Not really, because even though the WW in the present situation did consent to the photos, she did not give her consent for them to be published. There was an expectation of privacy ( ). Any first-year law student could win that argument.

I doubt he knows where he has been accepted at this point. I believe it is well after christmas before you get notice (march maybe?)...

Well that's subject to interpretation but I think it would be a lost cause, expensive and draining to pursue. Not saying it couldn't happen but it would be an uphill battle and I don't think most people would feel too sympathic especially if you got Meredith on the stand.

so, by your own words here..your need for revenge is impoant enough that you would be willing to harm your wife and kids to see it happen.

:crosseyedcrazy:

MG:

Sorry about the news. You hinted about photos being taken in your first post here. Maybe at that time someone should have suggested that during exposure, that you slap a restraining order on RRB to prevent distribution in the future.

But they could have already been out of the bag by that point.

RRB to teammates: "check out this pic!"

A week later, your WW is fired and "everyone wants to know what's going on.... Teammate: "Well, she was doing RRB, and the administration found out, and check this out...."

And then it was EVERYWHERE.

But this will pass. What's another naked woman on the internet? Unless they were glossies taken with a good camera, MOST cell phone pictures die a quick death on the internet. And there is a game this weekend and nobody will care about RRB and your WW anymore.

Except YOU, MG71

And that's why I am replying to JL's Post. Because most of the rest have been promoting blowing up RRB even more, or that RRB is a scumbag, (proven, once again).

This line says it all:


Most of these "payments" are for her actions. And she IS paying. Now, what should MG71 do to help her out?

She DID call you first to help her when she found out. That's a huge plus.
Ask her again, WHAT ELSE? Because recovery is impossible with more and more damaging info coming out. Point out that you two are NOW in this TOGETHER. As embarrassing as it to her NOW, imagine what it would be like with new things dribbling out again and again.... Lets FIGHT this TOGETHER.
And just be available to listen to her.

You have stated that things have been going well. What else has been going on? How has the relationship been?

LG

There are so many ways to send an annonymous email with ZERO chance of getting caught.

I just don't think revenge is worth harming the family further.

good post

I would even add that she may have called MG to save her from her personal hell.

Something to think about -

Forget about RRB - fix your family and move if its necessary.

MEDC, I respectfully disagree.

A man who would sleep with someone for whom he knows it is a career-threatening ethical violation, and then distribute her intimate photos, is not fit to be a doctor. Because he has already demonstrated that he does not respect even the minimal ethical standards we have in our society regarding "off-limits" sexual partners.

He has already set the stage to sleep with co-workers and patients when the opportunity arises (and it will.)

Neither do I.

Like LG said whose going to care about another naked photo on floating around in the long term. It might cause some hehe haha for a bit but it will blow over. It's an embarrassing situation but in the scheme of things losing the M would be the biggest loss and there were already feelings of embarrasment by the fact that people knew of the A...people whose opinion one actually cares about not strangers off the street.

I think you have been handed a really crappy hand and for that my deepest sorry to you. You are being given great advice especially by several people here who are experienced in all this.

Someone said...your wife has suffered enough....not to say that she doesn't deserve what has come to her. The choices she made have created a terrible situation, not only for her but for you, her family, her children, etc.....people don't stop and think before the act at how many innocent people are affected by infidelity. She does however deserve a chance to make things right. My father ofen said...its not the mistake that people will remember as much as what you did afterwards....that people will remember. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with it.

I know you think you cannot handle one more terrible thing but from my experience it may take months for the entire truth to come out. Often times the WS feels like they can't tell one more terrible thing. If you want to make your marriage work, hang in there.

I would recommend exposing to the medical school that RRB has applied to. Although she was in a position of authority, he knew full well what he was doing too.

Thanks to everyone for your help. Here is the latest plan. Let me know what you think. My in-laws are taking the kids for a previously planned weekend trip, so we have some time this weekend to deal with this latest nightmare.

I had to leave to come into work to take care of a few items for some weekend activities here at the club. When I left, I told her that she had one last chance to tell me EVERYTHING about the affair and to answer ALL of my questions. I let her know that if I suspected that she was lying about anything that I would schedule a polygraph test that she could either agree to it or pack up and leave. I left her with a list of about 20 questions and told her to be prepared to answer every one of them when I get back home. I know that there are things she may honestly overlook, but I need a huge dose of honesty from her to go on at this point.

