Have you been in touch with the Robertson Law Firm???

http://www.robertson-law-firm.com/PracticeAreas/Fathers-Rights.asp

Important Law Governing Divorce in Arkansas
Initial custody determinations follow the best interest of the children standard and "in order for custody to be changed, there must not only be proof of a material change in circumstances, but that proof must also be accompanied by evidence that the change would be in the child's best interest." Hepp v. Hepp, 61 Ark. App. 240, 253 (1998)


Start keeping meticulous records concerning your dealings with your wife, kids and her dealings with the kids.

Hire a PI if possible to gather evidence...every little bit will be of help.

Remember...this is a long fight...but your kids are worth the effort. Never quit.

MASSIVE exposure.

Also...consider a visit to the HR department of her employer.

Fight.

I don't...but I imagine much of the information would translate well to Canada.

it is not your fault. She is trying to put the blame on you to take it off herself, but please do not accept that from her.

Problem is, that in relationships, she can not be treated like an adult. She has an addiction to the "high" that comes from flirting, chasing other men, and seeing if she can get them to chase her back. It is thrilling, just like taking drugs, drinking, other behaviors that are bad for you.

And honestly, if you had insisted that she change jobs, she would have found OM#2 at her new job. After all, her infidelity is not only linked to OM#1, she also found OM#2.

Can this be fixed? Can this M be saved?? yes - but it will take a complete change in lifestyle. Just like a recovering alchoholic would need to stay away from bars forever, she would need to stay away from any chance to get involed with OM #3. A new job, perhaps moving to a new town. 100% accoutnability to you. Always being where she is supposed to be, when she is supposed to be. She would need to provide protection for you, and her M.

If she can not make that sort of committment to you, If she is not willing to change her lifestyle completely. Then she needs to move out and live the life of a single woman.

By the way - you CAN ask her to move out. You simply sit down and say "WW, you know that I love you. I wnat to be with you for life. We have a beautiful family togehter. But I can not watch you continue a R with OM. I do not want to control you, or tell you what to do. I simply can not watch this any longer. If you would like to continue your relationships with #1 and #2, and continue to work with them, then I must ask you to move out. I don't want you to move!! Believe me,this is killing me to say it. But I can not watch it any longer."

medc - thanks for the help. I will definitely look into it. Have you read my entire thread to know the sitch.

make sure you expose to your kids, her family and your friends and family.

I read the beginning so far. Based upon what has already been done...DWI with kids in the car, PI video of her drinking and driving...etc, you could possibly get an emergency hearing for custody based on her being a danger to your kids.

I was trying to understand the situation with the PI...was he inappropriate with her??? Or was he posing as someone interested in her?

Get in front of a lawyer as quick as possible.

Was your wife convicted or did she plead the DWI?

Trust me, she is digging her own grave. NEVER let her take the kids.

Document, document, document.

womanoffaith5 - There is the problem of I have asked her what happened to the woman that I married, and my WW response is "everyone changes". There is no way at this point that I could get her to change her lifestyle. She has even told me that I am trying to control her by telling her that it is not right to be talking liek she is to OM1 and OM2. so what do you do in that case? She is he77 bent on continuing what she is doing. No matter what I say or do it is not good enough. I do beleive that she enjoys the chase, flirting, and hopes of getting chased back. Everyone on here has told me to expose. I did that and it seemed to backfire from OMW. I am jsut shocked that OMW just took his word like that without me telling her what text messages I did read.

The PI was posing as someone that was interested in her. He is well know for doing what they call pre-texting to people. It only took 3 text messages from him and BOOM! They were talking. I have copies of those texts and they were not inappropriate. My WW and her toxic GF also caleed him and talked to him on the phone for almost and hour without knowing who in the he77 they were talking to. as for the dWI she plead guilty. She had no choice she blew over the limit. I have been in front of several lawyers and the one I have now has even mentioned a temporary hearing with temporary custody and rights to the house. I would liek to hear your thoughts on my sitch all the way back from the beginning.

Okay...I just read the thread.

First off...some of this will come across as harsh...know I am only trying to help you.

You need to man up. Your interpretation of the laws are very far off. It takes more than a curse to get a restraining order in EVERY part of this country.

Be smart...but find your balls and use them.

Stop fretting over what to do and just do it. You have gotten some great advice on this thread...but YOU need to implement it.

