The short version of my story is that my husband and I split up. He moved out and a few months later met a young (just turned 18) year old girl. He says it was a week long thing she says longer, I will never really know the truth. She got pregnant. He told me when she was 4 months along (we were divorced by then, but still getting along for our 3 childrens sake. For some reason, still unknown to me, I decided to befriend this young girl. I was thinking that she is the mother of my kids sibling time to be the bigger person. Well x and I got back together and started working on our relationship about a month after I found out. He refused to talk to ow. I had no worries about the two of them ever getting back together. I stayed in contact with her atleast once a week till baby was born and even went to see him when he was a couple hours old. He didn't look a thing like my x at that point. We had the baby for 2 visits and my x demanded a DNA test.
We got the results back and it is his. They tried talking to eachother tonight and only faught. I called her and we were able to come to some common ground. She is willing to work up to 50/50 custody with us. She is young and plays stupid games sometimes but also seems to see things from a very mature place sometimes for her young age. It sounds like this weekend may be our first real visit. I am scared!!!!!! I don't know how to explain it to our children. Not to mention that I just feel out of place and weird. If people see me around town with this baby will people think I am weak and just gave in to his short commings? I am not a weak person. I have sucked it up and put my big girl panties on. I am just emotionally drained. We got the dna results just last weekend. Then there is the whole point of what this baby is going to call me. He is only 4 months old now but it will eventually come to that point. She does not want him to call me mom, and I can see her point, but at the same time he is in my house and my kids call me mom. My brain just feels as if it is on over load. I want to wake up and not have to be the strong one. I don't want to be the adult in this situation anymore let alone be in this situation. I love my x very much. We were talking about getting married again, but I told him I needed to wait until things got settled more in our lives before I want to even start talking about that again! Will this be the rest of my life?

Will this be the rest of my life? Yes. If you stay with this man, it will be. I am in a similiar situation. My H has a 3 month old that I didn't even know about until she was 2 months old! Talk about a shocker. OW is very nasty and mean, there will be no friendship between us.

If I stay with H, eventually I believe this OC will be part of my life.

At least your H had his affair/fling when you were separated.

What kind of family do you have for support? Friends? That would be my first step.

Just have to say what you're doing seems pretty admirable. It must be really hard to do.

I recently posted but when I read your reply I felt the need to reply to you. I've been married for over 25 years. We have three children (25,20,15). I found out my husband was having an affair back in 2001. The child he fathered without me knowing was born October 30, 1998. I didn't want the other child in our life. A year later, he confessed he had been seeing the child and the other woman again. At this point, I wanted him to come clean with our children. At the time, they were 9, 14 and 19. He promised all of us he would spend the rest of his like making it up to us. Unfortunately, I couldn't deal with having the child included in our lives. The other woman wrote this pitiful letter in January saying she needed help financially, her car was being repossessed, etc. etc. She begged for me to allow my husband to see the child. I felt badly and agreed to help her and allowed the child to enter our lives. What a mistake! She is psycho!! And I just found out in May of this year (2008), he had been seeing the woman and child again behind my back!!! For the third time!!! I think it started up again around 2006 but he says he doesn't remember. He said he didn't want to not know the child. Why did he have to have sex with her again? He claims it was blackmale. He said she seduced him. He tells me over and over again that he loves me but he doesn't show appreciation for me dealing with this other woman and child. The other woman has harrassed me with e-mails, etc. etc. She uses the child as a pawn. I don't want to throw away 27 years with this man. I love him and my family with all of my heart. I've dedicated my life to him!!! I also make a lot of money so I don't need him financially. I just simply want to live in peace without the other woman and child interfering. I'm looking foward to grandchilren, not a child he made with a psycho!!