After the trip to New York my wife & her boss continued to travel overnight to Charleston WV on a bi-weekly basis and would throw in Louisville once in a while even though Louisville is only about 1 hour from our home. She would always claim they had dinner meetings followed by early meetings the next morning thus they needed to stay overnight.

Of course during this time she also continued the constant text messages when I wasn't around. It reached the point that my co-workers would comment on it when we went out with them or were at company functions. They all noticed how as soon as I would get up from the table to visit the mens room or get drinks she would whip out the cell phone and start texting then stuff it away as soon as she saw me coming back. It was also during this time that my mother & father both passed away. As they lived on the west coast she wasn't able to go with me for either funeral due to being too busy at work. I did notice once when I had been to OR to work on the estate that when I got home the bed covers were in the washing machine. I thought this was strange as I was the one who always did the laundry.

In the fall of 2006 she also started trimming her pubic hair for the very first time in her life. When I commented on it she stated that a couple friends of ours had been talking about how nasty it was to allow hair to grow natural. A few months later I asked one of the friends about this and she had no idea what I or Amy was talking about. The friend stated they had never had a conversation about that topic.

The trips and lies continued and then in June of 2007 it really hit the fan.

The agency had a company event in Charlestown W.V. where they took all the W.V. agents out for a night at the Charlestown Minor League baseball team. At one point OM got up from his seat with his wife & daughter and left. A few minutes later Amy looked at her cell and then, after waiting a couple more minutes, got up and said she had to go to the ladies room. As she was walking up the concourse I happened to glance back and thought I saw OM walking after her. At first I didn’t think anything about it but then I would see if they were together. When I was walking towards the restrooms I saw Amy come out of the ladies room looking at her cell phone with a smile on her face. As I was only about 30 feet from her I turned away towards the concession stand but watched her out of the corner of my eye. She walked a short distance to the entrance of the “Family Restroom” where after a short hesitation she went in it. At this point I was very suspicious so, after waiting 2 minutes, I went over and tried the door. It was locked so I stepped back to a table about 15 feet away. For the next 8-10 minutes I tried the door twice and it remained locked. After 10+ minutes OM opened the door and walked out. When he saw me sitting there looking at him he got a panicked look on his face and rushed by me without saying a thing. I watched him go then went over and tried the door again only to find it locked again. After a couple minutes the door unlocked and Amy walked out. She also got a panicked look on her face. I asked her what she and K.C. were doing in a locked bathroom together and she said “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. I said OK; let’s go see what K says about it. She replied “just do that”. I walked back to the grandstand and leaned beside K.C. He made it a point to stare straight ahead and when I asked him “K, do you want to tell me what you were doing in a locked “family bathroom” with my wife” he replied “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. All the time he faced straight ahead and never looked toward me or his wife and daughter. Amy & I went back to the hotel where OM came looking for me when he & his family got back. After yelling at me about upsetting his daughter I told him maybe his daughter & wife should know he was screwing his secretary. He then accused me of being drunk and said I was hallucinating. (I had had a total of 3 beers throughout dinner & the game) and he grabbed my arm a couple of times. Only when hotel security showed up and I told them that if he touched me again I would press charges did he leave. For the rest of the night Amy tried to deny they were in the bathroom together so I got up to leave about 4:00 am. She rode with me and continued to deny everything until Monday after work. In fact she went so far as to also claim I was hallucinating. When she came home from work on Monday, after asking me not to call an attorney, she showed me a joint and claimed a young agent in Charleston had given it to her to give to an agent in Lexington. She claimed she had met K.C. in the locked bathroom to ask what she should do with the joint.

In Sep 2007, Amy came home from work and said she was going to have to go to Owensboro on Tuesday to make nice with an agent there. Stated someone named Michelle (From home office) was driving to event in Louisville Monday afternoon and then would drive to Owensboro after event. Amy said she could ride with Michelle (Amy wasn’t sure of last name) or she could get up very early and drive herself and that it was my decision. I told her to go ahead and ride with Michelle but to let me know where she would be staying as she claimed she didn’t know where they were staying yet. At 12:21 P.M on Monday Amy texted me to say they would be staying at the Hampton Inn in Owensboro.

i. At 4:21 P.M. Amy called to say she had just gotten to Louisville office
ii. At 8:16 P.M. she texted to say was pulling into Owensboro
iii. At 8:34 a.m. on Tuesday she called to check in
iv. At 3:50 P.M. she texted to say leaving Owensboro
v. 6:33 P.M. called to say was in her car and heading to home

o I had called the Hampton Inn in the early evening and they had no reservations for Amy.

o A receipt in her briefcase was for Homewood Suites on Hurstbourne Trace in Louisville with a check-in time of 3:19 P.M. on Monday.

