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Just a thought, RE: counselor, I didn't have to pay much to mine. I called and asked for help for depression B/C of H's EA.
My insurance kicked in and I paid 20% per session, and was referred to a doc for antidepressants as a bonus. We were already seeing a Christian couples pair of counselors. It was good, she saw me and her H saw my H. We were seen together only at the first session for about 3 weeks, then, the 1st 30 min of our sessions were individual, with the final 60 min being group, with lots of homework. The price of our counseling was "what the Lord put on our hearts to pay". They were awesome. They felt that men could bond with women counselers and vice versa. Of course, we paid them well, but not as well as you are. Try the Harleys, they are sounding like a bargain from where I sit. GF
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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I wonder if it is a good idea to get away from him after she has confided in him already. Would that not give her a sign to go back to the OM
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I wonder if it is a good idea to get away from him after she has confided in him already. Would that not give her a sign to go back to the OM This doesn't make sense - I don't have any idea what you are asking
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I wonder if it is a good idea to get away from him after she has confided in him already. Would that not give her a sign to go back to the OM This doesn't make sense - I don't have any idea what you are asking He's asking whether he should quit this counselor, now that his W has opened up to him.
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Ah Thanks Marsh!
I think this guy will cost you a lot of money and he doesn't really seem to be helping much.
Perhaps you should persist with a week or so until she indicates willingness to recover your marriage at which point you could suggest a switch.
If this guy was worth the money I wouldn't have a problem but my, those yachts are soooooooooo expensive.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 90
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I have just gotten the OM wifes phone number, but if there is NC, maybe I should let a sleeping dog lie. What do you think?
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OM's W has a right to know. You would have liked for someone to tell you. She could be your ally in assuring No Contact.
Do it ASAP.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 90
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Of course he told my wife that he told his wife, and that they will spit. I can't believe how foolish she was.
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If wifey thinks he's helping her (and nobody will help if she's still wayward) let her keep seeing him. But YOU can talk to Steve. YOU'RE the one who's going to have to lead the way back...she's in no condition to lead, or even follow enthusiastically at the moment.
You need coaching, NOT blah blah. YOU quit do-nothing "therapist," and get some REAL help.
PS: GOOD JOB ON EXPOSING. Maybe they'll split, and maybe they won't. Your job is to assure NC and get your plan going!
PS: Don't believe a word of it. YOU CALL OMW and tell her yourself. Then you'll know it's done, and what she really plans to do.
Last edited by rightherewaiting; 11/16/08 01:45 AM. Reason: add PS
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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Of course he told my wife that he told his wife, and that they will spit. I can't believe how foolish she was. There's a high probability he's lying or your wife is lying to protect him. You must tell her yourself. Sorry. Very little of what your wife says about this will be the truth at the moment.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 90
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I think you misunderstood me. She says there is no contact now. He told my wife that he and his wife are done. That he told his wife about the affair.
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Exactly. Note to chuck: Do not believe anything she tells you now. Assume lies until you can verify for yourself. On everything.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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Them sleeping dogs will wake up and bite you in the ****edit****. There has been many a wayward who very convincingly told their WS there was no Contact, just to appease them. It is your best interest to expose this to his wife. This is HER life we are talking about. Telling her may just help your WW out of her depression, once the OM grovels to his WS not to leave him. OM's BS has a right to know. many an Affair has been broken the day it is exposed. Telling her is the right thing to do, DO NOT tell your WW or your counselor you are going to do it, just do it. GF
Last edited by Dufresne; 11/16/08 01:57 AM. Reason: don't bypass the profanity filter please
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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Repeat...DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT SHE SAYS UNTIL YOU VERIFY IT YOURSELF. How do you KNOW this is true?????
Talk to OMW yourself. Tomorrow. Morning.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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There have been several BS's on this board who have been told the same thing, only to find out it was not the truth. Chrisner
was told exactly what you were told, he found out it was a LIE!!
Marriages don't fail, people do.
(And I don't recall who said it)
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I think you misunderstood me. She says there is no contact now. He told my wife that he and his wife are done. That he told his wife about the affair. This is hearsay from two known liars. He may have lied to her about this. Or she maybe lying to you. It couldn't hurt to talk to his W and find out what she knows. If your W is still in contact w/ him, you'll find out soon, when she goes off on you for calling his W.
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I think you misunderstood me. She says there is no contact now. He told my wife that he and his wife are done. That he told his wife about the affair. No I think you misunderstand. If OM's lips are moving, or your wife's lips are moving, you are hearing lies. He told your wife he and his wife were done? Well he said that to get into her pants. Your wife told you they were done? She said that so you would not contact him or her. You can't believe EITHER OF THEM right now. His wife most probably does NOT know.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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His wife most probably does NOT know. I'd bet money on it.
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You want his W to know, b/c you two can work TOGETHER to end this A for good!
His W could be your biggest ally.
Call her!!!!
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If wifey thinks he's helping her (and nobody will help if she's still wayward) let her keep seeing him. But YOU can talk to Steve. YOU'RE the one who's going to have to lead the way back...she's in no condition to lead, or even follow enthusiastically at the moment.
You need coaching, NOT blah blah. YOU quit do-nothing "therapist," and get some REAL help. I second this.
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