Just for info, here is the introductory letter I sent with my co-IM.

Yes Pepperband offered a while back so just need to see if it's still in her heart to do. That's awesome to hear that's she's not scurd....LOL sorry I make fun of some of the dumb songs my DD17 hears on the radio...but yeah who ever does this is gonna need a huge back bone and be able to roll stuff of their back.

Maybe I'll put out a post calling for Pep. Haven't seen her post in a while.

My H was completely nuts the 1st five months, were talking angry man I really don't get why I mean he's the one that did all this. Of course the kids and I were so upset and hurt that we did cut him off on 2 occasions for a month at a time so I guess that made him mad. He just couldn't understand why the kids were mad at him and why I didn't force them to see him.

Yup, that's waywards for ya. Total petulant children.

Lucky for you, Plan B removes you from the drama. He can be angry all he wants - YOU don't have to deal with it.

HOOOORAY for you! T2L!

I don't think his reaction was unexpected at all. Cake eaters have HUGE sugar withdrawls.

Your Mediator may not have known what to expect- I think his reaction could have been much, much worse--

you are doing things quite well.

Take Pep up if she's willing-she takes n0-sheeeet.

WH will learn soon enough what the rules of engagement are. How can he expect you to go on forever like you were?

HEY VETS! Would be O.K. to have D17 tell him that there is no "boundries" for him to see the kids? and he can call them whenever he wants? -( but I really think he knows this, he's just trying to blow smoke at T2L and anyone who "stands in his way") I know there is to be no kid involvement, but D17 is 17, and she knows what is going on....

T2L -- he does not have control over YOUR TIME ANYMORE (you are the thermostat)

I'd keep D17 out of it. She's got her own issues to deal with because of her dad's poopie attitude, and I don't think she needs more responsibility or more to cope with.

T2L, you remember how WH kept saying "I do what I want" (read in a two-year-old "you're not the boss of me!" voice)?

He's been dining on cake - nay, gorging himself on cake. Heck, he's been frolicking naked in fountains of frosting!!

And now his cake is GONE ('cause you know OW isn't serving up very good cake AT ALL), and he's going to kick and scream and pout.

And as it turns out, he can't do what he wants, not if it involves other people and they don't give their permission, or if they choose not to participate. He's wanting to take his ball and stomp off home, only he's got no home to stomp off to!! He burned that bridge himself.

Sucks to be him.

Don't let him rattle you. Just sit back and enjoy the show. Except when you get a good IM you'll be insulated from the show. Dagnabbit, I had popcorn ready...

Ah.

I loves me some Turtle today.

<tj>
Turtlehead squeals with delight
</tj>

I'm squealing too, but I'm not sure its with the sound of delight! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Loving the imagery of frolicking in frosting, that had me dying! I literally could see H doing that. Shoot I think he was close to OD'ing on frosting I would say.

Just talked to the last IM who H was snotty to and he said ya know what I think he thinks i was going to monitor his visit and not mediate. He says I'm going to call and clarify what the letter said, but I think it still maybe best to get someone that doesn't know him so it won't ruin the friendship.

Well I guess its good to know that he's acting par for the course. In all honesty its a scary feeling because you feel like ok did I just push him further but then I have to slap myself and think oh wait he lives with her LOL. Plus being the OW to the OW when I am his wife is ridiculous. I mean sorry bud at some point you don't get SF with 2 girls. But have to say still feels crappy.

anger is good -
indifference is not good

You need to be insulated from his emotional reactions right now - do not take his emotional temperature - he's not your business right now .... let him stew

Pep's here!!!

Now I can stop worrying about you.
:gobblegobble:


(Not that the others are chopped liver... just that I assume she's agreeing to be your IM... I hope...)

Of course he is angry......... He's beginning to figure out that he is going to have Top Ramen for Thanksgiving, and it won't even be Turkey flavored.

Hang in there, and don't let him get you down. I'm very hopeful that he will realize where he belongs.

believer you crack me up!
Thanks, I needed that!

Realizing where he belongs before all these darn holidays would be nice!!!! Well if you remain hopeful then so can I.

Neak,
I forwarded info from Pep to you, looks like a tag team IM baby!

I truly think its not so much the turkey flavor that's getting him down as it is the pumpkin pie flavored ramen that's really doing him in.

