I understand the worry about a FR because of the holidays, but there will always be and EXCUSE for a FR...because it is just that, an excuse.

The best way to make certain that there is NO FR is to make certain every i is dotted and every t is crossed BEFORE he moves a toe across your threshold.

After that, if there is a FR it is his choice...not because you caved and let him in because he got "a" and "c" done, but promised he'd do "b" and "d" "in a little while."

Capice?

You warm me to the cockles of my teeny, tiny heart, T2. You are a kind and generous soul.

I was censored!

It was just another word for the crinkles of the blood pumping organ located about the center of the chest...

Rhymes with "bockles..."

If you do decide to paint your toes, either dip them in the can or get spray paint. It's much faster, and I know how busy you are.

Holidays? I think they contribute to the feeling of loneliness and bleak future without the family, if that's the direction they're leaning anyway. IMO, and I could be totally wrong on this, I am not aware of any link between holidays and false recoveries. I think either they're repentant or they're not, no matter what time of year.

How cute! Our kitty is pouncing around with a balloon. I predict this isn't going to end well...

Loved the Ramen line. Cranberry Ramen, yum.

YES, send a suggestion into the Top Ramen people. I know that they will at least send you a case of Top Ramen. My sons love it. But as far as I know, there is only Oriental Ramen, Chicken Ramen, Spicy Chicken Ramen, Beef Ramen and Shrimp Ramen.

Might be a vegetarian Ramen, I forget.

What does it say about me that I know (or at least am pretty sure) that there's a Pork Ramen?

In Canada it's called Ichiban.

Hey you guys quick and probably obvious to most question.

So H can obviously call the house and talk with DS10 right? I mean we don't live with the mediators so I would think it's ok as DS10 needs to talk with dad.

Ans what if H tries to make plans with DS10 to visit while on the nightly phone call? Should i instruct DS10 if dad wants to make plans he should take the information and call him back?

ALL requests go through the mediator.

He should not be making requests through a 10 year, who has a 10 year old's hopes and wants and needs.

Of COURSE it's pork ramen, and it can be made from (or BY) any pig with an Itchy Bun. I bet you thought they just MADE up these names...

OK.
What, pray tell, is Ramen????

Noodles in a thin broth.

The noodles are very long, thin and curly and make complete tacky mess on the table if the kids forget to clean it up.

Yes, noodles in a broth. It comes in a styrofoam cup and you add water. Last I checked it cost 25 cents each. But you can make it gourmet by adding an egg and chives.

I know what it is now!

I googled it, and we ahve a similar product here called '2 minute noodles'. They use to be really nice until they decided to go all healthy, now no-one here (at home) will eat them.

The kids always forget to clean it up. Also, the Oriental flavor is the vegetarian one. (Don't ask me how I know. Also, I have no idea how this actually tastes, but my um um FRIEND said that Ramen is really delicious if you put in a bunch of vegetables, a dash of soy sauce, a little sprinkle of garlic powder, and some soy abalone.)

Agree visitation needs to go through the mediator. As long as you have caller ID so the kids can answer it directly, it shouldn't be a problem to have him call. If he does try to abuse the system, just get your DS a cheap cell phone for communication with his dad. Tracfone has a good prepaid deal, and isn't very expensive.

Ramen = Each package has like 500% of your daily recommended sodium (I'm exaggerating, but not by much).

Trying2live, you are an inspirational lady. Stay strong with your plan.

Best wishes to you,

YS

YS,
Awe Thanks for the support. Yup Strong Plan B.

And ya know what you're right! Those ramen noodles are soooo stinking bad for you. Lots of sodium and lots of calories.

Stay far away from ramen even if they do offer Holiday flavors!!!!

LMAO

T2L,

I have been lurking on this board for over a year. Knew there was trouble in my marriage, didn't know how bad till I found out about WH's EA this past January. Some day I will post about it, but I digress. I just came on here today to lurk (haven't in a long time) and there was something about your topic title that caught my eye. I spent the entire day reading through every single post in this thread.

I wanted to tell you how inspirational you are. Your courage and conviction. Your patience and determination. I could go on, but everyone here has conveyed the same feelings and thoughts about how you are handling this. You are the Queen of Plan A.

I also wanted to tell you that your post about the day you enacted Plan B really hit home. I felt your hurt, the pain and anguish. I cried when I pictured what you had just gone through, and I don't even know you.

