Posted before and have been reading for a while.

Basic background:
Married 16 1/2 yr, together 24 yr. Two children DD4 & DD6. We had our rollercoaster ride. She was heading for D 2005, she filled for D Sep,2006 and we were reconciling in June, 2007.
Terms on reconiliation were we would move to VA as she wanted, if not she could move in 1 year after our counceling. She went to counceling but I could tell she was not realy there. No repair.

So end of Aug. 2008 She moved to VA to her sister's with our DD's. We were to have a parenting plan before she left but still do not have one.

I went down when she got there and a few times, I was pushed away. Had to get a hotel room to spend time with our DD's. It was sad, But they were happy.

As far as our plan to move I made many job aplications. I have a job not to far from her sister, where she wants to be but she is not willing to comit to us being together. I am asking her be 30 min from her sister and she is not willing.


Now I am just fighting for time with my DD's with me here. I have thought about moving far to there, with out us as a family as she has said for me to move there for our children, but I have no family suport there. I do here.

What do I do?

I started this week with trying to have my kids up here this weekend but she ignored my e-mails and text measage. Funny when I sent my first e-mail she called me in a half hour but I didn't pick up. She ignored my resends of the same e-mail until today when I CC'd my lawyer. Then she called me in a half hour, but when I mentioned the e-mails and text measage she played kike she never saw them.

We spoke for quite a while starting with I have shown no action. (I got to say I have) I put it back on her which is a bit of a DJ but it's the truth. Then comes the interesting part.

Last week her brother called me and said he has been talking with her and she is considering continueing our relationship. Sounds great but I'm starting to feel good about myself. I read the other thread tonight about Borderline Personality Disorter, sounds familiar. Her brother sugested last week we write an expectation list and talk. As I talked today with my wife on the phone for the first time in 3 months since she left she told me she does want to work on our relationship. She hasn't writen an expectation list. I told her I have and suggested she write a list of what she is willing to do for the relationship.

She she left me a measage at 3:18 and said she would come up next weekend so we could talk. I called her back at 3:25 to let her know I got the measage and she said she would come up tonight. She did and she is sleeping on the couch, I'm on the love seat and the kids are in my bed. When I went down there she made me get a motel to see the kids. When she brought them up here for there first 4 weeks ago I told her she would have to respect my boundries and stay at her other sisters up here. Tonight I let her stay here, I hope I am not giving in too easy.

We are going to talk tomorrow.

I'm confused, We talked Sat. morning we went over EN's and there was some DJ's on both parts. Concerns were respect. Extended family and our support from them as well as our discomfort from that was our hurt from each others. I also asked for understanding in issues, she did not understand but I did not explain POJA well enough.

Saturday she asked me in the morning what were the plans for the day (it was my weekend for the kids and she felt very out of place). I said I would like a family day, DD6 wanted to go to the Mall. On our way back we talked about our DD's seeing my family and she seemed to bow out to see her sister here. In a good way not to force things but give natural space. She asked if she should come back and I said yes ( it was awkward). I went to my sisters and my parent met us there. Latter when we were home my wife called to see if we were home to see if it was OK to come by and it felt strange.

Today Sunday so much more happened but I will post tomorrow. must go to bed.

Have you read the concepts here about Love Busting and Emotional Needs? Have you explained them to her? Would she be willing to fill out the questionnaires?

Cat,

I bought and read "Love Busters" a little over 2 years ago. Very helpful for me. I gave it to her and she said she would read it but never did. I also printed out the questionier but she wasn't interested.

The whole time she seemed to want it her way or the highway. This I feel was fueled by her sisters, divorced friends and divorce group support. Now that she has been talking to her brother he is saying to her our relation ship will have to be different, can’t be like the old one. So she is either listening to that or feeling the effect of 3 months separation, the last month was a semi plan B.

This weekend we got to talk about continuing our relationship or not and how to do that with a 4 hour distance. We were able to keep our talks not dwelling on the past for the most part which was good. I will ask if she will read Love Busters.