Well he says so far he says she is not pregnant. That's the 4th time I've asked in 6 months. DD17 has asked him in the past too. Same answers I get.

OW probably could lie, but I would think by now hopefully she'd be even fatter(sorry abt that, she's twice my size already to start with, that's the confusing part) and he would have to notice the size change in her I'm guessing if she was.

I know of an OW that told the mm she had been fixed.

She's pg right now.

I hate her fricken guts...and no, she's not VD.

It is HIGHLY recommended that BS's NOT tell their WS's of the MB forum until they've committed to recovery, for example by establishing NC. For the record (since this isn't always obvious) one of the main reasons is because BS's get advice here on strategies including snooping. A BS should NOT tip their hand!

By the time a WS should be here, they should be ok with the fact that their spouse loved them enough to do whatever it took to fight for their marriage, and that their spouse is working on changing him/herself.

It is tempting for a new BS to try to get their WS here asap. That is NOT recommended, not until the WS is on board with R.

That was my thought too. I hope he's correct, that she isn't. I wonder what he was talking about then.


This woulda been a great time to say, "I refuse to do that especially while I AM STILL MARRIED." You could also say even if you were divorced, you are working on some things for yourself, becoming the person you want to be which includes becoming a better wife when the time comes, and you would want to remain single until you'd sorted those things out.


I dunno, this may have been a good time to say that you wouldn't want to continue in a loveless marriage with someone who isn't committed to the marriage. You want a marriage that meets each other's needs, that you are learning from the mistakes you made before, and you intend for any marriage you are in to be a good one.

So I say well I can't do this forever the sharing, its really hard I will do the best I can and when it's too hard I will let you know(PB hints) I say if that does happen I just hope you continue to call and visit the kids. He says well if its too hard now I can not come(he was kinda half snotty, seemed almost like a threat but I'm not sure).


I took this as him saying the OW can't tell him what to do so he doesn't need you as an excuse to get out, he'll get out if he wants to. It sounds like that isn't entirely true though, there's that "more going on" that we don't know about yet. Sounds to me like she's got *something* to keep him tied to her even if he wants to break free.

You are doing awesome. I love reading your posts. I was grinning the other day reading your update, and H walked in so I had to tell him all about it.

I could speculate all day about what more is going on to keep you H tied to the OW. OW say and do crazy things in their desperation to keep your WH.

In my situation OW made threats of suicide and supposedly had a history of attempting suicide. She also tried to use her kids to guilt my H into staying with her.

So there is just no telling what more is going on. But if it is just OW playing manipulative games eventually your H will see through her games.

Exactly. And that's the difference between manipulative games vs. the MB plans: MB isn't about *manipulation*. Sure it's strategies, designed to have an outcome, but at every point ppl are supposed to assume responsibility only for their own actions and not focus on changing the other person.

Which is why it's ok for a repentant WS to know about the MB forum. This isn't to manipulate. This is just the BS being true to herself and fighting for her M and protecting herself and her kids.

OTOH the OW is prolly getting pretty desperate right about now, and willing to do anything she can to manipulate...

H is here again, jumping on quickly. He is scheduled to be far from out polling place so he is dropping of his ballot to me. I said since your here would you like to join us for dinner, he accepted but said he can't stay late.

Update ya'll later.....

Oooooh..... you serving watermelon rinds, right? You should serve wine, lots of wine! So he can't drive home!

OW must be steaming. Did you ever smear make-up on his collar, or patchouli oil? Or watermelon rinds? LOL

"Oooooh..... you serving watermelon rinds, right? You should serve wine, lots of wine! So he can't drive home!"

My, my, my, Jaynie - you are a very bad girl.................

He just left. Didn't serve watermelon rinds, was such a last minute thing LOL, guess I should keep it on hand.

Was a quick visit, he was here only about 4 hours, funny guess that's not so short is it? LOL


Not much a big Plan A night, I did listen attentively as conversation is big for him and he said the meal was really really good, he has high domestic need too.

Yesterday evening sent him another one of the admiration emails thanking him for everything and saying how much we appreciate all he's been sacrificing for us and loving us that way.

I was talking with my friend just kinda of updating him as he still prays for H. He was telling me about a situation where they had extended family and they were struggling with alcoholism and how it seems very similar(Plan A/B). He said that the family member they had needed to make the choice of rehab. It made me wonder is what part of Plan B accomplishes it forcing the WS to make a choice?

I told friend that H did not want to hurt anyone anymore and my friend says well a hard choice has to be made and he does not want to make a choice. Well said. A choice has to be made.

Well I'm leaning on not notifying the OW when I go to plan b. One of you guys had made a good point about it. I want him to choose of his own accord to come home and not resent me because I broke it up.