In Nov during the night Amy got up and got out a heating pad. The next morning she said she had the cramps and starting wearing pads. The next day Nov. 12 @ 1:00 P.M. she texted me and said was on way to Bowling Green due to a surprise inspection by State officials at a brokers office there. That night, when she got home, (had called to say leaving B.G. at 6:13 P.M.) she said the reason she had to go was because Kevin was on a trip to Nashville with his wife and thus it was up to her to be there. Our debit card showed she got gas on Versailles Rd as she was leaving town. In her purse was a receipt for gas purchased at Daily’s on 1st & College in B.G. The gas was purchased at 3:19 P.M and was for 21 gallons of gas for a total price of $65.00. When I asked Amy about this she said K.C. drove up from Nashville to meet her at the agent’s office.

Jan 2008 Amy came home and said she & Kevin had training in Cincinnati at the Westin Hotel on Monday & Tuesday and said she would come home and drive back if I wanted her to. I told her to go ahead and stay overnight. A few minutes later I went outside to smoke and she went to the bedroom to change cloths. When I looked in our bedroom window she was feverously typing a message into her cell phone. When I asked her about who/what she was typing she claimed she didn’t remember typing anything into her phone. I asked her to prove it by showing me her text log and she refused. Finally, after I had been outside a couple of times smoking (about 1.45 hours) she stated she was showing me her text log “against my best judgment”. Log showed my name & a friends name on 1/13. I didn’t show any of the times I had texted her or she me between 1/13 – 1/25. She also only held it out for me. Would not let me touch it.

o Jan 28, 2008 I called the Westin Hotel. They had no record of any type of Training or groups under their companies name. They also had no record of a reservation for a K.C. and only one room under the name my wife.

July 30, 2008 - Amy gone to Belterra Casino for Mgr’s Retreat. Will be there today (Monday), Tuesday & Wednesday. At 12:52 P.M. I receive a text message she sent to me by mistake “I love you Kc!!!”

I had hidden a DVR in the lining of my wifes suitcase so when she returned I listened to it. Here's the results......

o July 31, 2008 I listened to recording of Amy & Kevin talk on phone while driving to Belterra. They ended with each other saying “I love you”. I also listened to them screw in Amy’s room after they got done with golf tourney. (When she sent text message by mistake)

o When I confronted Amy about it she denied until she realized I knew too many details. She then said they had been having an affair for about 9 months. She claimed they had only screwed a few times. I commented they seemed to have the routine down to an art form the way it went like clockwork and it was very obvious it was a common occurrence. She later claimed had screwed 9 – 10 times.

o October 1, 2008 I had gotten recording filtered to allow me to hear everything better. Among new things I can hear is Kevin asking Amy how her night was. She replied “alright.” He asked “get [censored]” (Amy) “No [censored]” (K.C.) “You should get that toy out for him. (Names a co-worker) says it can make your night! Just put it on the counter and tell him to have fun!”. (Amy) I don’t know about that”. Later he talked about trying to go out the night before and “pick up some stuff at CVS” but Hager & his dad insisted on going with him. During the drive he stopped at a grocery store to see if they had it then called Amy back to say they didn’t. She offered to turn around and go back to Crittenden and get it and she did. When faced about it she admitted it was lubricant and that K.C. would pick it up unless they were riding together. Another new item I heard was how K.C. had to sneak alcohol out for the trip. He hid it in empty shoe boxes. He also told Amy she needed to talk to the staff and ensure they never told anyone when he & Amy were out together. He said if Lisa knew they were somewhere together he wouldn’t have a place to sleep. Another new item was the fact that when he came to Amy’s room at the hotel he let himself in with a room key!

Time to lawyer up. You have been going doormat long enough.

WmT, I know how helpful it is to share what you have been through, but I'm not clear if you are asking something from this forum. Its pretty clear that your WW is having an affair -- are you trying to gather enough evidence to confront her or to take to a lawyer?
I'm so sorry that you are going through this -- no one deserves this! I hope you get a chance to read through the basic concepts and some of the threads here to perhaps give you an idea of what do you want to do now that you know your WW has made such a hurtful choice.
Bestfriend439

You may want to edit out names and specific places from your original post - just to be safe.

WW = your wife
OM = other man

WmT:

You don't have to start a new thread. You can post on the original thread so that it's all together.

You stated in your first post that your WW is soon to be X-Wife.

So, this is some interesting reading.

Why did you put up with it for so long?

LG

Alright, what is the bottom line? Where does this stand now?

I don't know what was more painful....reading this and watching the dates keep passing by after each event or the times when she asked you if she should drive with someone else or stay over night and you said OK say overnight.

Tell the other mans wife....expose higher up in the company....and then expose to her family if she doesn't stop immediately. You can bet everytime she went to a conference or training she was with him. Compare dates with his wife.

