Well, I've been expecting this, but it still hurts to see my son in such pain.

His live-in girlfriend needed "space", blah, blah, blah, and moved out on the 1st. I'd mentioned that she could be having an affair. He asked her and she denied it. Plus she has been still coming over and they have been going out together and having fun.

Anyway, she spent the night last night, and this morning was in the shower, and he checked her cell phone. Yep, hundreds of calls and texts to an ex-boyfriend, which he read.

So now he is broken-hearted. He can't understand why she didn't just tell him. He knows I post on MB and did some reading here this AM. That seemed to help, and off he went to surf before school.

He felt bad about invading her privacy by checking the phone, and I explained that he had every right to see what was happening behind his back.

The weird thing is that he had a dream last night that someone broke into his house, beat him up, and abducted his girl. That is why he checked up on her.

I like the girl and we were good friends. But I'm thankful that all of this happened BEFORE they married and had a family.

Believer,

I am so sorry to hear that. I actually dread the idea of one of my kids going through this kind of pain. I wish there was a way to prevent it.

If he will, have him post. It may help him to feel better knowing that he's not alone. It's one thing to have his Mom tell him that, but it's another to have 50 people say the same thing.

And I totally agree...good thing to find out about it NOW.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Believer and Son}}}}}}}}}

We know the pain, I'm sorry he is hurting, but at least we know he can heal and you can support him during this time.

Remember, G-d doesn't have grandchildren.

Thanks, Michelle. I don't know if he will post or not. He has read His Needs, Her Needs, and The One, so he is much farther ahead than most 23 year olds.

In fact, one of the things that bothers him the most is that his fiance constantly told him what a good man he was and how she loved that they spent so much time doing fun things together, and he was her best friend. So he is at a loss about what went wrong.

Well you know what went wrong...she went wrong.

Lack of boundaries, entitlement, selfishness, dishonesty or some weakness she didn't protect.

He can't fix what he doesn't know is broke.

Thanks Queenie. We will get through this okay. It is just kind of disheartening. So many people going through betrayal.

And yes, Michelle, poor boundaries. And I really believe that she didn't want to hurt my son, but the deception was almost worse than the affair.

This hoovers on so many levels.

I'm so sorry for both of you!

((((((B))))))

Oh B, I am so sorry for you and your son. As a mother, I know it must be sooooo hard to watch your baby go through this. The bright spot is that he has YOU for a mom and knows where he can go for support......

Sending my love and prayers to you both.....

not2fun

I hope you advise him to not reconcile with her.

He is going to hope/want to.

She may even want to.

But it will be more lies.

She already is who she is.

So sorry, B.

Aw believer, I'm so sorry!

Your son is truly lucky though, if he has to go through this, to have you to help him through it. I'm glad he already knows about MB. I hope he decides to post here.

*hugs* and prayers for you both.

He is extremely fortunate to have a mum who understands his pain.

I hope that he will have learned to tap that wisdom after this experience.

Your son is blessed to have you.

I am so sorry. I imagine it almost hurts worse seeing your child go through this than yourself.

He has you and your the best thing he needs right now. You have so much to be able to offer him when he needs it. He's a very blessed guy.

My heart goes out to you and your son.

Oh Believer,
I am so sorry for your son, and for him to so knowing of the MB principles too.
Hugs to him, and to you.
It was not him, it was her, I hope he understands that.

I agree with Aphelion.

Before I was M'd, when my FWW-to-be and I were "pretty serious", she cheated on me. The only person I confided in was my mother (I knew how my dad would respond already - he would rant and rave that I should never see her again!). My mother listened and offered some support, but what she did NOT do was help me make a good objective judgment of the situation, one that would have led me to make the now-obvious choice of walking away before making any sort of permanent commitment to someone who could do something like what my FWW-to-be did.

Had she helped me to exercise good judgment back then, I might not have ended up here years later seeking solace because of my FWW's second and much worse A.

Thanks, everyone. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it.

It's strange because I can read here and not be triggered, but this was so close to home.

And I will talk to him about engagement being like a job interview, as Melody says. I'm glad for the advice about not taking her back. I was thinking more along the lines of how he could get her back. But of course, they weren't married, and she flunked the test.

I strongly disagree.

An engagement was traditionally a marriage that had not been consummated.

The prospective groom asks "Will you marry me?" The future bride replies: "Yes." A contract has been established.

This contract can be annulled before being consecrated before God in Holy matrimony. There may be lawful circumstances such as discovery of close genealogical relationship or "unequal yoking" preventing the marriage as a vow before God.

There is an unhealthy trend to use engagement as a means to justify fornication.

Scripture describes Joseph seeking to "divorce Mary quietly" upon learning that she was with child. This divorce would have been implemented before ceremony or consummation of the marriage had taken place.(Neak, won't you please confirm this...)

Yes, the future Mrs believer junior broke her word. If there were significant funds involved I imagine she could prospectively be charged with breech of promise.

IMHO your broken-hearted son dodged a bullet.

Hah, dads!

When I cried on my parents shoulders after finding out the second time my college gf cheated he said, “Any man who has a woman do this to him twice deserves a swift kick in the behind.”

I think now, though, he was right.

"There is an unhealthy trend to use engagement as a means to justify fornication."

Yes, Imagine. They are both Christians and I spoke to each of them and let them know my thoughts on living together before marriage, even though engaged. But neither one paid any attention.