If I believe that she is telling me the truth, I will do my best to deal with them without constantly holding them over her head or obsessively talking about them. I have purposely listed the questions in a way where related questions are randomly placed to make it easy for her to get tripped up if she tries to lie.

As far as RRB, he is in a whole lot of [censored]. He sent the pictures to a few of his friends way before the affair was exposed. But, after the ruckus this created when it was exposed, those friends forwarded them to a few more friends and they quickly worked their way around the campus. RRB has been suspended from school. I talked to his father and as I understand it, he will still graduate at the end of the semester, but he will miss finals so he will end up with 3 C’s in the classes he’s taking this semester and he will not be allowed to walk at graduation. Those grades will likely keep him out of medical school for now. They have also placed a note on his permanent transcript that denotes a disciplinary suspension. His father was very apologetic. I guess he’s trying to avoid any possibility of a future lawsuit.

Surprisingly, I’m not all that angry with RRB. Most of my anger is focused toward my WW. She is the one who broke her vows to me. She is the one who was stupid enough to allow some college kid to take compromising pictures of her. As for him, he is just a typical spoiled college kid that did something that was grossly stupid and immature. But, I’m sure that most of us did things in college that we aren’t proud of. Don’t get me wrong, I would still like to take my driver and hit a power fade with his balls, but my WW is an adult who should have known better.

Moving is definitely a possibility, but I’m not going to do anything until I see if we’re going to get through this. I have an opportunity to take a great job at a new golf resort in Florida, but it would require us to leave our families who both live near us now. If our marriage survives, I would gladly move there to leave this behind us, but if the marriage looks like it’s not going to make it, I would rather stay nearby where I have family for support. I’ll guess we’ll see after I get home today.

Good luck MG.

Again, if you haven't already, don't look at the pictures. You don't need that burned into your head. Also, it will deepen your wife's shame tremendously.

Trust me, I was in a similar sitch.

I totally agree with you there. At any rate, the best thing to do is to get the advice of an attorney.

There was a thread that was talking about this yesterday. I feel the same way towards my WW...

Well that's good and RRB has to know that his family thinks he's dirt at this point which can warm your heart some.


When I saw my H's world imploding of course he was freaking out, but mainly my thought was...I hope it was worth it. **shrug** If all this A drama doesn't teach your W a lesson then I don't know what will.

Enjoy your weekend if you can.

ETA: Okay I'll 2x4 myself for that last comment. :twobyfour: Forgot you have an upcoming weekend of Truth and Truth. Given the current climate you are in a good position to demand all truth NOW. Good luck.

Mgolfer,

I've been following your thread from the beginning. I admire very much how you have been handling this horrible time in your life.

I am a FWW and I am not defending your WW's actions, but I empathize with how humiliated and lonely she must be feeling about this whole pictures mess. There is a lot of talk here about how your WW deserves this public consequence because of her lies and betrayal -- a public flogging in essence. But if I may...

The affair is about you, her, the marriage, the OM, your families, etc. The photos, however, are about only her. Strangers looking at them are not thinking about you. They are not judging the OM. They see only her. They are laughing only at her. They are critiquing only her. Her face and her identity are known. She has no control over where they are going, how they are being captioned, how they are being PhotoShopped... And the images are forever. She is probably feeling utterly alone -- her against the world. Please try to really listen to what Just Learning said, a part of it again here: The affair is the ultimate violation to you and your M. The photos -- as much as they make you sick -- and how they are being used violate your W and her body. She took them willingly and was not forced to do that. But based on her reaction, you know she would not have taken those if she thought anyone other than the OM was going to see them. (Yes, she shouldn't have taken them for him either. I agree.)
Please do NOT do this. I believe strongly that Meredith and RRB's father should know what he did, but don't supply them with the images. How does showing graphic photos of YOUR wife help them? How is that any consequence to RRB? And if you give Meredith the photos and she is vengeful, who knows how they might be used against your WW? Tell them what happened and if they desperately want to see pictures, they can ask Rah Rah Boy to produce and explain them.

