I do have my letter ready but I will add that jailer thing in there since it seems like an issue to him.

Me man hear he roar "I want more ramen!" LMAO!!!!!

Tomorrow is exactly 2 weeks to PB. I'm gonna try and see if he'll go on a dinner date with just me before the PB. I don't know if he'll do it but I think I'll ask. I know he'll come for visits with the kids but not sure if he will if its just me.

So would I ask him that in the PBL or casually in conversation when we are together?

At a point when he puts out feelers again, you would slip it into the conversation.

Sneaking on again...Its 9:20PM and he fell asleep on the couch...I hope he stays but not holding my breath. So H was on his way over and he sends me a text that says its a freaking gorgeous day.

I responds well good morning! Yes it is a gorgeous day, that's what I love about you. You can enjoy the beautiful day just like me, I'm off to the shower to get ready to bad your not here to take one with me.

H met us at DS10 football game. Afterwords all of us went to lunch, then since the weather today was absolutely perfect we went to the Ronald Regan Library since it's just a few minutes away and spent an hour there.

We came home and H went out behind the house with DS10 to throw the football together. A bit later DD17 and DS10 went to see a movie and OF COURSE he cheated on the OW again I did however say so ya wanna go to my bedroom?? He didn't resist or anything he went straight to my room and undressed.

(Ok this time we had one of those{{ahem}} issues with ED. The last couple times before were fine. The first 2 times he cheated on OW he was kinda limp but the last few times he was fine so I thought we were done with this. I mean this was never never never a problem before all this and I asked him like 3 weeks ago remember, and he said your a beautiful woman you have nothing to worry about I wouldn't have sex with you if your weren't-unless he was lying to me. But I dropped it after that.

It's like I wonder am I totally not attractive to this guy any more that he can't get it up? Like maybe he's more into OW? I am trying not to let this effect my self esteem-I mean I worked with what I had tonight LOL so that's great, but why why why isn't he {{sorry TMI}} getting hard??? In 24 years this has never been a problem. Can stress do that? Or maybe the living a double life?? Or maybe he just doesn't find me attractive in that way anymore. Could he just do this as a pity screw?? I mean feeling sorry for me and that's the only reason? I mean I take really good care of myself, exercise and eat right, hair and makeup, dress well....Ok sorry just wondering....If any of ya'll got experience or thoughts on this feel free to let me know. As of now unless he stays the night we won't see him tomorrow...I think hes up be back later.....

Guilt, double life, trying to satisfy two women, at least one of them voracious, more stress, and lots of Top Ramen, can put a little limp in any noodle.

THE PROBLEM IS NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't worry until a while into reovery if the problem persists. Keep on with the good fight, and make the best of what he gives you, just like you did tonight.

Did I mention it's not you?

Ok jumping on quick cuz gotta go to church and I'm late. Wanna know why I'm late this morning?

Well H stayed the night after all. Son & I asked him to stay last night because it was already 12:30 AM. He woke from his nap and hung out with us. He said no at first as he had stuff to do, I said why don't you just leave in the morning. He didn't really answer so I didnt wanna love bust so I smiled and said ok I'll make you coffee. And then H says well I'm gonna tuck DS10 in and then I head off to my room and he comes in 10 minutes later and says hes just gonna stay!!!

SO he hangs with son for 10 minutes then comes in and asks if he can watch TV in here while I finish preparing for church stuff in the morning. I say sure. Then I get ready for bed and he says Is it ok if I sleep in here(IDK guys is it??) So I say sure cuz I really was caught off guard.

So he grabs me we snuggle and fall off to sleep. At 7AM guess who is right behind me?? I feel a lil nudge and say hmmmm what's that? He says a morning surprise, I say oh really and thus he cheats on OW again! Anyways he just took son to breakfast and I said goodbye as I won't see him when I get back.

Was it ok for him to sleep in my bed? Did I handle that ok? Ok I'm off back after church.

Muah to all yous guys who I really in all honesty can't imagine living with out! Your help is invaluable!

And yes I still have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Of course it is okay for him to sleep in the same bed with his wife.

One has to wonder what is up with him spending so much time with you. He must be lying like H to the OW. Or maybe he is trying to get her angry so she will dump HIM. Who knows?

If she happens to contact you, I wouldn't talk to her. She will only turn things you say around.

By all means let him sleep with you!

This is going to be some backstory when you get it - it's hard to imagine what must be going on at the other end for this to be happening, so don't bother to try and figure it out. I mean, him being with you that much with no discernible repercussions is Twilight Zone kind of weird.

Wait till he's home, and he'll tell you all about it himself.

falling asleep and waking up next to each other is one of the more intimate acts - much more intimate than *ahem-ing* and then *buh-bye* (leaving)

Oh good, I was worried. I asked him to stay earlier in the evening and he said he had some stuff to take care of.

