Fof2:

I'm in the Financial biz.

I worked with my OW. OW was parttime in my office. I tried to end the A when the part time work ended in April.

That was 4 years before it really ended.

I actually LEFT that place of employment to try to get away.

Didn't work.

When my BW found out about the A? That's when it ended.

So what if its a fantastic job.
So what if the family finances will be impacted.
So what if you might lose the family duplex rental.
So what if....WHAT HAPPENS?

She made these choices to do all the above.
She didn't tell you.
She didn't wake up one day and decide that she wanted to start an A with the HR guy.
It was a long slow slide into it.
But Determined, Concentrated ACTIONS will help end it.

Send your letter with PM adjustments. Tommorrow.

OF course the owner of the biz is concerned about his bottom line. YOU ARE TOO.

You cna decide that she isn't worth it. That's well within your rights too.

But you SHOULD put in the good fight first.

LG

I

Fof2,

Turtle just gave you some fantastic advice.

The order of doing things is very important. Write and send the exposure letter. Make sure all that count know of her affair.

She will be mad as heck. She will threaten. She may leave, but she won't leave her job will she? Let this percolate around for a week or so.

The issue is that for recovery to happen, she MUST have no contact. She isn't really committed to recovery. I think as do others here she will play at recovery, then some months later terminate the marriage saying "I tried, it really wasn't the affair I had, but just that good old Fof2 is just not my type of man."

YOu expose, you prepare for plan B, when recovery is mentioned you make darned sure that NC is part of it, and that means someone leaves that job. Do you see any room for negotiation at this point? I sure don't.

She is only negotiating her affair with you now, because you caught her. You were not part of the conversation where she discussed bringing another man into your marriage, your family and her life. My guess you were not invited to that conversation. No negotiation on her part. There can be none with regard to your boundaries.

I have forgotten the age of your children, but if they are teenagers you need to sit down and have an honest discussion with them. Their life is being torn apart and they may not know why. It is time you stood up and showed them what kind of man you are, and that is not the type who allows his W to take other men into her life and body.

Expose the affair to everyone.
Weather the storm of her anger.
IF she doesn't leave, she probably won't as she loves her job and she has already soiled her nest, then discussion of recovery will come. That will include NC period.

This stuff is simple Fof2, it is just not easy.

God Bless,

JL

JL, you are awesome!

Please listen to these people. They KNOW what they are talking about.

Fo2 I am far from an expert however, I have just gone through this very thing with my husband. You can read my thread under general questions II. I also went through the phase of hoping that if I just waited my husband would come to his senses.

My husband also said that he was willing to let ME try to save our marriage while he was continuing his affair. He also told the OW and me that the affair was not going to be the cause of the end of our marriage.

It was not until I started to make some moves that showed that I was preparing for a separation that his eyes were opened.

I split the bank accounts and made him change his direct deposits. He had to get his own checking account so that he would be able to handle his own money. I also made a chart detailing all of our expenses and what his half would be when he moved out.

It wasn't until the first payday when he had to actually write me a check for his half of the expenses, that he realized what the impact of his actions would be.

He has now been in no contact for 12 days. It is amazing how quickly they realize after no contact starts.

He said it was like being crushed by an avalanche of pebbles when he realized that he was getting ready to delete his whole life for the OW.

It all seems so obvious to us but their eyes are so clouded that they just can't see.

You need to take make an aggressive move to show that you are ready to be a father to your daughters even if she is not ready to be their mother.

I know at times it seems impossible to just get off of the couch but you have to stand up and start.

My husband told me just the other day that while this was all going on he thought I was an idiot to stay. Now he says that I must be the smartest woman on earth to see him so well.

Have confidence in your own value. Right now you are the only one that can help you.

Best of luck

I don't know if this thought would be welcome.
Here goes anyway...

I might park a car or trailer outside your wife's work premises with a huge sign that says:

I am fighting for my marriage!

A smaller sign would say:

The management of company X is allowing Mrs Fatheroftwo and Mr OM to work together while they are having an affair.

Do not support a company that supports infidelity!

While your WW boss' chatting may be mild deterrent - you really need to get the job done. By the way, don't threaten, just do.

Take a nice photo and prepare to send it to the local newspaper.
As a courtesy you may want to ask WW boss whether it is necessary for the media to get involved before that picture is sent.

Naturally your wife will be livid. She will threaten divorce, etc.

You know the response... right?