That is the kind of impact you are having on all of us. Which brings me to the last reason I wanted to reply to this thread. Your story, the way you have handled it, the way your WH has reacted to Plan A, the way DD17 has handled this with such a wink in her eye and the difficulties that your DS10 has had with all of this.......Well, (please don't laugh) All I could think of was, "This would make one heck of a 'Lifetime' movie!" (I'm serious)

No matter how your PB works out, you will still come out of this a winner. I'm thinking seriously that you should give this a little thought. Your story is compelling, heartbreaking, spirit renewing and "power to the woman" all rolled up into a great 'chick flick.'

You and your story reminds me of a quote....

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -- Walt Emerson

You are a shining example of what lies within us.

Good Luck, T2L. And thank you for sharing your journey.

BeamMeUp,
Thank so much. my mind was wandering just a bit and feeling just a bit of sorrow, as I am vacuuming the pool, organizing my closet, and cleaning the garage(can you tell I'm trying to stay focused and keep my thoughts captive?) and I jump on to read your encouragement. I am weeping cuz I just needed that, I started to feel a bit down for a few.

Thank you so much for posting and reading. I hope that my story goes as I would like. BUT NO EXPECTATIONS you here that believer?? LOL J/K but that was the best advice ever and saved me much pain and allowed me to do the strong Plan A because I had no expectations. And also my life saver was the I'm the thermostat and not the temperature and I am the light house and not the ship at sea. That gave me the right mindset while walking through Plan A to not be moved and to just do the Plan.

Love the movie idea, now I have such a passion for saving marriages. It burns so deep in my heart. I would love to save any family this nightmare. Even walk aways as they really have no clue to the h3ll they are about to enter. Even during the first several months my H confessed to just wanting to crash his car into the freeway embankment. At that time I said I understand but how would I explain to my kids you didn't love them enough to stay?

Yes we face horrible pain by this but as hard as it is to say I can admit that I know my H has experienced pain through this as well and I don't think, although he told me just after discovery that he said he knew what he had and he knew what he was losing and he did it anyways, that he truly knew the darkness and h3ll that he was getting ready to go through.

I know now that he is in that dark place again because he must now choose or lose. I will continue to pray for him and keep going until the grace God gave me to stand is no longer there. But either way can admit that I will always love him.

Thank you for posting. I love reading new posts.

Funny, I know a guys who does independent films, he was joking with me saying OMG I need to do a movie on you this is crazy. Maybe I'll copy and paste your post. Lurk any old time and say hello and feel free to join all my silly friends while we talk of watermelon, candles, patchouli, pumpkins and ramen.

Much Love.

T2L

Y'all are all forgetting the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT aspect of Ramen noodles.

I've only seen them in little squares wrpped in cellophane, and THEY COME TEN FOR A DOLLAR!!!!! I.e., each one costs 10 cents!!!!!!!

How good can something be for you if it costs 10 cents???

And therein lies the reason it is a staple food for grad students.

Think how much money you could save, if one meal cost you 10 cents?????

Hey guys,

Ok I am a little concerned. DD17 just came in to talk to me, says that most of the day she could not reach her dad then she said she just got a hold of him and he sounded bad, like he's depressed.

She said mom I had to force him to say I love you to me. She said he sounds like he just doesn't care anymore. She says he hardly talked to me.

What am I supposed to say to her about that? Now I am worried a bit, I mean DD17 can call anytime she wants but what if H talks like that to DS10 who has already had so much emotional damage from this whole thing and does not need more rejection from his dad. What if he hears that same tone in his dads voice that DD17 heard.

I mean I would hope that if he hates me once again he wouldn't put that on my kids. Is this normal?

What you said here is so true!!
Even though I am the FWW, God convicted me so strong of the devastation and the pain that I caused that I decided to do something about this passion.
I enrolled in the University and currently pursuing a Bachelors degree. Hopefully after that I can do my masters. I need it in order to become a professional licensed counselor.


Well, he kind of had an idea MAYBE. You don't know until you're actually going through it. He will BEGIN to understand the devastation, destruction that he brought upon his family until he TRULY repents.This only happens after complete and total NC, withdrawal, etc....But then he is going to begin having feelings of remorse and guilt, and let me tell you, those are very difficult to deal with. Especially if he is/was Christian. The thought of what he did to you, his children, to him but especially when he realizes that with this he hurt GOD as well.....
But this are issues that he is going to deal with....now you focus on PB...I am no expert in any of those plans....I think you are doing grrrrreat!!!
Keep up the good work girl!!!
You are an inspiration to a lot of girls out there!!
For reals, I am going to send my sister in law to read your thread, my brother cheated on her.. .....It gets me sooo mad that there's only so much that one can do to help them!! It got me sooo mad that he did this to her!!! ....

Hugs

A.