Exposure.

Father's rights lawyer appointment before TODAY is out.

Work up a strategy with the PI and the lawyer to discredit her as a mom...and that shouldn't be hard based on what has already happened. This info will be invaluable IF needed.

Document



NONE of this will work and your kids will suffer if you don't fight. If you are not brave...pretend..no one will know the difference.

Be firm, be cool, be determined.

If you do all of these things, you will come out of this on top. Your kids will be proud of their father. The question is...do you have the balls to make this happen. There is not going to be a second chance...no mulligans...one shot to get this right. So get all of your self doubt, all of your fear, anxiety and passivity and symbolically seal it in a box and burn it. The NEW you will be respected and will put his kids first in every decision from this point forward.

So...what's it going to be?

OK. I just received this e-mail from my WW. This is the type of thing she is doing and then will come home and text OM all night. This is what I have been asking about what is going on with this. This is what the e-mail said.


"Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Hope you're having a
good day at work."


Then there was an attachment that said I love you with a picture of a heart. What is that all about? Any suggestions. I just wonder how many of these she sends to the 2 OM.

Are you even listening? Several of us have told you WHY she does this but you keep asking.

Did you read MEDC's posts to you?

Yes, I have been listening. It is just confussing as to why someone would do things liek that to another individual. Especially someone they say they LOVE. who would not be confused by it? Who would not wonder why it is being done? To me at this point I am trying to ignore it because I really do not need to believe in her and be hurt even more.

That's exactly right because waywards lie, everyday. Don't listen to her words. Judge her by her consistent actions. Tossing you a crumb out of one side of her mouth and cursing her marriage (by her actions) does not speak of a loving wife.

Time for YOU to change your outlook. No more of this mess. No more! Time to take charge.

Another question that I have at this point is. If she is going to do the things that she does why does she not file for divorce? Why do I have to look like the bad guy to my kids if that eventually happens from my side. Why do I have to be the bad guy for what she is doing? I can explain it as much as I want to my kids, but they are so young and will not understand, and I can almost guarantee that my WW will try to use them against me seeing as how I am the only one that really plays with them or shows them support now.

Hogfan:

Unless you have something in the closet that is keeping your from acting decisively, you need to start moving.

Will you look like a "bad guy"

No.

Your TRYING to PROTECT your Marriage and FAMILY.

Maybe your kids won't understand today, but they WILL in the future.

She is doing the things that she does, sending you TM's saying she loves you, because IT WORKS. Your heart melts, or whatever, and she continues to do what she wants to do.

And this:


As MEDC says, document, document and document. Sure, you live in AR, and its kinda backward. BUT THAT's BECAUSE they didn't fight properly.

You have gotten more solid advice on what to do in this thread in four days, then you had for a YEAR of fighting your WW's A's.

Will you Marriage survive? Maybe. And we can help you save it. But there are SO MANY things you need to do NOW to start making that happen.

Another good outcome would be you with your children without your corrosive WW in your house anymore.

Both are going to take a struggle to get to. But sitting on the bench ain't getting it done.

LG

How do you start to save something that has gotten this bad? Headed tothe house for another evening of taking care of the kids.

Okay, hogfan, THAT IS ENOUGH.

QUIT worrying about what your WW says.
You can't change it.
You can't control it.
You can't understand it.
You are wasting your time.
JUST STOP IT.

Put your energies into exposing her, getting hard evidence of the A, securing a good father's rights attorney, and doing a heck of a strong Plan A or Plan B.

Just QUIT this running in circles and wasting cycles on things you cannot control, and get your butt in gear and work on the things you CAN control.

If I could smack you upside the head right now, I would.
Get a grip.

HF:

I wanted to reorder TH's statement:

The order should be:
Securing a good fathers rights attorney
Hard evidence of the affair.
Strong Plan A, With the STICK part.
EXPOSE HER
Collect your info for seperation and moving her out.
Make sure you have the info to keep your kids.
Plan B.

LG

Here's what I would do. I'd use her addiction against her.

Acting real sweet you tell her you whould love to let her go out dancing and drinking but you just can't bring yourself to let her while she lives with you. Tell her maybe she should move in with a friend for a 'trial'.

She'll likey jump at the chance.

Then, when she's gone, you get a lawyer to file abandoment and change all the locks in the house!