Trying,

I rarely get on MB on the weekends, especially at night. I'm so glad I did tonight because I read your post. You did great with the Plan B letter. Remember we told you that you would KNOW when it was time. You did the right thing. It's hard but it's for the best.

Now, time to be even stronger. Plan B is tough but you will find some relief from the pressure of Plan A. You've got a bunch of people behind you-- us. Think of the commerical about the Verizon network crowd following the guy around wherever he goes. That's us.

Try and get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day. Stay busy, it'll help keep your mind semi-off things.

Keep posting. That's what we're here for.

for you.

Hey T2L;

I have never posted to you. I have been following you since your first posting. I was crying when when you wrote about the PBL. Just wanted to let you know that just like me....there are probably dozens of people that are not posting to you but that are reading your thread. More than likely these dozens of people are praying for you now more than ever. I found this on a web site and wanted to share it with you. This is a letter from your Lord to you;
"I am your Shield of Protection. Many times you wonder where I am in the midst of the battle that rages around you. You feel abandoned on the battlefield. Don’t be afraid and don’t lose faith. I am here, and I am always victorious. I will protect you, but you must trust Me. Sometimes I will lead you to shelter for safety and restoration. Other times I will ask you to join Me on the front lines in the heat of the battle. I can kill any giant that threatens your life, but, as David the shepherd boy did, you need to march forward, pick up the stones, and face your enemy. I love to prove My strength when the odds against Me are the greatest and hope is the smallest. I am truly your Shelter and your Deliverer, and I will protect you no matter where you are."

Love, your King and your Protector

I hope this helps a little.
((((((T2L))))))

Angie.

BE ASSURED that one week's difference is not going to make or break your Plan A. You did totally awesome, right to the finish. It's in God's hands now, and you can trust Him.

Once you make it into the end zone, it doesn't matter if you're 2 inches across the line and flat on your face in the grass, or if you run all the way through. You still get your 7 points, right? Well, you scored your touchdown tonight.

Have comfort knowing that you've done all you can do. I can't think of any way for that last exchange to have gone better.

T2L,

If you felt in your gut the time was right for the Plan B letter then I'm sure it absolutely was. Your instincts have served you amazingly well ever since you learned and understood the plans.

Go ahead and cry, and grieve, and hurt. You have to get it out of your system somehow. I bet some of the tears are anger, too, that he's such a bonehead and putting all of you through this mess.

Remember that you're grieving for the H you hope he can be, and the H you want him to be - NOT the H he is right now. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

When you get done with the initial tears, go back to your list of things you wanted to do while in Plan B. Paint your bedroom and start doing other things on your list. Go to Salsa class even if you feel depressed - especially if you feel depressed. Activity is a very good antidote for depression.

Post here whenever you need an ear. We're only cyber, but we'll do what we can.

<<<<T2L>>>>

T2L

Hun, I am so proud of you, you took to the plans so well and you have done the most amazing plan A I have ever seen. You, and only you, can decide when you NEED to go plan B, you have obviously reached that point. I remember how hard it is to do it (I did it twice). Be assured you are in my prayers.

I only have 2 scriptures for you "...T2L can do all things thru Christ who strengthens her.....all things work together for T2L who loves the Lord..."

You are a wonderful person, a good mum, an amazing wife, and while I have complete faith cake eater will come home sooner rather than later, know that no matter what you are worthy of being loved and cherished by your H, whther it is CE or another.

And please please please tell me you remembered to edit out the Toad part.

LOL to Neak!

You did perfect!!! You knew exactly the right time to go to Plan B. You did that every bit as perfect as your Plan A has been. Because of the way it came about, IMHO it was completely reasonable and natural, not a setup or anything at *all*. You didn't stay in Plan A a minute longer than you wanted, or a minute less either. It was perfect.

You rock!!!

Concur w/Jayne.
All that prep work and planning really paid off. You were ready for Plan B at the drop of a hat and when the time was right, it was right.

