I hope you weren't friends with her before the divorce.

How are you "a starter husband" if you aren't the FIRST husband?

Weirdness.

Lets get your dna test and work on YOU healing a bit, okay?

You need to get your footing and make a plan about how you want your life to be.

Okay?

DNA, and plan...
DNA, and plan...

We'll help as much as we can.

Report this guy.

Do you want that poor child raised by a criminal?


Then take care of yourself and your own healing.

I wonder if you can do that with something like amniocentesis or chorionic villi sampling.


I don't think you were a starter husband. He was someone else and you knew him. I think there's some history there you aren't telling us. Just to prepare you, you are fixing to be grilled about your relationship with her prior to her divorce from her real starter husband.


So, she is a cheat and a liar. I think you should run, not walk, from this woman. And, before you get serious with someone else, you may need to do some self-discovery.

Only if there is a reason to do so (like, something in the genetic background).

Most docs will not do amnio without a reason...and no court would ORDER such an invasive procedure.

Bingo.

Subterfuge,
First off, you have avoided the half dozen posters who have said to expose this adultery up the chain of command. Are you going to expose this or not? This OM does not deserve to serve and you would be wise to expose this to end his career. He has gotten YOUR wife pregnant and you are doing nothing about it.

Secondly, try and set your emotions aside for a second to think objectively about this. If you listened to a buddy of yours describe his wife the way you have described yours, what would your advice be? If you are honest with yourself, I think that answer would be, get out while you can. By staying with her to try and work this out, you are sentencing yourself to a lifetime of misery, as your wife repeatedly cheats on you during hot and cold streaks, while you stay at home to raise another man's child.

You may think you love her, but this is not a healthy love. Its more like codependency. She is not whole, and you can't fix her. Please, just think about it.

At the very least, expose this with all your evidence to OM's superiors.

Subterfuge.....your tax dollars are paying the salary of the man who impregnated your wife and bragged about it. This is a violation of law and policy. Your failure to report him shows disrespect for those laws and policies and, in effect, condones his choices. When you mess with another man's wife, you should be prepared to endure the consequences.

Put on your big boy pants& combat boots and get the job done!

He is not going to go to prison!!! He is going to get kicked out of the military!!! He can go work at Burger King!!! I don't know how young you are or experienced in Martial Law. But he will be ordered to keep away from her. If he violates that then he will be disobeying a direct order then he will be in more severe trouble but they won't send him to Prison. They will remove him and them dishonorably discharge him. Try getting a good job after that when a job does a background check on him!!!

These procedures increase the risk of fetal demise, which is why they aren't done without an urgent reason. Sub will just need to wait till the poor little thing is born.

Well, it was a thought.

I wrote so much more information but the computer shutoff. Grrr.

