I wasn't sure if he was still talking to her. In this conversation I overheard a trip they were planning together for the coming weekend. I confronted him and told him he had to choose her or me, b/c I wasn't going to share him anymore. He told me he had to go away for the weekend to end things with her. I pleaded w/ him to end it over the phone or let me go with him. He insisted he go and do it alone. I told him if he went not to come back. Well, I ended up letting him come home the following Monday. So the first week he was home he was completely about me as far as communicating, showing affection, sex, etc. Saturday I found an email she sent him about how there was a void in her life yada yada yada. Anyway I confronted him, and he said he didn't reply to it, but I got upset b/c he didn't tell me. I have no idea if he replied or not. This week he has been distant and quiet. I gave him the EN's survey to complete and he said he didn't feel like doing it. I also gave him the book How to Survive an Affair to read and he still hasn't picked it up. I feel like I am the only one who is trying to save the marriage. Now I am paranoid that he is talking to her again. I'm just frustrated and feel like giving up. Can anyone tell me if it is going to get better?

He had to go alone so that he could have sex with her.


So he knows he can spend the weekend with his girlfriend with no consequences.


Because he feels guilty.

And why are you having sex with this man? Aren’t you worried about getting a STD?



I am sure he replied and told her that he loves her. And that he can fill the void in her life.




Why should he read it? He has a wife and a he has a mistress. Sounds like he is happy with the situation.



Of course he is talking to her again. He never stopped talking to her. Has he told you when they plan to meet again for sex? Because I am sure it is planned.


No, it won’t get better as long as you allow him to cheat with no consequences.

*hugs* I do feel for you. And I am great at denial myself. But as an outsider, it is obvious to me that he is still cheating.

Yep I 2nd that opinion.

I agree with Jenny. Your H is doing all this because he CAN. He knows you are upset and confused and is taking advantage of that. No was should he have ANY contact with this person,NOW WAY.

So are you saying that I should kick him out again? Last night I went outside and I was going to look in his truck for the mail and I saw him watching me from the window so I diverted and went to get the trash instead. He came outside and accused me of trying to put a recorder in his truck. I asked him if I needed to and why would he care if he had nothing to hide. He replied that he didn't have anything to hide and he just didn't like to be recorded. So I told him I was paranoid and asked him if I could have his email password which he gave me. I checked his email and nothing was there for the moment but it doesn't mean that he doesn't have another account that I don't know about and that he isn't talking to her at work on his cell phone. I am going to record him when I get the chance and I am going to ask for his cell phone bill. Then I guess I will just go from there.

WG, the infidelity vets Are on the GQII board, you can ask the mods to move your thread.

Welcome to MB! How are you planning to restore your marriage?

wg, the problem is that he was allowed back with no plan in place and a clear indication to you that he fully intended to continue his affair. He told you with his LYING MOUTH that he was going to end the affair, but you can see by his ACTIONS that he was obviously not ending his affair when he went away for the weekend.

You cannot ever go by the words of a WS, only ACTIONS.

It has just become more convenient to live with you while he carries on his relationships with TWO WOMEN. He is not willing to give that up, because he doesn't have to. He is a cakeeater who is enjoying the best of both worlds!

As it is, his affair is probably crumbling so he needs you to meet some needs to prop up his crumbling affair. If you were removed from the picture, the affair would fall apart, I bet.

A false recovery is one of the most painful things that a BS can endure. This is why it is important to have a plan of recovery in place before the WS moves back in. In your case, there is no plan of recovery; only a committment - by his ACTIONS - to continue his affair.

Taking him back while he is still in his affair endangers your mental health since you have been dealing with this for such a long time. You might want to consider separating again until his affair is ended. And then allowing him back when he is ready to commit to recovery. I would give him a Plan B letter that stipulates this.

Would he be willing to send the OW a NC letter and open up his life in all aspects to you, so you are ASSURED that all contact is ended?

Would he be willing to commit to a program of recovery and perhaps even go into counseling with Steve Harley?

Here is what it will take to recover your marriage: Four Rules to Guide
Marital Recovery After an Affair

Requirements for Recovery from an Affair

Am I in the wrong place? How do I do that?

wg, you should be over in the Infidelity section, probably in General Questions 11. All you have to do is hit "notify" at the bottom of the post and ask the mods to move it.

Probably not. I'm just going to have to record him again to see if he is still talking to her. If he is, what then?

Do you know anything about OW? Is she married? Does she have family? Have you exposed the affair to people who may have an influence in your WH's life? Pastor, parents, siblings, job. If OW is married, you can expose to her husband too. You don't do this vindictively, but to bust up the affair and ask others for support in trying to save your marriage.

Oh, and don't tell him you're going to expose, just do it, all at once. And don't tell him about this forum, this is your safe place to come and vent and get advice.

Did you tell him about the recorder? From now on, don't tell him HOW you're getting your information.