Danger! Danger! Danger! Will Rodgers!!!

Do not, I mean Do not this close to plan B- start talking about forcing him to choose in the future! Let OW do the LB's. You want your plan B to SMACK HIM IN THE FACE -- SCHOCK AND AWE!


I'm afraid if you start alluding to future problems, he will see the plan B as just a set up. Keep being your sweet apple pie self- and let the plan B letter do the talkin'for you. He will drive himself NUTZ trying to think back and find out "What went wrong with my cake eatin' lifestyle?".

Give the turd no mental ammo.

I'm just sayin', IMHO--

Yeah I could see how he would think it was a set up. I mean aside of the affair he's not a dumb guy. Yeah I don't think I can have him choose anything since he was so "I can do what I want and time needs to happen" crap!

Do you think like a few days prior I should pull back a bit or seem preoccupied? I mean if we're doing great, which we are(except for OW and his living arrangement LMAO) is going to be like what the heck?

Am I supposed to be peachy great and then drop the PBL? Will that seem weird or premeditated? Advise please. It seems weird to me to come out of no where.. but I'm still gonna do it. I just hope he doesn't get it. Would it seem better if I was kinda out of sorts just a bit and then it come?

And when I hand it to him and pointers? I was going to thank him for a great day and hand it to him and tell him how much I love him. Is that ok?

I am worried that I had him do so many chores that he may wonder if I used him although it was his request to please let him do the brakes on truck. He could think you used me to do all that stuff so you could drop me.

Ok Mentors shoot.....

Personally - I'd ask him a question a few days before plan B starts.
Something like:

Have you been considering stopping your adultery with (OW name)?

if he hems-haws his answer - your question IS his "heads up".

And if he noticed (big if), you could get a far-away look in your eye and say, "Oh, I was just thinking about how I'd like to spend the rest of my life." Then with a gentle shake of your head and a Mona Lisa smile say, nevermind, hey would you like a drink or something?"

JK of course. Since I never did a Plan B myself, I defer to the vets.

No. Don't be out of sorts.

PB isn't about you getting mad and getting payback. It's about how you choose to live the rest of your life, and who you let be close to you.

I agree... but what happens when he answers either way. Does she take it further or just change the subject.

I don't think asking him will work.

Remember when he stayed the night 2 weeks ago and we had breakfast together and he said he didn't want to hurt anyone any more and that time needs to happen(what ever the h3ll that means I have no clue-time to have 2 women I guess while he decides which one he wants??LOL)

And he's made 2 mentions that he can do what he wants and no one can tell him, and he means the both of us, the OW and me.

So is the general consensus to be strong Plan A and drop the letter just like that? Man that freaks me out. It just seems like it would be easier to get the letter if I was sad or something, but I'm gonna give it to him after a great Plan A day?

I'm gonna do it but want to be sure I do it right and that he doesn't think I planned this. I did however since implementing Plan A tell him 2 times that I didn't know how long I could go on doing this and that I would let him know when I couldn't do it anymore. Last time I said it 2 weeks ago the morning we had breakfast he said well I can not come over if that will help you, so you see I don't think asking will work.

If you think it will help, you can add in a phrase like, "I've done my best not to show you how much this has been hurting, but..."

So it's clear that you've been in pain all along, and just chosen not to let him know.

Yeah true, I like that, think that will work. I am hurting and I am sucking it up every time I see him maybe I can slip that lil line into PBL too.

Well he's gonna be here in an hour or so. Yup, house clean and candles lit. Tonight we will be serving, Rigatoni with bacon and sausage made with a fresh olive oil and deiced tomato sauce with sprinkles of fresh basil and a fresh salad with home made balsamic dressing and for dessert we have fresh baked peach pie!

I'm NOT an expert, but if it were me, I would show something, some sadness or melancholy or something. To be cheerful and upbeat and then hand him that PBL seems misleading, less than honest, to me. I would *feel* dishonest in the acting cheerful, knowing what was coming.

If you are worried about him thinking you've just been using him to get some chores done, I might add a sentence like "I really appreciate your coming around these past few weeks, but this just hurts too much. I've tried to deal with it as long as possible, but like I said, I can't go on sharing you forever." or something.

Then maybe as you say goodbye and hand him the PBL, I'd look into his eyes sadly and say something like, "I DO love you, I hope you know that."

Yodelayheewhoooooo!

Ok he's gone. I didn't end up going to salsa but am trying to plan it sometime this week. Everyone that was going ended up flaking and DD17 couldn't watch DS10 after H left so no biggie there are classes all week.