So I expected he was going to leave and but then he feel asleep and woke up about 9:30PM. At this point really thought he was going to leave so I kept waiting well 12:30 rolls around and he's still here but he says can you make me some coffee, which is kinda what I do when he heads out so he can stay awake for the drive. So I say are you sure you wanna leave this late you look pretty tired. HE says again, I have some stuff to take care of, so I respond well why don't you just stay and leave in the morning. He can see that my DS10 is listening and sad by him having to leave. Then H says I'm going to tuck DS10 in so I make his coffee set it by the door and go to my room to get ready for bed and stuff. HE comes in 10 minutes later and says I'm gonna stay. I respond are you sure, I know I asked you a few times and I don't want you to feel pressured into having to stay he says no I want to so I drop it. I sure do wonder too what on earth he is saying to her, I am assuming lies. His mother lives an hour away too just in another direction so I'm thinking he is saying he is visiting his mom. Who knows can some one turn me into a fly so I can sit on the wall and listen to them?? LOL

I left for church this morning and DS10 and him went to breakfast as DD17 didn't want to get up to go. H and DS10 come back and I guess he did a few chores and then says to DD17 ok I have to go I have some stuff to take care of(again) . Kinda weird why doesn't he just say I have a lot to do?

I am now 13 days left until PB. I am ready, wishing I didn't have to but know that it must be done and that this is not a life that I would want long term. It is hard tho having a part of your old H back in your life, not totally him, but a part of him and having to go dark. I am hoping the holidays and our 19 year anniversary knock him on his head hard, one can always hope right? Overall I feel I gave it my all and put in as much as I could in meeting his needs during my Plan A and either way feel like no matter what happens I did my best and made some positive 180's for myself.

I did send him a text(admiration) in the late morning thanking him for a great day yesterday and for the snuggling and morning surprise and wishing him a great day. He says you too, see ya.

As of now we will see him either tomorrow or Tuesday. Kinda glad he's not here today I need some darn rest! LOLOL

I did mention the dinner date with him, he seemed like he was considering it so I'm gonna confirm it today hopefully.

I'm going to take a nap all this Plan A'ing has me exhausted!

Back in a while.....Thanks you guys for the feedback!

Ahhh nice nap....kinda weird though. I feel sad and I can't figure out why. I oddly feel like I want to cry but not letting myself since the kids are around.

I mean the weekend went well, he stayed the night last night was here in the morn(you can read my last few posts) so why am I feeling like this? WE had a really nice time Saturday. It bothers me. I haven't felt sad like this in a while, at least not since I implemented Plan A which was better than the 5 prior months of just surviving I was doing before I found SAA.

I took a nap and woke up feeling sad, don't get it. Maybe it was because I let him sleep in my bed, maybe it triggered something subconscious?

Trying to stay busy and organize and clean to fight it off, but boy may need to just go take a bath and let it out. Don't feel angry just wanna cry. Ok I vented....thanks guys....I'll get it together...

you are in a sad stressful situation - gee, I wonder why you are feeling sad ???????????????

In this case turnabout IS fair play.

She did not think about you and your family.

You will not concern yourself for her and hers right now. I know it's hard for a GOOD person to do this.

But you cannot help her feel better. This is her bitter pill.

She is beneath you.

She's dirty, cracked up lineolium - you don't notice it till some sticks to your shoe and you must scrape it off.

Hope you're feeling better today. You're going to come out of this all right.

Plan A can be very stressful. It is difficult to keep up a good one with no LB's. Hopefully you will do some self care today and enjoy a little break.

Thank guys feeling better. He even called to chat for a bit last night after I posted. Just light conversation.

Have neglected a little self care since I have been focusing so hard on my Plan A. Think I'll go take a salsa class tomorrow, always have a lot of fun. Yesterday was 1 month til my 19 year anniversary, maybe that's why I got down. Anyways feeling better today, gonna go do more organizing, it oddly seems to help me-sick i know! LOL

12 days left in Plan A, almost there. You can bet I'll be on that day.

Thanks for being there for me ya'll love ya like a sis!

Not at all - it allows you to put order and control into at least one aspect of your life. I'm right there with you. I put order where I can. To me order is not rigid or confining but peaceful, predictable, reliable, and serene. To a point, of course.

I know you want to Plan A until your DS's next-to-last game but PLEASE don't Plan A too long. When your love starts going, it goes fast. You want to Plan B right as you begin to feel your love slipping. Don't "be strong" and don't play the martyr. Be ready to protect yourself when the time comes.

Exactly right!

Yes.

I've been the one saying it's ok if you stay in Plan A for longer than you originally planned, as long as you are still feeling good about it. OTOH I absolutely agree that you should NOT stay in Plan A past the time you start to lose your love or your sanity. At least no longer than it takes to have that last good interaction. Who knows, maybe the next time he comes over you'll want to have the PBL handy just in case you decide you can't take it anymore... then make sure to not LB just that one last time, and as he leaves, hand him the PBL.

Somewhere on another thread is a quote regarding why and when to go to PB.

You've done an absolutely PERFECT Plan A. Any one of your visits will be ok as the last Plan A interaction if you need to go to Plan B.

I will watch myself for it. I don't feel like I'm losing love, at least in massive amounts. I feel very focused and ready. I think I didn't do much self care and I think that's why I felt that way.

But I will watch myself though and keep aware as I don't want my love bank to break either.