Back to my point... If you're like most husbands, you want to protect your W, so along with the anger you have, you may also be feeling very helpless regarding these images. You have to remember that she is too. And along with anger and helplessness she is feeling shame, humiliation, guilt, disgust, worthlessness, idiocy, disgrace.... It is your W in the pics so you are definitely affected. But when someone sees them they don't see you nor the scumbag OM. Only her. If there is anyway that you can at least help her get out of the fetal position and into an upright position, she needs someone now. If you can at all do so, let her know you are on her side.

Good luck to you.

MG,

My heart goes out to you brother!! And I totally agree with IAM

DO NOT LOOK AT THE PICTURES!!

Talk about movies in your head, my gosh, I can't imagine.

Moving sounds good, but can you be a pro at another course? Is it that easy to do? Getting far away from it would be the best in the short run.

Yeah, it will blow over in time, and once all the young boys move on to the grown up world after graduating, the threat of meeting someone that has seen the pictures should be nil.

Plus, there is no university contact anymore is there? The town you are in is pretty big or all university?

How much more humiliating can this be for your wife. Now more than ever you must be her safe harbor and shelter from the storm.

And I bet your wife will NEVER EVER even THINK about straying again!!

Just don't look at the pictures.

Stay strong. This to will pass.

kirk

PS; I can't believe that Meredith is still the fiance. She must have told RRB to hit the road.

Mgolfer,

It is good to hear that RRB has been bounced out of school and will take a hit on his grades. I would expect the he/his father will destroy all files containing pictures of your W. Tell him that is your strong desire.

I would still counsel you to consult a lawyer. You need information even if your current course of action is to take no action with regard to RRB. Knowledge is power.

As for you moving to Fla. If it is a good resort course I am sure your families would be happy to visit. I do think your logic about making this decision is very very valid.

Someone mentioned this but let me reinforce it. Occasionally search/Google your W's name and see what pops up. Anyone with a picture of her on their site without written permission is in trouble, but MORE IMPORTANTLY employers do these sorts of searches and you don't want them finding her picture associated with her name when she is applying for a job.

This is something you really need to address because while your children are young, they will someday be on the internet as will her future employers.

I like your approach and take on this. Give it time, gain perspective, and "This Too Shall Pass."

God Bless,

JL

MG71:

Excellent post.

I think you should rename yourself Tiger.

Because you have got the nerves of steel that he is known for.

RRB was, as even you stated, just a frat boy. Going to med school, life is good, and the future is so bright, I gotta wear shades.

The A was one thing. That blew up everything. The pictures, are just another piece of the puzzle.

Of course your WW didn't expect her RRB to do anything but savor them himself. They were sent by him before your WW even got out of his driveway. It was all for FUUNN!

Looking4 had some very excellent advice about where your WW's head is at right now.

The A WAS a violation of her vows with you. She didn't realize how ugly it could get after dday. Very few waywards have any idea of the repercussions of thier actions while they are in the middle of it. But then, after dday, then it starts to roll downhill on them.......

Runningboy65 WW is going to have OM's baby. He gets to look at that every day to be reminded of what his WW did. It's possible, without diligent searching on your part, that you will never see those pictures that RRB took of your WW. (You may have seen them already, and if so, delete them, they serve no purpose now) Some, who were active at the school, and in related circles, may know of the pictures, and you might get some snickers, if you walk across the campus, or meet with people who might know. But you may or may not ever step on the campus again. If your graduated from there, then the reunions are going to be tough, if you decide to go to one, but otherwise, those that KNOW, like your immediate friends, family and others, will guage your reaction to this to determine thier reaction.

And I still think your Tiger. And THAT will go along way to reclaiming what was taken from you.

LG

Mgolfer,

My DH is a doctor and I asked him if there would be any ramifications to RRB for sharing the pics. He told me the med school could deny him even though he is already accepted and added even if he does complete medical school he will, most likely, have a difficult time getting into a residency due to "lack of moral character."

He suggested, like JL did, for you to contact an attorney. He also said if RRB's dad is a doctor he is definitely aware this could happen to his son.

LC