I haven't spoken with him since Thursday and that was less than pleasant. Came by yesterday and picked up some clothes, would not leave the cell phone, so I turned it off. It's in my name $$$$$$$$$$$! And I don't care to facilitate his transgressions.... I'm pretty much looking at plan D. I don't know what else to do. He doesn't seem to care, won't get help, thinks nothing is wrong with him. How can I trust someone who would have sex with someone (more than one) in our home....this just makes me sick. I don't even know if I love him anymore. I'm so hurt and angry.

He didn't want you to know....he wasn't ready to end your marriage. Maybe he had hoped he could keep both things going on without you finding out.

Was he in a relationship or married when he met you? Were you?

It is certainly your choice if you want to through in the towel so early in this. You have every reason to divorce, if that is what you want. You don't have children together, that makes saving the marriage a bit less compelling, IMO.

We've known each other for about 12 years, been in a relationship for the last 7. We were both single 7 years ago....at least that's what I was told...considering the circumstances who knows how true that was.

Can a marriage be saved after this kind of transgression. He is so cavalier, then blames it all on me. How can he say the words I long to hear to someone else and then talk so nasty to me.

How can he let me cook him breakfast then hang out with our/my son and cats in the morning laughing and sweet then have her over just hours later, then show up in my office between classes all lovey dovey. It seems psychotic to me.

It's called "cake-eating", dear.

Mine acted similarly. He didn't use our house but he did use the OW's house...who was still married with 3 kids too. As he felt more 'in love' with OW, he did become more distant and mean. He blamed me for everything, no matter how trivial. He was charming and everyone liked him. He made me seem like I was crazy and that whatever was wrong must have been my fault.

During false recoveries he became a cake eater. Before MB, at times it actually felt like he was having an A with me...because he was getting a high from being a cake eater. There were many manifestations of sicko psychotic behavior. He became a liar even about stupid little stuff that it was ridiculous to lie about. I think lying empowered him. He was living a life of moral relativity...or maybe just amoral.

He is not that person anymore. He is my husband again and we were able to recover. It was not easy...but it was possible. I would say most people don't have it in them to bother....especially if there are no children involved.

How did you learn to trust him again. There are so many lies on top of lies. And i don't think this is an in love thing....perhaps it has evolved but there is a long string of casual sex suspects.

Will I ever stop crying? This is so not like me. I'm a sunny happy person. But now, out of the clear blue I'll burst into tears even though he is a jerk and doesn't deserve my sadness.

How long does it take to feel human again? He won't even admit that he did anything wrong because he was not caught in the literal act. Will that kind of person ever repent?

Yes, the crying will stop. Unfortunately, it will be a long time before you feel like yourself again. By doing plan A, working to be a better you, you will slowly recover; if not your marriage then yourself. It will probably lots of effort to feel like you can eat and sleep. More than likely you will lose weight. I am naturally thin and didn't need to lose weight. Others find it is a side benefit since they were able to lose weight they had difficulty losing pre-A.

I went to the doctor for anti-depressants because it felt like my body was shutting down to die and I felt little control over it. I didn't want to feel nauseous. I didn't want to have insomnia. I stayed on them 2 stints of 8 months each before we really recovered. Early on, I had one prescription for xanex which I used sparingly...so I could sleep some. I knew they could be addictive and lose their effectiveness over time and require more. I limited myself to a 1/4 or 1/2 tablets to sleep. I suggest you get yourself to the doctor.

Yes, a WS can be redeemed. Once they want to. Since this sound like casual sex...unless he's settled on one particular partner...he may have a sex addiction and may need treatment for that before you can attempt to recover your marriage...should you wish to earn your divorce by trying to work the plans and attempt a recovery.

Thanks for the info about sleeping. I usually weigh about 123 and am down to 115, a little on the thin side!

What stuns me about all of this is how indignant he is, like he has done nothing wrong, it's the nosy neighbors, and me looking at his cell phone etc. He doesn't see a problem with women sending pics of their privates to his email or signing up for dating sites.

I just wonder, after all of this, if it is even worth the effort. Then I start crying again.

I average 120lbs...I went down to 103 at one point early on...this was before I had proof of the A...but my gut was telling me something was definitely wrong.

His attitude does sound like that of a sociopath. Is this behavior aberrant to the man he was for most of his marriage to you?

He has always had a lot of women friends. Many have become mine too. He skates and it seems that guys can't get their egos out of the way to learn something and women love to learn. So they are always all over the place.

I have always been uncomfortable with the amount of time he spends talking with them on the phone and have brought it up, quietly, and was told I was paranoid and insecure.

This new behaviour is very different though.

In order for you to recover, if that is what you want, then that independent, disrespectful, behavior will have to end. He will not be able to keep opposite sex friendships outside what you as a couple maintain together. This will of course include his telephone calls with the opposite sex.

Well, much water has gone under the bridge since my last post. He has moved out, I've filed for divorce, I keep uncovering lie after lie over the years and bobby pins in the couch downstairs, (I have short hair and don't use them) So I guess this is it. It's over. How how how do I get to the point where I'm not haunted while I'm trying to sleep, going over the lies and betrayal in my head. How can someone treat someone that way. I was very good to him, and he even said so. How could someone look you right in the face and lie like that, have sex in the home you share, under your wedding pictures. How could he curl up with me on a couch that night after having another woman on it that morning. How could I have been so stupid. How could I love someone like that. How do I get to tomorrow in one piece and figure out who I am again.