|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144 |
Johnstwin pretty much summed it up.
But if your job is more important than your wife, your marriage and your life.... oh h***. I've said that already.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4 |
righttherewaiting u hit the nail right on the head that is the answer i have been looking for. No I am not sleeping with her anymore but i understand what ur saying. There is no alternative right now to find work else where. I'am looking for other openings but all they have right now is overseas and my wife refuses to move overseas. Thank u for all ur input it has been very helpful. This is all very fresh for us and we are taking it one day at a time.
Thanks u!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144 |
I'm glad I could clarify that for you, idiot.
So, what can you do right now to eliminate contact with this person whose presence is keeping you stuck, numb and keeping your wife in pain and anxiety? (BTW, DOES SHE WANT YOU TO QUIT YOUR JOB OUTRIGHT?)
Do you and OW work in the same department? Have to interact on a daily basis? Or are you in different areas that would allow you to not deal with her at all if you took certain precautions? Would your wife be OK with that, or is just having you in the same building with her upsetting? (It SURE was for me!)
If you are in a position to have to deal with her, could you request a transfer to another department? Or do what my FWH did--press for a work-at-home situation so you don't even have to go into the office.
There ARE alternatives. Why don't you and your wife brainstorm on this and see how many options you can come up with?
Right Here Waiting
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
idiot, can you transfer to another location as RHW suggested? Working in the same building wouldn't really work, but it might be a short term solution.
Also, did you ever hear the phrase "never get your honey in the same place you get your money?"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069 |
Idiot,
As you know, these decisions should be made as a Team, you and your wife. Nothing decided unilaterally.
So why don't you bring your wife here to MB so she can get the support she needs too.
Jo
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144 |
Idiot,
Have you and your wife talked about what SHE would be comfortable with regarding your present work situation?
Has SHE TOLD YOU that she would rather have you in daily contact with OW than move to another country?
HAVE YOU ASKED HER what you could do to make her feel safer?
ASK her. And then DO IT.
RHW
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 487 |
I'm glad you came here and I don't think you should be beat up by us in your quest to do what's right by your marriage. Have you read all of what Dr. Harley has written about affairs and the addiction that they involve? If not, please do. You are doing well in trying to come out of the fog. Continue this path and things will be clear enough for you to, finally, start making good decisions.
Here's the way I see it. IMHO, you must do WHATEVER you're wife asks of you to prove your commitment to her and your marriage. If she asks you to quit your job....quit! Go to pizza delivery if you have to. Work 3 jobs doing grunt work. Because, if you don't, the money you make will go to paying for your divorce and alimony and child support.
Talk to your wife. Beg her forgiveness and follow through on any promises you make to her.
Loni
BW (me)46, XH 46, OW 42 (former friend)
DS26, DD23, DS21, SS17, SS27
EA since 2/04? PA?
He filed for divorce 3/8/06.
OW divorce final 3/10/06.
He left 3/13/06, "to think"
Gave me letter from lawyer on 3/17/06.
Divorce final 9/1/2006.
Happily remarried to new H 6/7/08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
Well, your wife could decide to tell management at your employer....they you and ow could both lose your jobs. Many employers would rather let you both go rather than run the risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit on their hands.
How appealing does that sound?
Do you want that? Or, would you rather accept responsibility for charting your own course.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
292
guests, and
91
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,046
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
