Its been sometime but I had an emotional affair back in April. I've admitted and we are still together. We have rough times still because she is still trying to understand why it happened and tells me I don't communicate with her about it enough. I'm trying to just move on as I feel I am a new man and recommitted to her and to making it work.

I told her I was immature and stupid and selfish. I realize she is #1 now and not myself.

I'm seeking advice on how I should communicate about this past stuff and how I can help her to keep moving on.

We have way more good times then bad and I know we are going to make it.

Thanks!

Wouldn't you like to think that your wife is your number one best friend in the world? The one who has your back, as you have hers? The one with whom you should have no shame because you don't judge each other, you can tell each other anything? Isn't that what marriage should be?

If so, you need to open up and let her into your mind. No, you do NOT need to just move on. You need to sit down with each other and start talking. Honestly, about everything under the sun. Hopes, dreams, disappointments, each other, life, politics, religion, everything.

You owe her that much. But more importantly, you owe the marriage that much. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it is the only way to achieve the special life together you want.

Have you read the material here about Love Busters and Emotional Needs? Emotional affairs happen because you are not handling LBs and ENs correctly. Learn it, live it, love it, so it doesn't happen again.

She is my best friend and we share everything. We talk often during the day as well.

I'll read up some more on the stuff you mentioned. I know I have read it before.

I've explained as best as I could why it happened and I feel horrible for it. I obviously wasn't getting enough attention at home which this other girl was providing. Hopefully she understands this to be the truth as I can't understand why else I connected for a short time with this other woman. Looking back, I have no feelings at all for the other girl as it was an ego burst if anything. I've learned that if I need something from my wife or relationship, I need to talk to her first.

Thus, I've learned from my mistake and I have in essense matured more.

Sorry, but that's not quite true, or you would have told her your feelings for the other woman as soon as it happened.

But please do follow up on LBs and ENs. They can truly change your marriage for the better, if you follow the concepts. They have done wonders for my marriage, and I was ready to walk away a year ago.

David, did you give your wife all the facts and details about the affair? That is what she needs to know. Did you answer all her questions openly or honestly or were you like a hostile witness for the defense?

My biggest concern is if you ended all contact with the OW? You don't see her in any capacity, do you?

It was a co-worker. I quit and we actually moved away 500 miles...no contact with her or any other woman.

If you love her and sure about her love to you then you will get over it. It is not easy but will take sometime. With your love and faith stay more connected and honest.

There come some moments where we feel weak, if we do not find someone strong supporting our back we may try to find someone to support us. This what happened with you as you described, you could not find what you need at home when you needed it. It might be hard on her but talk to her and explain how this happened. Let her gain back that missed trust. Humans might not forget or forgive hurt, but with love they might be able to move on and pass over it.

Put yourself in her situation and do your best to clear this up. With your understanding about what she is going through you might be able to connect with her again. However, you need first to gain this trust and conenction with yourself.