You have to fill the void by yourself and with yourself to become a whole human being. This will ultimately make you better prepared to face a true partnership and will add to your value. Most people attempt to fill the void with someone else, thus the void always exists in form form or another and makes you codependent.

Maybe I can find something. Something to get her off my mind. It`s almost like I`m consumed with thoughts of "what If" and "maybe I should have" with her. It`s really overwhelming and to the point of loosing sleep. I almost feel like the lost guy in the desert, I don`t know how I got here and can`t find the way out.

Well, we just told you how, didn't we? You're on the internet right now, aren't you? Scoot on over to yahoo and start searching! You can also go to your local Chamber of Commerce, who should have tons of information of goings on around you.

I have checked and this is a very rural area. Not much going on around here, especially this time of year. I have been thinking about what has been suggested. I could start by getting back into working out. I used to do that several evenings a week. And maybe spending more time with my grandkids. I guess that would be a start until I can stumble upon some other things. I still have conversation almost daily. Not sure what that is all about though.

"I still have conversation almost daily. Not sure what that is all about though."

This woman is an attention hog. She likes a lot of male attention. She calls you to get this attention from you as she is also getting it from other men.

When trying to break up with a person who is bad for you, it is like breaking an addiction such as an addiction to alcohol. If you are an alcoholic, having one drink a day will keep your addiction going full speed. These conversations with her are like that "one drink". They keep you addicted. Totally.

I can tell you from personal experiance that as long as you continue talking to her you will not be able to break the unhealthy addiction to her.

If you want that addiction to be broken you have to quit talking to her.

I think booka means that any this woman is a disaster, a relationship with her is a disaster.

REDFLAGS ARE ALL OVER THIS STORY!!!

I think you need to tell her to commit to you or take a hike and don't bother you again. Sort of like what Jesus said, and I paraphrase, "You are either with me or against me - no one can serve two masters". She needs to get in or get out.

And you need to realize that you don't have to take someone's leftovers.

Surely you can find a church or school or social program that needs you. Schools sometimes have clean up days on weekends. Mentoring programs. Having conversations with residents of senior/nursing facilities.

What better thing to do than be involved in your grand children's lives. My children's grandparents have never gone to their games, seldom gone to their programs. The children are in their teens and love their grandparents. But, the grandparents haven't ever done much with them that wasn't at the grandparents house.

You are right. She does love male attention. Was like that ever since I knew her. And you are also right. She is like an addiction to me. As soon as I see her or hear her voice I want to get back with her. What I need to do is remember why I asked her to leave. That is what kept me from missing her the first few months after we broke up. Then we she started to contact me, it`s like I got hooked again. I guess I know what I need to do. There is plenty of blame to go around on what went wrong between the two of us , yet she only remembers what I did wrong.

Cripes, man, you're just not getting the message. Let me put it to you this way, people tend to eventually demonstrate the general tendencies. Once you've seen them, they're there to stay, they do not go away for good and they cannot be suppressed for long when maintaining an act. She will continue to trifle with other men, cuckolding you time after time. Why you want want to hang around for that level of torture is not something I can understand. I always say that we are naturally attracted to those who are the worst for us, and until we can understand our attractions and work on them, we will continue to operate under Einstein's theory of insanity, repeating the same things and expecting different results. I want you to reread that last sentence and objectively think about it for an hour. Think of nothing else. Evaluate your history of attraction and identify the patterns. I personally don't feel that you're ready to have a relationship with a woman, you seem quite needy, but you don't have to listen to me about it.

I do understand what you`re saying. Repeating the same thing expecting different results is insanity. Sometimes it`s hard to see that when you`re all caught up in it. Pretty much can`t see the forest for the tree in front of you. I get it. I wouldn`t say I`m needy, I just fell in love with a woman that`s not good for me. And when you fall in love, you don`t look at things objectivly until something or someone hits you in the head!

Do you have a globe in the house?

How 'bout a lenth of rebar and a hammer?

If so, take the globe and hammer the rebar through it where you live.

Hammer it all the way through the globe and out the other side.

2rn the globe around and see where the rebar is protruding.

Find the nearest landmass 2 that location and move there.

Make sure you change your name and get a nose job so she can't ever find you again.

