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I have read many posts on MB in which a BS has said that Dr. Harley has advised them to "wait 2 years".
I know why he says "2 years" but I'm curious as to when the clock starts spinning.
2 years from when...discovery? exposure? start of the A?
WHEN?
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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I believe it is 2 years from the start of plan B, but I know of many who didnt wait quite that long and are happy
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Yes, I also believe that I also read two years from the start of Plan B. I'm at one year, and I don't believe that I can go another one. It is just to stressful and tiring.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Joined: Apr 2001
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It is 2 years from the start of Plan B. from the MB weekend forum: 2. The two-year mark-- at what point in the A do you start counting?
I count 2 years from the beginning of plan B. He believes that if the affair has not ended by the end of 2 years that the chance of reconciliation is not likely: Granted, plan B doesn't always work. It doesn't always lead to reconciliation. Even after an affair is over, an unfaithful spouse can continue in his or her selfish ways, and the marriage never does have the opportunity to get on track. But at least it offers partial protection of your emotional reactions for the possibility that some day he will earnestly try to reconcile. And even if he never tries, you will be in a much better place, emotionally and physically, if you have defensive barriers in place to protect yourself from the some of the damage he could have inflicted on you.
Give him two years of plan B, and then let go. By then, there will be little hope for reconciliation
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I also believe that I also read two years from the start of Plan B. I'm at one year, and I don't believe that I can go another one. It is just to stressful and tiring. CL, what do you mean you don't believe you can go another one? Are you using this time to work on yourself and treat yourself well? Are you in a truly dark Plan B? It is stressful and tiring, but I worry that something is wrong that you are having such a hard time after a whole year. Is everything ok?
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Yes, I also believe that I also read two years from the start of Plan B. I'm at one year, and I don't believe that I can go another one. It is just to stressful and tiring. CL, what do you mean you don't believe you can go another one? Are you using this time to work on yourself and treat yourself well? Are you in a truly dark Plan B? It is stressful and tiring, but I worry that something is wrong that you are having such a hard time after a whole year. Is everything ok? Tabby: (From your signature)...Are you still in plan B since 5/07?
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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CL, what do you mean you don't believe you can go another one? Are you using this time to work on yourself and treat yourself well? Are you in a truly dark Plan B? It is stressful and tiring, but I worry that something is wrong that you are having such a hard time after a whole year. Is everything ok? At the risk of t/j-ing this into a What is Plan B thread, plan B is about preserving your willingness to reconcile. CL is getting facing divorce talks in addition to other hardships. I think she's worried that after another year of this, she simply won't be interested in reconciliation.
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Pretty much, though it's a modified version of the MB marriage recovery plan B. I abandoned any hope for recovery when I found out while looking for evidence of the A how he'd been stealing from me and mistreating me for most of our M. However, my version of plan B is what has been helping me to recover my life and my self esteem. I've come a long way and I'm a far better person now than I was before the A and all this happened. The MB principals do work. The end result may not be what you expect, but it is far better from where you started.
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Tabby, if you consider yourself in Plan B instead of Plan D...why are you dating?
Last edited by medc; 11/17/08 09:09 PM.
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is what has been helping me to recover my life and my self esteem. I've come a long way and I'm a far better person now than I was before the A and all this happened. I consider this to be a great side effect.
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Tabby,
I meant pretty much what SD said. My WH has been pretty hostile and is now being ugly in the D. Yes, I'd like to recover, but he has been so nasty and hostile that I don't know if I want to wait another year. Yes, the peace of Plan B has been good for me. I think that I originally looked at Plan B as a way to get WH back to the M. Wrong. He looked at it as more punishment and got hostile. On the other hand, if I had not done it I think I would still be baking cakes and he would be still scarfing them down. It was clear that he was not going to quit travelling, not going to quit sneaking around, and not going to quit communicating with her. I had no choice for my own sanity. I said I would wait one year, and I did. Just not sure I'm up for waiting any longer.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Tabby, if you consider yourself in Plan B instead of Plan D...why are you dating? I'm in Plan D to end the marriage. I'm in Plan B to rebuild my life. As I said, it hasn't been a textbook MB-Plan B. Simply darkness to protect myself from the hostility, not to preserve any feelings.
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That makes sense, Chai. Just the way you wrote it sounded like you were going to break Plan B. According to everything here, Plan B doesn't always end in recovery of the marriage, but it will aid in personal recovery which is necessary regardless. If you let go of your desire to reconcile, at least it will be your decision and not one thrust upon you. Hope the D doesn't get any uglier. Unfortunately, it is never pretty.
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