I didn't know the guy she divorced. I saw him try to get a job at the place we worked and then immediately fired afterwards. As soon as I saw her husband I knew she was off limits. One day she gave me her email. I told my brother this, but he told me that I should show that I can hang out with women without doing anything.
I emailed her just being a friend and then she gave me her phone number. I didn't want to call her, but my brother once again pushed me into doing it (I had a strong feeling not to). I forget the conversation but one day we talked after work. I said I just wanted to be her friend, but then she gave me my first kiss. My first reaction was to get out of the car and walk away saying it was wrong. She started crying to me saying, "Why are you leaving me?" Don't leave me alone." I walked back and said that I need to show her some scriptures about not getting serious with someone that was divorced and for that matter divorcing. She told me that her husband married her illegally and already had a family, emotionally abused her, stabbed, and beat her with a baseball bat telling her not to tell her parents. He also cheated on her and got another girl pregnant. She showed me the cut scars all up and down her shoulder and later I saw them on the outside of her thighs. I still said that I couldn't I marry her. See cried and said, "Why would God let me marry someone that was abusive and not let me marry the right person?"
I tried to get away from her many times, running out of her house, quitting my job, and signing up for the military. Each time she told me to come back and cried to the point of hyperventilating saying she might commit suicide. I was not used to this, I never saw a woman cry like that, and I didn't want to leave her in that state of mind. I tried to comfort her, but each time she kept trying to get more serious than I wanted. Finally she said she was pregnant with my child (fooling around?) and that she already had setup an annulment. I felt right then and there I was forced to marry her so I bought an engagement ring. She wanted to go camping with me before I was shipped out to basic training. I took her to the park but while we were driving she said, "I'm pregnant with your child we should just have sex." I told her I wanted to save it for marriage but she kept talking about it. I said, "I am supposed to be the acceleration, you are supposed to be the brakes, use them." Later that night we made love, we did it again a couple of times. I said, "You know this is not what I wanted to do, lets wait until marriage before we do it again."
The day before I left basic training she tried to do it again in the car or in the hotel. I managed to resist thankfully because I was sworn in afterwards. She wrote me a letter every single day of basic training and then tried to make love with me again on the 36 hour pass. I resisted again. When I came back on leave we married. It was only later on that I figured out there was a difference between filing for divorce and being divorced. She was not even divorced when we went camping. So I majorly screwed up. She used this as justification for doing what she did with the OP. I am so glad I resisted all those other times after I signed up because she STILL wasn't officially divorced. She also was not pregnant or maybe had a miscarriage. Just makes me think that she would of canned me or used it for blackmail if I did give in all those times she tried to get me to do something. The entire process from friend to marriage I had this terrible feeling that I needed to get away from her. I felt like I was forced into everything. Then when we married I dedicated everything I could to keep her happy.

My fears of being with a woman; the reason why I didn't marry until 24 (until someone came after me hard), all came true. I was happy being a single virgin, just running off in the woods at night at random times, being a adrenaline junky, and enjoying nature to it's fullest. Why did she have to interrupt my good life to show me what it was like to lose someone you loved deeply? I had to stop everything I enjoyed to keep her happy, only for it not to work. I had no experience with women at all, I didn't know that they were there to show the meaning of life. It's not happiness because then the world wouldn't be so messed up, it is love, love coming from within and within the relationship not expecting it to come from anywhere else.

I tried my hardest to get away from her, and then I tried my hardest to keep her because of the vows I made when we married. To love her until my heart stopped beating. I am doomed to never fulfill a single vow I make to God. I am paying for the consequences of my own actions, but I get to see everything first hand right in front of me.

We had great times, but equally bad ones. There were some situations where it would of been a great time if she didn't have such a bad attitude.

There's more I can say but I goto do other things.

Subterfuge, it sounds like you've been manipulated by a master crazymaker. God is not going to fault you for that.

Get out, quickly, quietly* and as fast as you can.

* - of course you must expose the OM's activities anyway. Stop finding excuses to not do it and just do it already.

She wasn't pregnant. This was a lie, probably one of many.

Please divorce this woman, she is poison to your soul.

I hope you've learned a huge lesson from this. Don't get involved with a married woman, no matter what they say their status is, it's still adultery.

You are so young. Spend a few years learning a little more about life before you jump into another relationship.


This is not true. God is a God of mercy and grace. He WILL forgive you. You still have a chance for a happy life with a wonderful woman who believes the way you do.

Are you out there, Subterfuge?

Yeah I figured out after looking at a few books on Borderline Personality Disorder that the OP had one of the books. I saw it lying around in the basement where I work and started reading it. I remember thinking, "Hey this sounds alot like my wife." Then the book was ripped away by the OP. I asked, "Who do you know has Borderline Personality Disorder?" In which he replied, "None of your da!@ business."
He knew about the disorder and exploited it. This is what my WW meant when she said he was helping her.

Subterfuge,
Thats a nice journal entry but what are you DOING about all of this? Have you exposed the affair to your chain of command yet?

I am not sure what to make of this!!!

Like I said before I don't know if I want to prosecute him fully for what he did because of the child not having a father when it is born. What's more a child that has to endure somebody with borderline personality disorder. I already have exposed it all the way up the chain of command and they are all ticked off. They saw us at the ball doing well, connected by the hip and then switched around when this idiot OP stepped in. I don't know if I'll discuss fully what I am going to do online just to keep the information secret. All I can say is I have gathered some evidence and it is in the right hands.