-ol' 2long

Thats almost funny. Things happen when you are in love and sometimes ittakes a lot to make you realize you`re in a wrong relationship. I could do without the idiotic sarcasam.

I'm sure you could, but people have been talking and talking and talking, and all you can say is "I love her." People love for many reasons, many of them wrong and resorting to FOO issues. My brother kept dating the 'same' woman for 20 years and kept getting the same result. FINALLY he met a woman completely different from all the bimbos he kept picking for boosting his ego, and this woman put him in his place, wouldn't take his crap, but still loved him! She saved his life - literally.

What you need at this point is to ask yourself, 'Why do I pick toxic women? What do I need to do to fix MYSELF?"

Sounds like a great time for therapy. You kind of remind me of the women who keep going back to the men who abuse them, because those men simply reinforce what the women believe - they deserve to be mistreated. Why do you deserve to be mistreated?

Are you not just as worthy as any other person on this planet? (Answer: YES!)

Wow, How did I get to be the bad person here? Maybe I can explain a few things. Maybe I have been unclear. I don`t have a habit of picking Toxic women. This is the first long relationship since my divorce. Next.. I do realize the faults of this woman. It`s not like I don`t. when I said I love her, I was trying to explain me tolarating that type behavior. I realize all this now. I was deep into it and couldn`t see what I was into, or maybe just didn`t want to. It`s not like I don`t really appreciate all the suggenstions and comments of people on this board, because I really do. I spent this weekend with friends one day and with my grandkids the next. I had a great time both days.There is now way I want to be in a relationship where I am mistreated.

So why are you trying to?

Really, I'm not trying to beat you up. I'm trying to get you to respect yourself and ask yourself the hard questions.

Don't you deserve a companion who thinks the world of you? Who loves you? Who can't wait to see you, the same as you will do for her?

Why settle for anything less?

That`s exactaly what I would like. There was a time when we did have that together. But somehow lost that during the past year. There are a lot of hard questions I need to take the time to answer for myself.

Can you be more specific (because I think you need 2, in order 2 disentangle yourself from this unhealthy need of yours)? What things happen? And, realizing that it takes a long time 2 recognize the wrongness of an unhealthy relationship is a good first step 2ward avoiding getting in2 another one.


Very well. If I ever feel like an idiot, I'll refrain from being sarcastic.

-ol' 2long

I don't think there's any way you're going to get over this particular hump in your relationship without some action from your end.

You're options look to me to be:

**Tell her when she has chosen who she wants to be with, she can let you know, but until then to respect that you'd rather not talk to her. (To avoid this part, I honestly believe you're looking desperate, and that isn't attractive and could keep this game of disrespect and thoughtlessness going forever.)

**Tell her that you're done and don't need the drama and are moving on as should she.

**Tell her you'd like to resume the relationship and are okay with her dating others at the same time.

But here's the thing...if she's allowed to date others, and if you two continue the "friends with benefits" theme, she could infect you with something and because of your past with her this could also be a real emotional roller coaster for you.

If you decide to cut her off temporarily or even break it off with her completely, I would recommend that you have a list of things to do after work for at least 2 weeks, maybe 3 to keep you distracted and busy. Keep working out, spending time with your grandchildren, doing work around the house.

If she continues to torment you with talking about this other guy and refuses to respect your requests to not contact you, there are ways to eliminate that, as you know. You can begin by blocking her e-mails to help close the gap. Then you can allow your answering machine to screen your calls. Last, you can turn your cell phone off.

Editing to say: Keep in mind that every time she calls talking about her 'inner turmoil' about this other man, she is disrespecting you, and every time you allow her to get away with that, you are disrespecting yourself.

I'm an MB old timer and I like what 2 long told you.

But I'll add a fishing analogy.

There's a bigger and better one out there. Time to cut the bait on the line.

She is addicted to drama and you need to end this.

I also agree with the poster who said to work on yourself. That's important. I wasn't personally good to date (imho) for a good long while after my D. Had to process things, work on me, deal with the financial aspects and emotional aspects still, and get to know the woman staring at me back in the mirror once again first. I tried to date too early and I was (also imho) heck on wheels for any man who unluckily went out with me. I was NOT ready for any relationship.

Best wishes.