So I'm not sure the rest of the week when I am seeing H again, I know Saturday he took the day off when i mentioned him taking it off it a few weeks ago.

What can I do to Plan A if I don't see him till Saturday. Maybe some funny email jokes or something...any other ideas?

I'll weigh in, although I may be in the minority. Some of the other folks are more experienced than I am, so if they disagree, go with them.

IMHO if you are doing fine, i.e. not going nuts and not losing your love, then if you want to Plan A another week I think you should. The point of Plan B is to protect yourself, your sanity, and to protect your love. If you're doing ok then more time in Plan A is just that many more love bank deposits, that much more time for him to get hooked on your awesome DS and Admiration.

No. It ~usually~ brings them to the place where choosing to be separated from you hurts worse than tossing over the OP.

Another week? Play it by ear. I think you'll know at the time if you should or shouldn't, and I do like the idea of making it easier on your son. (As long as it isn't at the expense of your nearly perfect Plan A.)

Your PB hints have been perfect touches up to now, but I would recommend not giving any more. Let him relax back again, thinking and hoping that his supply of cake is going to stretch forever after all. That will maximize the impact when the ovens shut off and the last bit of batter gets scraped in the trash.

It's up to you about notifying the OW. I heartily approve of it myself, but the A is doomed anyway. I do think sending them a copy of the PBL can hasten the demise of the A, but wouldn't consider it mandatory, either.

Yeah your right no more PB hints, he could very well think I planned it.

I feel fine for what I am going through. I don't feel emotionally bad, which puzzles me, guess that comes more in Plan B. So I think the 1 extra week will be fine, but If I feel like I am going to lose it for some reason I will implement the Plan B ASAP.

So I am going to Plan B on the 22nd after son's game sometime that day. I will only have to miss 1 playoff game and I can send son with DD17 and I think he will be ok. With all the anxiety he's endured because of the A, I think for him it's the best outcome. He starts to get very worried if I am not around but know I can explain to him missing just 1 game.

Well I can clearly say he is in full cake eating mode, especially with his last retarded comment of time is just going to have to take place and I'm not on anyones time line and I don't want to hurt anyone again blah blah blah-Hilarious!

For as much as he has reached out to me(groping, flirting etc) It makes me wonder if he does it to her too?

Oh Man I have to tell you guys the funniest thing(I don't think I posted it yet, I can't remember since I update so much LOL)
So H is saying goodbye to DD17 and I at the door last night and I ask how long will it take you to get home? He gets ready to answer and DD17 blurts out that's not home and comes unglued and starts laughing out loud. It catches me off guard and I think its hilarious so I start laughing and H hears it and he start kinda giggling. So I try to compose myself and say I mean how long will it take you to get to your r-e-s-i-d-e-n-c-e. It was a darn funny moment.

DD17 always says whats the stupid grin on his face every time he leaves, is it guilt because he knows what he is doing? I say probably.

Ya know on the condition of having him post to MB, I think it would back fire if he saw my posts. How can I get him help, maybe my condition should be phone counseling with Harley's or whoever they have at MB? I'm not super confident in most marriage counselor concerning A, except for the Harleys. Can I have that as a condition?

As of now H say's he may see us on Thursday. Think I'll send him some flirty pics today and maybe some admiration and jokes since can't see him.

WEll I'm off to vote...whoo whoo... I really love casting my vote, it's a great privilege! God Bless the USA!!

Absolutely. Or you can set the condition that he attend a MB weekend with you and do all the followup work.

Here's a text message/joke you can send him:

"Just heard we're being invaded by aliens and they're taking away all the beautiful people. I'm gonna miss ya!"

It'll keep him guessing-- is this a compliment or an insult?!?

Ha aha haa LOL I love it I'm gonna send him that joke...

Score a 7-pointer for your DD! That was awesome, and by laughing instead of strangling him, you both got away with a solid hit.

I agree, we are so blessed to be able to vote. As women, especially, since not all that long ago, mild-mannered church ladies were going to jail so that I could walk freely into a bright and happy polling place and get a donut to eat while voting. I've come to appreciate it more as I've gotten older, and not just the donuts, either.

Wow guys, guessed who just called me to shoot the breeze about the election stuff. Yup H! I am still kinda shocked. He usually calls for reasons. It was nice to talk politics again, as we both vote for the same and have the same belief systems in politics.

He misses the snot out of you.

(passes T2L the communal kleenix)

- Kimmy, The Keeper of the Communal Hanky

Here is a wonderful poem by Emily Dickenson - you can send this as a text

Wild nights - wild nights !
Were I with thee
Wild nights should be our luxury

Futile - the winds - To a heart in port -
Done with the compass -
Done with the chart !

Rowing in Eden -
Ah, the sea !
Might I but moor - tonight - in thee !