Is this still going on??? October 2008???

You might be able to use that tape to get him fired also!!!

Dude,

Sooo how did the therapy go, I mean your laying out the whole story. Do you feel better?

Like LG says, interesting reading.

I can't imagine even continuing your "normal" relationship after the FAMILY RESTROOM FIASCO. You caught them "with their pants down" and seem to have woosed out on that. AND the plick was yelling at you for upsetting his daughter. UNBELIEVABLE!

Anyway...we have taken pity on you and feel for you, because we BS's have been there too and empathize.

But you did say "soon to be X wife" so there is no way you are trying to recover your M?

So like I said above...hope you feel better. And good luck to you.

kirk

Everyone,

My reason for posting this story was as a means of therapy. As all of you know talking about something is always good for the soul and mind. Thus I decided to use this forum to get everything out of my system. And as some of you noted I've let it go way too long. The only responce I have to that is I felt I had to have definate proof which I got in August. Since then we have gone to couples counseling where I feel we have wasted our time. She claims she wants to work it out but in the 3 1/2 months since admitting the affair she has lied to my face three times that I know of. When she refused to quit her job I insisted she let me know whenever she was anywhere, outside the office, where he would be. I also told her she must always have some of her staff with her in these situations. Three different times that I know of she has failed to tell me about being out with him even though she did have staff with her and has then lied to me about it when I asked. We both know its over but we're just spinning our wheels for now. I've told her parents I'm getting a divorce. I'm just waiting to save alittle money at this time.
I'm still on the fence about telling his wife. I'll make a decision about that soon.

Thanks for all of the advise! I hope each and everyone of you have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Why Wmt? Exposing the affair can have the effect of killing it. If you exposed to her and to Human Resources, it might kill the affair or at the least, hasten its death. By not telling you are essentially ENABLING the affair because affairs thrive on secrecy. They are free to carry it on as long as you help them keep their secret.

Exposure RUINS the fantasy aspect of affairs. Why are you using the most effective tool in your ars*nal? It could be the very thing that saves your marriage.

Everything you have done thus far is a complete waste of time. We could have told you that going to marriage counseling with a person who is in an affair is a waste of time. We could have told you that trying to exact "promises" from a liar is a waste of time. We could have told you that "honesty" and "accountability" while still in contact is a wsste of time because no amount of honesty and accountability can overcome the trigger of seeing her OM.

Do you want to do something EFFECTIVE for a change? Your marriage might very well be salvagable if you stop spinning your wheels. There are no easy answers, but the things you have done so far are certain to be a waste of time.

Will you let us help you? We have been there, done that, and many of us have saved our marriages.

Marriage counseling does not work when the affair is still on. It's a waste of time, money, and only causes the BH to get his hopes crushed.

The affair can not end unless there is NC, no contact.

Exposure to the OMW and work is the only chance you have to kill this affair. With the OMW in the know she can keep tabs on her end to make sure OM can't play with your WW. Also being the OM is her superior, the potential for a lawsuit will most likely for the Company to take steps to end this affair at work.

You were right in wanting your WW to leave that job to get her away from the OM to establish NC between them.

So why are you afraid to use all the resources you can to end here affair? Do not be the BH that comes here only to cry, to get stroked by being told what you are doing is the best course of action. Instead do what the experienced people here have seen work at giving you the best chance.

WmT.

""When she refused to quit her job""

This is the KEY phrase that is showing her true focus and desire. There will be no "working it out" while she is still working under the boss! (sorry, could not resist)

""She claims she wants to work it out but in the 3 1/2 months since admitting the affair she has lied to my face three times that I know of.""

THAT YOU KNOW OF!! Do not believe a single word that comes out of her mouth. If she says it is sunny outside, take an umbrella.

You may have one chance on saving the M, if you wish to, and that is to EXPOSE TO THE BOSS'S WIFE AND HR!!! And you don't think OM's wife might have some apprehension since the "Family Bathroom Fiasco"?

Even if you don't want to save the M, you must still let boss's wife know what a low life pond scum she is married to...if she doesn't know already.

What the heck is the downside that you are afraid of? What could happen that is worse than you are experiencing.

Unless you think the boss is going to come after you. And if that's the case send him an invoice for your wife's "services rendered"!!

IMHO

kirk

WmT:

I thought that this was interesting:


You told HER PARENTS that you are getting a divorce? Have you told HER? And your trying to save money?

Divorce is expensive. That's true. But fighting for your Marriage may be ALOT less expensive.

Your first post sounded like your M was over and done. Just waiting on the final decree.

You haven't even filed yet, have you?

Then you just might have a chance at this.

Are you ready for THAT fight?

LG

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