No correction needed......


not2fun

"Does anyone ever feel OP is to blame more than the WS?"

It's simple.

You are or want to recover you marriage you have to let go what your WS did. You never have to let go of your hate that you have for the OP.

Road,

This feeling is confusing to me. I can't see the point of continuing to hate the OP. It only hurts you. I doubt they care. Also if I were a cheating spouse I would always suspect that I was hated as well but my spouse was not telling me.

I am at the point now were I don't really care at all about xW or OP. I would not be friends with them but I'm not friends with anyone who has cheated on their spouse.

This is a policy I have always wholeheartedly agreed with.

NEVER ALLOW ANY CHEATERS OR FORMER CHEATERS INTO YOUR LIFE IN ANY WAY.

After my wife dropped her panties for the OM I never wanted to stay married so that may be why I differ from a lot of the responses.

I only hold my XWW responsible for what happened. Her friend had slept with the OM before and they talked about that quite a bit and then the OM got into her head and underwear.

He is a POS but I did not hold him responsible. There are plenty of men who will sleep with any woman. If a woman wants to sleep with another dude she can do that in about 5 minutes.

The reason I blame my XWW is because I took vows with her in a church. The OM did not promise to forsake all others my XWW did. She vowed in a church to never do that to me and the OM did not. That is why I blame her and only her since she decided to let him into our lives.

She chose to end our marriage in my eyes the 2nd she slept with him. I just could not ever be with a woman that slept with another guy while married to me. It is one boundary that I will never let anyone cross.

Maybe that is why others choose to focus on the OP. But like I said since I never took Vows with the OM I don't really blame him even though he is a POS.

I think this is only partly true. In my sitch, I had no idea the OW existed as a human being until D-day. In other words, a complete stranger waltzed into my life, took everything that was mine and destroyed the rest. I only know her as a liar, cheater, homewrecker and a completely indecent, immoral person. Of course, WstbxH is exactly the same to OWH, but to me, I have memories of him doing decent things. I have no such memories or knowledge of OW. So it's not so much that she is "more to blame" but that she has absolutely no redeaming features whatsovever to balance against the horrible things that she did.

It only hurts you if you dwell on it. For example, I have never had any lasting psychological issues stemming from my hatred of pickles. OW is just the same and about as important in my life as pickles are. And she probably cares about as much as the pickles do.

Eh. De nada.

I was puking with a smile on my face.

She got hers...and is STILL reaping what she sowed.

My sentiment exactly. Rather than put the blame on OP, it is more of the waywards fault b/c they took vows to us. Just b/c mine happens to be a woman, does not mean I give men a free pass to sleep around. It is disgusting either way. Do you have children IHE? I think you have 3?

.......





I love this....made me laugh....PICKLES.....

NOT2FUN

Hate is awfully strong word for feelings about pickles.

Is it a mild abhorrence, a seething resentment or outright repulsion?

I feel the POSOW is more to blame. I do recognize (and am disgusted by) my FWH's role in the EA. My rationale is this: POS skank is twice divorced, has three kids. She knew my H was married and had two children under 4. She KNEW how her behavior could destroy an entire family and participated anyway. Not only participated, but ENCOURAGED it - sending a mostly nude picture of herself even. I look at it too like women are supposed to be more in tune with how their behavior impacts others, as we're generally the more emotional sex.

Same with me, I never knew OM before this.

My only experiances have been him tounting me, tricking me into threatening physical violance with the police on the phone, texting me from my WW's phone pretending to be her and saying horrible things.

And making vauge threats to me when I see him, then running away like a pansy.

He is a foul, immoral, poorly tatood, barely employed, cronic liar, theif and womaniser who portrays himself as the victom in all this.

Hey HurtandShocked:

You got it on the kids. I just wanted to respond to you since I have not been on since last night. I hope my kids never have to go thru this in their marriage but I did think it was important to let them know it is ok to have high standards regarding fidelity.

They were mad at their mother for a long time but they still love her and things between them are a bit better now. I hope they never go thru this in their marriages but as we all know it happens.

Definitely outright repulsion. I don't even eat food that has touched a pickle. And there are no pickles in my house. (OW is also banned from my house and I wouldn't eat food that she touched either)

ITA. In fact it scares me to think they could very easily go through this. I hope I can lead them down a path that keeps them from going through this pain (preparing them for marriage and its trials with FILSIL and HNHN, the pitfalls of trusting too much, the trials have children add to a marrige, etc).

bump

For a reason?

Maybe

I thought it was a good read.

I blame them both equally but I hate OM and dont hate WW.
OM has done this before and is a "pro" at it. Found out from OMW one day that he even had a woman he was having an affair with call him while they were on their honeymoon. He cheated on her all the way through the M. So it's easy for me to look at him as a piece of [censored].