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#2153503 11/04/08 09:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
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drgnfly Offline OP
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My H came out and told me about his affair with one of his ex-co-workers (they've both moved to different companies.) This was three weeks ago. He had moved out the previous night with some bogus excuse about our problems, then he confessed the following night. A week later he wanted back in saying that he can't live without me and he sent her a message that he won't have any involvement with her ever again. She of course called, sent texts, emails, and her dad even called and sent messages!

I found out a week later that he gave in and has been talking to her. He swears that they only talk on the phone or email, but as far as I'm concerned that's still continuing the affair! He keeps twisting the addiction angle to suit his needs, and it's really starting to tick me off. He keeps saying that as soon as he's sure we can make the marriage work, then he'll stop talking to her. What?! So I'm hearing that he's keeping her on the side "just in case."

She keeps calling him and needing him for stupid situations she puts herself into so he can be her knight in shining armor. Her husband filed for divorce since she has cheated with married men on multiple occasions, so now she's completely free to chase my H.

I KNOW we can get through this, but my H has no brains left and I'm growing tired of fighting this by myself. I've been changing myself back to what he fell in love with and he's noticed and likes it very much. He just keeps getting pulled into her web. How can such an intelligent man be such an imbecile??

btw...did I mention that she pretended to be my friend the whole time and played with my daughter??!!


BW-31
FWH-32(skald)
DD-5
In Recovery
"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

"To Err is Human. To Arr is Pirate."
drgnfly #2153508 11/04/08 10:14 PM
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Quote
He keeps saying that as soon as he's sure we can make the marriage work, then he'll stop talking to her. What?!

Exactly. Deranged justification to keep OW in the loop. Textbook behaviour from waywards. I hear the exact same thing from my WW - i.e. "we are wonderful together GH31 - it's just the resentment from the past that prevents me making a step back into the marriage". Otherwise we spend hours every week together and have sex about 3 times per week - more than the majority of married couples.

Go figure.

Quote
How can such an intelligent man be such an imbecile??

The chemicals that have flooded his brain prevent him from acting intelligently and fromr reaching responsible decisions about his life. I and thousands of others before me have noticed the exact same thing. They become radically different beings for a while.

GH31


Me: 36
FWW: 36
1 son born in Dec 2009 - confirmed mine through DNA test
1 daughter born in Nov 2010
Together: 13 years
Married: 10 years

PA/EA: January 2008 to July 2009
FWW left for OM: 01/28/2008
FWW returned for 9 days: 04/2008
FWW returned 05/21/2008

......
GH31 #2153705 11/05/08 11:25 AM
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drgnfly Offline OP
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This situation is a little more involved than I told at first. OWH is apparently unstable and has threatened his whole family a couple times. At least these are the sob stories she's feeding my H to string him along. OWH has been practically stalking me so we can talk and he finally caught up to me about a week ago. I've met him before and we got along fine, and this time was no different. He just wanted to let me know that he feels bad that me and my daughter were thrown into this situation. He was also wondering how much I knew about everything since his wife was lying to him about the whole thing. I told him everything I know because I was NOT going to cover for them.

When my H found out I'd talked to him, he yelled at me and said how dangerous this guy is. Apparently my H was on the phone with the police one night for a couple hours when OWH was threatening to kill himself. My H NEVER told me any of this - how was I to know what this guy is really like?? He has called and texted me a couple times, and he followed my H home from work one night - nothing happened, they just talked, but it scared the he!! out of me. Now my H doesn't think he's that bad. But I have to watch what I say to him so he can't use it to hurt his wife in their divorce. WHAT??!! He keeps protecting her!

My brother-in-law found out that OWH has been hounding me and is pissed at my H for letting this happen. He's ready to take care of the situation himself. My H is trying to diffuse his brother so that OWH doesn't get hurt, because that in turn would be bad for her.

I am so frustrated and pissed off at him right now!


BW-31
FWH-32(skald)
DD-5
In Recovery
"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

"To Err is Human. To Arr is Pirate."
drgnfly #2153715 11/05/08 11:41 AM
Joined: Sep 2006
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You've done Plan A, made changes that he has taken notice of, and he's STILL cake-eating? The nutcases OW and OWH are more of an influence on WH now than dragonfly could ever be. She needs to protect herself.

Anybody else think an immediate launch of Plan B is in order? Maybe a call to Steve or Jennifer first?



Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Chances are good that the husband is NOT crazy, just very distraught about his wife's betrayal.

Sounds like you have the Plan A idea down, so continue with that for about 6 weeks, and then go to Plan B.


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