I don't see how this could be seen as contrived or premeditated at all. You have just been planning for the inevitable.

How are you holding up?
How are the kids?

I don't believe I have posted to you before either, but it looks as though you did a stellar job.

Please, please don't break the Plan B. I did two or three half-assed Plan B's and I'm now about D'd. If I had stayed dark after I did the first one I may have had a chance, but I kept taking his calls and letting him back in with basically no conditions except a "promise" to write a NC letter, a "promise" to be honest, a "promise" to do MB stuff, and well, you get my drift. I kept forgetting that waywards are.....LIARS.

Finally after the umteenth Dday and lie, I blew. Wrote an email and left a vm doing some LB's. I didn't call him names or anything like that, but basically said I wanted the LSA and that he should communicate only through his atty. He looked at it as a threat, turned the tables on me and became very hostile - he basically Plan B'd me from that point on. Oh, I worked with Jennifer and wrote a couple of emails apologizing and pleading to a new way forward, but he finally had the excuse he needed to go be with OP.

So, stick to the terms of the PBL, stay dark, and do not even consider taking him back until he meets ALL conditions. If you do it right, you can recover.

Good luck....

Morning ya'll. Tried to sleep but didn't go so well. Got some rest. Still pretty sad, but I'm gonna go to church in a bit. Have huge support there, it always refreshes me.

Thanks so much to everyone for all you love and support. IT helps it really does.

Yes I removed the Toad from the PBL, although she is one! LOL Ya know it made it so much harder when I handed it to him. He knew, he said do I need to go away? I wanted to die right there. He already looked sad.

Chai,
I am planning to keep my Plan B just as strong as Plan A. That's kinda one good thing about me I try to be consistent. HE's not going to see me. I am now a ghost LOL.

K guys 1 thing. Last night about a couple hours after he left I was balling on my bed and I got a text, thought it was DD17 but it was H. HE sent me this " " My phone has no way to block his texts but trust me guys I'm not responding. If I can look at a hickie while SF is taking place and not flinch the text thing is nothing. I just looked at the text and said to myself leave her. I mean he left me after 23 years, it can't be that hard after only knowing her 1 year. Not my problem.

Guess he read PBL. I did not respond and will not. He thinks my email is shut off cuz I put that in the PBL so I know he won't try to reach me that way. I already told DS10. I said son, remember how I told you I couldn't do this forever since I am sharing your dad and it hurts. DS10 says yes. I said i can't talk to him til he makes a decision to leave Toad. To my surprise he says "good!"

Both the kids are fine. DD17 says mom were gonna be fine and hes gonna lose out if he doesn't get it together. I told DS10 that he'll still see his dad so he seems fine. I mentioned to him I cannot see dad at all so I may miss a game.

So guys, after reading Chai's post, IF he comes home can I say I'm sorry but you cannot come home until the letter is written and put into my hands and you agree to the conditions?

Ok 1 day down. My darn eyes are swollen, lovely Let's hope I can keep it together this morning.....I'll check back in later this after noon.

P.S. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEE YOU GUYS! You all simply Mah-velous!

You may need to shut down your texting temporarily. His text to you was a combination of reassurance-seeking and disrespect. Perfectly normal so don't worry, but just know it for what it is.

If you get another one I would definitely recommend shutting down. Even get a new # if you have to. It doesn't bother you too much yet because you have too many other wounds, but very soon even that tiny bit of C attempt will be like being stabbed in a half-healed wound. (As I used to say to myself, "When I'm holding my intestines in my hands, I don't really notice the mosquito bite." Catchy, huh? )

Keep on praising God - you did your job so well.

Get rid of your texting. No contact, stay dark. Every time you have any kind of contact with him, even reading a text, you are helping the OW.

And I think your timing was perfect. Being that you were upset, you did just fine.

Now get busy with self-care and things you like to do. You are not allowed to focus on him.