I don't know how busy Pep is, but Kimmy offered and she is one of the best. Don't think she lives in the Pacific time zone, but she is always around and would do JUST GREAT.

I would put my hat in the ring, but I have little patience for waywards. I might send him something like THIS - (from Craigslist)

To all married men looking to cheat,

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.
They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".
I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every [censored] time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that [censored] hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains [censored] out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired [censored] line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your [censored] ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of [censored].

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, [censored] 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a [censored] riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the [censored] up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. [censored]. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your [censored] together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can [censored] about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the [censored] up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. [censored].

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think [censored] some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little [censored]-fest:
Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be [censored] around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.
Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.
Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your [censored] pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/[censored], they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this [censored] hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.
So, go ahead and whine your pathetic [censored] about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless [censored] in the first place.

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club. See you in hell.

Too bad I'm skipping Plan B and heading straight to Plan D. That would be my Plan B letter.

OMGosh -- that was absolutely hilarious, so right on and so needed right now!!!
I have to even use an emoticon!
Thanks! I needed to read that tonight!!!
BF439

So I guess I won't be getting the job of mediator...........

Ok guys had some very weak moments earlier. So the first IM called H to verify that he was just going to pass info back and forth and NOT to monitor which is what we all thought he might have thought by his email.

They ended on fine terms but H refuses to use ANY mediator and so I'm not sure how this is going to work.

So the 1st IM then tells me that H thinks that this is all a huge game and that I should have sat down and talked with him instead of handing him a letter. He then says that I am controlling and that the lines of communication were open and now there is nothing back to square one. The 1st IM says he thinks that H is looking for some kinda of apology or admittance from me(which was included in PBL as a blanket apology).

So this caused me to waiver and I almost considered calling and apologizing, but I called my Pastor 1st. My pastor said that they have a similar situation with an alcoholic in the family and that you can't listen to what he is saying right now. He said you have gone to the mentors and they know what they are talking about. He said stay the course and do not be double minded and that if I break now the 7 weeks of the perfect plan A will all have been for nothing.

Whew....It calmed me a little. I have to tell you though this is by far harder than Plan A, I mean can you believe its easier for me to SF with my H while he lives with the OW and Im looking at the hickey on him? Yeah I think I'm weird, well I guess you are who you hang around LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL..J/K You guys are THAT weird.

I do feel week and am very nervous about the IM working when he refuses to. He says that he's not going to talk to strangers or friends about his personal finances. What then.

My poor DS!0 is crying right now and says he hates his dad, says Im sick of waiting we just waited 2 months and now we have to wait more. DS10 took dads call just a few minutes ago and H says I want to come see you tomorrow. I told DS10 to tell dad you need to ask me. He says is that some kind of rule? DS10 says no its not that and H says Hmmmm and say ok goodnight. My son is so upset. He says he hates telling dad anything even I have to ask mom. HE has been through so much. Nail biting, anxiety, fear, sleeping with me for 6 months, and I just feel so bad for him because he was enjoying having dad back home. I tried to console him and he is angry he had to tell dad i gotta ask mom, he is angry and says i don't want to visit him at the park mom its stupid he should be living here.... I say your right and I'm sorry your hurting and If I could take the pain away i would and I am hurting too......{{{{Breathe}}}}}

Dear God give me strength. I know I can do it I'm just dreading what he could do in return....divorce, finances etc. I hate this part did I mention that. Man I am ever glad I am doing this now so he can feel more during the holidays. My pastor also said he needs to be alone and to experience life with out you so he can't blame you like he always has. I don't claim to be perfect I did have a few control issues birthed out of my fear that he would some day cheat. I should have given him more freedom even though I was afraid he would cheat. He said in one of his 1st emails to me after discovery that "i always knew that this would happen i just didnt know when". What the heck? I truly believe in some ways I felt that and it caused me to fear and control, not horribly but any amount is not good.

Officially, 3 days in Plan B and IT SUCKS AND I HATE IT!

Ok I can use 3 mediators. Pep, Neak and Kimme. Just be ready he has a temper, and your really really going to have to completely indifferent and emotionless or he'll get worse.

I'm scared again......

It's OK - You are OK - you are safe - you are healthy - and most importantly, you are not alone.