In a nutshell:
It has been 6 weeks since D day. My S had an A with a coworker at his family business. After finding Marriage Builders things got off to a good start. There are two office locations and he has been working at the location where the OW does not work. He says if she isn't gone by Feb. 1st he will leave after he finishes they year end paperwork. We started communicating again and did a pretty good job of setting aside regrets and resentments. We actually go to a point where it felt like we were starting to date again. Then I was checking his phone number and found one of the salesman’s phone numbers with the wrong area code. I called it and it went to a generic message. I figured I was just over reacting because I truly (but still question) he is being honest with me. Then my S called and asked why I was calling the OW. I blew up. We were right back at square one and I wanted out. I didn’t want to be hurt ever again and I felt again like I couldn’t trust him. Evidently he didn’t erase the hidden number and he misdialed it. The duration was short.

I’ve lost it since then. I’m so mad and feel like I have no one to talk to. We decided to tell no one except one of my best friends who had experience as the OW. I’m starting to loose all respect for her so I think I might be loosing my friend from all this too. If we tell anyone else I’m afraid I would have to end the marriage because I’m already at the point of not respecting myself for staying with him for this long since there was a history of verbal abuse. I guess I just know how to pick them. I had to deal with his son’s mother who was not in the best mental state. Then she passed on unexpectedly a year and a half ago and his, our son is now mine. We have a 4 year old son together also. We went through so much together the last year and this is what I get. My S and I are going to a councilor once a week. We are trying to read, did the worksheets again, but my taker is so powerful right now I don’t think I can escape it.

I have no one to talk to but him and it is just so hard. I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see but can’t do anything about it. I’m trying to figure out what I can do.

me - 39
H - 34
married 2003
DS 4 and 10

In my situation we only told one mutual friend. She has been the person that I have confided in through the years about all our marital problems. She too is going through a similar situation as you. Her S used to call the OW regularly and text message. Since then my friend checks her H phone and phone records. He no longer is calling the OW, but now he is calling a "new" mutual friend of theirs. Now my friend doesnt know what to do. Phone calls seemed to be how the first situation started. She wanted to call this "new" friend and tell her the situation, but doesnt want her to be offended if its innocent. This "new" person is married and has a very jealous H. But my friend does not want it to lead into anything.

They are doing Marriage Builders, but like you, now that the calls started back up with someone else, she is always suspicious as to what he is doing. He says nothing. But she now feels like she is back to square one!

I suggested that she tell her H upfront that she really does not feel secure with him calling other women and that if these other women were friends they should call her if they have any questions.

You said you found MB but did you follow the plans? Did your husband send a NC letter to OW and let you send it? Why didn't you expose? YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. As long as he has contact of ANY kind, the affair is still on. Sounds like he just went underground. Going to marriage counseling during an active affair is throwing your money away.

Have you thought about calling the Harleys for some coaching? It money well spent.

Breathe. Its only been 6 weeks and you are still looking for steady ground so dont expect everthing to be solid all the time.

Its ok to not talk about your problems to many friends. I told one close friend beacuse I knew she is strong and will be able to give me no BS answers. As for my other 2 really close friends I simply told them that I am having problems and need their support and love. No details.
Vent here.
Talk to the folks here
They have BTDT.
The more you post your feelings here the more you have a chance to read them aloud for youself and soak in the advise and information you are given.
It will take time.
You cant rush it, belive me we have all tried.

Now first things first.

Is there NC with your H and OW ?
How does he know you called her ?

When there is a setback as in your case remeber that it is only temporary and tomorrow will be different. You just have to get thru today to get to tomorrow.

What does this mean? We need more details! Did you start Plan A? Has NC been established? Have you read about LBs and ENs? Have you read his need, her needs or fall in love, stay in love by dr. harley? Have you read surviving an affair?