Ok It's gonna be hard for me to get rid of texting. Told him in PBL that my email is shut off, its not really but I shut it off after discovery and started a new one so I think he thinks its shut off.

I have tons of stuff church wise, musicians, worship team, also my DD17 that communicates with me via text as everyone is so busy.

When we had the 1st 5 months of of no contact H never texted me and I never texted him. We just stopped talking. I don't think he is going to text anymore truthfully, but I have set in my mind to not respond if he does. Financially I cannot afford to get another phone at least not yet.

I plan to stay fully dark. When he texted I did not respond as I knew it would be crucial to the Plan and so he would believe that I was serious about what I had said in the letter. I know if I had answered he would think I'm a liar and it would jeopardize the purpose of Plan B. I'd rather die than for him to think I'm not serious about not contacting me. No way Jose! I'm staying dark. Plus everyone that didn't stay dark(what I've been told and what I've read)have huge regrets for flip flopping and not staying dark. Not gonna be me, I'll take their advice-I am now a ghost.

Ok so no thinking on him...OMG....Gimme a day or so. Still hurting. I know I'll be feeling much more cheerful in a day or so.

Need to go take a little nap since I don't think I slept at all last night....Tired....mentally and physically.

Can you ID the texts before you read them? Because even hearing from him is not good.

When he really wants to get your attention, he'll start zapping the bank account. I don't recall, did you get that part taken care of? I sure hope so!!

Hang in there, T!! It gets a lot easier to handle in two or three weeks, assuming he doesn't fold by then.

Charlotte

Thinking of you T2L. You are my Plan A calendar girl and I really wish you all the very best in this next phase. You have proved how amazing you are and your strength is inspirational.

Take care of yourself!

Footprints
Also Known As "I Had a Dream"

One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

I just researched my phone and i think it does have a text notification thing so I'm gonna see if I can program it.

So far today went to church took a nice nap and am feeling better. No crying today. I think it helped since I had cut him off before for 5 months before I found this. Sounds kinda weird but I have been here before and I know what its like to not have contact with him.

Just a bit harder as he was not the nut I was used to then, but the no contact feels familiar.

Think I'll paint my toes tonight and maybe organize some more.

I am posting my revised conditions again for you guys to go over. I cut them back since the consensus was it was too much. Calling all mentors let me know what ya think......

My conditions for recovery:
Every possible precaution must be taken to erase her from our lives and make contact with her so difficult that you would have to make great efforts and great deception to even make it possible.


1ST Condition
No contact with Toad forever, period. No loopholes. Write a letter to Toad explaining you will not ever communicate with her again and your intentions of marriage recovery and give it to me when you are done so I may ensure it's mailing.

To ensure No contact:
Change Cell phone number, close down all secret emails and use the family email account, access to your lap top and trade phones at anytime, remove all her and/or her friends phone #'s from your cell phones and cut all ties. Tell me immediately if there is ever contact of any kind.


2ND Condition
Read Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley and abide by the principals in the book to recover or marriage. Schedule Phone Counseling session with Harley's immediately.


3RD Condition
Living at home full time no sleeping anywhere else unless me and/or the children go no matter how far away you work. Remove your name from apartment lease and showing proof of it.


4TH Condition
Since she previously worked at your employer and everyone there knows, I would like the both of us to go into employer and explain our plans for recovery ask them to never again schedule you in Orange county and give you a new email address and cell phone #. Have the office or manager intercept all calls for your old email and cell phone.

5TH Condition
Close down personal bank account and use family bank account. All deposits will be made into joint bank account. I will pick up all checks and no finances in any form will be given to the toad.

6TH Condition
Accountability for time forever. This means phone calls and accessibility to you at any time. Calling when late etc. Do whatever necessary to establish trust.

Toes, or toenails?

Nitpicker! I think painted toes sound, um, interesting...like something the Dervish would do, and probably already has.:RollieEyes: