I met him in my 1st year of high school ( i was 15), he was a senior (18 yrs). I had no idea that our relationship would become so serious. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school, in a way he is the only positive man figure in my life. But, I do love him, not in a surigate father type way. Our relationship furthured my dad and I's rocky relationship, my dad found out his 15 yr old girl was intimant with a man, and I chose to side with my boyfriend and ended my relationship with my dad because I wanted to marry my man and no one would dare stop me.
NOW, things are a little different. I still love my man sooo much, he is smarter and more loving than my friends men. Sometimes he is soo sweet and he can read my fellings like a book. He makes me happy,and he says I will make a great wife. We always talk about "when we get married, when we have kids." Etc. I wasn't leading him on, I really did think I wanted to marry him. But, I'm in college and a little more mature. My entire family really likes George, but absolutly do not want me to marry him. they say I can do soo much better. I admit he isn't as handsome as I once thought he was,sometimes I want to ravish him, other times I want him to get braces and a rhinoplasy (terrible for me to say that, he will never do those anyways.) and I sometimes think my family is right. I'm encredibly attached to him,( yes, I do love him, i'm just attached too, he's my comfort blanket in a way) and always ask myself if we break up will I ever find a man like him? I also ask myself, what if I marry him and make a huge mistake? We do have different goals in life, he wants a family, and I want to travel, have a high paying carrer, and a family thats well off. He said we will travel when we retire & have $, but i want to travel B4 we have kids and when I'm still young... What if I could find someone else and have a more fullfilling life? What if I ruin my life by breaking up with him?
Anyways, I told him all my feelings about my doubts on our 4 yr aniversary in sept. The same day he asked me to marry him, even wanting to elope. I told him i wasnt sure, im too young (19). We both still live w/our parents I cant find a job and he has a business degree but workes in construction. He was shocked that I wasnt ready after talking about marriage all the time. I was also sad about how confused and unsure i felt. WTF is wrong with me, I should be happy that he wants to marry me, not freaked out, one day I do want to marry him, other days I think I would be happeir w/o him.
Since them our relationship has been in a weird limbo. Well, last night I told him we either have to get married of break up because our relationship has been stagnant for the past year, and we cant drag our relationship on.He agreed and said he didnt want to be lead on for 4 more yrs.( he wants to be married W/kids B4 he turns 25, in 4 yrs.) He again asked me to marry him and said the choice is all mine. I've been torn about this for about 2 yrs, but I did say yes. He was just so romantic and the thought of finally haveing change in our relationship felt nice. Thinking about the future and moving out, the honey moon, living with him instead of hugging him good bye every night seemed really nice.
He acted like the happiest man in the world, and I felt like I just dug myself into a hole that I can't get out of. We even set a date to marry in 6 months. God, I don't even know how to plan a wedding, my family will be upset (his happy) and I will be unsure the whole time.
I feel like a peice of crap for not being ready or sure about us when he is 100% sure that I am the women he wants. When I asked him what he wants in life he said "all i know is that I want u to be my wife" how can marrieng someone like that make me unhappy? Now I just agreed to marry him and I don't feel happy, I'm just depressed. How can I take back what I so firmly said last night, I even told him he should get me a ring soon so we can tell our familiys, that would be odd to say, "oh never mind I changed my mind 4 hrs after professing that I want to marry you and making plans for our futer." How devestating for him would it be if I broke up with him now, after he was so happy? It's not fair of me to mess with his emotions, I dont want that. I want him to be happy ( I want to be happy too), sometimes I think I should brake up with hime because I love him and he would be better off with someone more stable. But, then again the thought of him with anyone else but me makes me mad. He told me he would wait for me, but what if we wait another 4 yrs only for me to decide not to get married. I want to finish nursing school and get a job b4 we get married. That way we will have money and jobs. Both of those things are important to him, just not as importoant as marrieng me ASAP.
I even talked to my pastor about it and all he said is there is no reason for me not to want to marry George, he even said he would do it that night, he said we need to make our relationship "right with god becasue we act like a married couple anyways." True, so why do I feel so wishy washy. Should I continue on and marry him knowing I will be happy,loved,provided for- but still wondering "what if" Or break up with a wonderfull man I love because my mind keeps on thinking about reason not to marry him- and always wondering "what if?"
BTW, my friends tell me to take a break, but our lives are so interwoven it would be hard to aviod eachother.
HELP! Any advice, what would you do, any similar experiences?

You are only 19, much too young to get married, especially with your doubts. Tell him as soon as possible that you feel like you are too young.

Then, if you were meant to be married, you can marry in the future, after you have a career and have done the things you want in life.

I have told him I'm too young. he thinks age is erelavent (spelling?) He also thinks that he is getting past his prime (hmm he's 21) I think that if I do break up/ take a break with him he will find someone fast in order to marry and have kids B4 his is 25 (25 is his gaol to be married w/kids by then) when he is 25 i will just be 21, is that still too young for me to get married and too late for him?

Ive just extracted all the positive things you've said about him. I don't think you should break up with this man when you feel this way. That said - you feel so much doubt and worry and anxiety about the prospect of marriage that I do believe you are too young for it at the moment.

He is prepared to wait for you (as he should be, as he loves you) so let him!! If you "waste" another 4 years of his life and then change your mind - well he'll still be VERY young and perfectly able to move on. And - 8 years in a good relationship is never a waste anyway.

Good luck, bub!

You ARE too young to know what you want. I would also suggest that you need to see what it's like to date other people, because you will always secretly resent not getting to do that, and you will pour that resentment onto him.

Go to college. Get your degree. Get your career started. You'll be too busy with college to worry about relationships (at least you should!). When that's all done, then look around and see if you still love each other.

Please don't do something just because someone wants you to. If you have a doubt, there's a reason.

Thank you for your advice. I talked to him tonight and told him I was too hasty last night when I told him I would marry him. He just got sad and said he understood. Now we are back in limbo state when we continue on dating w/o knowing what the end result will be.