H came at about 5PM he stayed til 9:15. He actually said to me he had planned to stay the night but he just remembered that he is scheduled to be in San Diego tomorrow and his apartment with the Sea Hag is an hour closer. Anyways was quite surprised that he said that he was going to stay as no one invited him this time.

We had dinner and he chatted a lot about his job. Conversation was #3 I think and so I've been really been concentrating on him and listening when he speak. I wonder with all the chatting he does with me about work and what happens with him during the day how much can he be doing with her?

We had alone time for about and hour as kids were gone with sports etc. So yes SF took place!

Still had the minor ED prob but was manageable(sorry for the TMI guys just venting and being transparent hope that's ok) but this time I think it was worse in this way. At one point I was like ok dear God I don't think he's going to be able to ejaculate. Now I'm really trying hard to not notice this is taking F-O-R-E-V-E-R :crosseyedcrazy: and I don't mean that in a hurry up kinda way. I mean I'm down for taking your time but whew I was ready to surrender! Man can a double life jack a guy up that bad? We in 24 years have never ever had these issues-never!

LMAO Ok I need to laugh my booteh off for a minute cuz i could have never looked back a year ago and seen my life like this knowing I would be talking on this forum to mass people about patchouli oil, pumpkin pie, watermelon, red fire proof paint, candelabras, candles, ED problems, ejaculation issues and having SF with my H as the OW you could have NEVER made me believe it LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO

Anyways he says he may be back for a visit on Thursday he has to check his schedule, it kinda changes daily.

But yeah I can't imagine that I'm gonna be too perky handing the PBL to him. What if I cry, should I try my best to not cry? I'm not sure I can, I am hoping I can even keep it together during the visit. Feeling the weight of whats gotta be done.

I think I won't have him do anymore chores for the next week and a half, in fact the kids and did the garage yesterday which is probably good since he would have done that.

He just texted me that he got home and said goodnight and thanks for dinner.

Well friends one more Plan A day done and a week and a half left.

There is nothing in MB that says you can't have an opinion.

You might say something like: "It has been great.. but not "the way I want to live the rest of my life" kinda stuff."

Also, you may add, in your letter or tell him in person, that his attitude of "I live on my own time sched...poo" REMIND him- (or have your pastor remind him,) that he has a young son. Ask him if he would want HIS BOY treating two women like he has been treating his wife (and, I guess OW ?)

Does he want better, expect better, for his boy?
What does he want his daughter to get from a marriage? THIS STUFF?
Well, YOU DO wnat better for YOU and the kids-- and you want the example you lay down for your KIDS to be better than this...........

I agree!

I really don't think it will be a problem. You can mention something ahead of time, like you wish things could have been different...............

Deep in his foggy little mind, he has GOT to know that he can't have a wife and an affair partner for very long.

Oh, and although I LOVE the way you write about everything, you might want to edit every few days, just in case he ends his affair and wants to read your posts. That happens quite a bit.

Yeah I guess I should go edit that. Very good point.

Went over the PBL and added the I'm not your jailer thing and also mentioning the stuff Jayne said too.

Gonna double check my conditions today as well.

If there is anything I need to pass on to my mediators, tips and things, let me know as they are gearing up for next week.

Also I thought I read somewhere there is a good article that walkaway H should be handed if he comes home. I think it kinda lets him know what he's going to be going through or something like that. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? If so can I have the link?

I remember the post, but forget what it is called. Hopefully someone has it.

Plan B is very difficult, and he is likely to try to contact you for every little thing.

Mine came over to my home and knocked on the door for 2 hours, begging me to talk to him. Then I heard NOTHING for 4 months.

OMG your kidding.

Well when I cut him off for the 1st 5 months he never came over unless a visit was scheduled. I sure hope he does that again but I don't know.

So you didn't answer the door? Why did he knock for 2 hours? Did he want to come home?

Ok so when and IF H gets to the place when he wants to come home he needs to tell the mediator or can he just come home? How does that work?

Yeah I want that article to hand him if he comes home so he knows what he's in for.

Don't hand him any articles....don't try to educate him.

Let him wander around in the darkness. You are the lighthouse.

No, I didn't answer the door, and it was hard. He was still deep in the affair and didn't get the no contact idea. He finally gave up, and I didn't hear a word from him until 2 days before Christmas, when he called me at work and announced he was in the process of moving back home, still with the affair going on.

He constantly claimed he had no contact, but it never lasted longer than 12 hours.

You can worry about when to let him home later, but basically he needs to agree to no contact, writing a no contact letter, which you approve and send, and agreeing to be an open book and accounting for all of his time.