Beginning to see some signs of craziness and desperation. She seems to be trying to integrate herself into our family even more than the kid.

What has your experience been?

Hi There! I'm not quite sure what you are asking, but I'd like to help if I could. What is OW actually doing? What is H take on the situation?

She is calling all the time for no reason, asking what he is doing,asking if we can keep the baby longer. Trying to tell him how rough she has it. Just anything to connect I guess. Did you go thru something similar, and if so how did you deal with it. He pretty much said if it continues he is going with NC.

The mother of my stepson does this but she does it for sympathy so we feel bad she has a child on her own full time so we'll look after him longer to 'give her a break' - funny i'd like fully paid break every fortnight and for weeks at a time.

With your OW sounds like she is making sure she's 'involved' so you can't ignore her and using the baby as an excuse to keep in your life. My guess is now you're moving on as a family her life is pretty empty. I think you just need to set guidelines like when you have the OC she can ring to ask how the child is but your not interested in anything but the child and when the mother has he OC your parter has set days when he will ring to talk to her but again only about the child.

The OW in our life just used to give me abuse so it could be worse but like you I wouldn't be comfortable with her trying to get you involved in her life.

She made her bed, laid down and did the dirty in it, now she can live with it.

L x

I'm really not having a problem with OW. About a month after I found out about OC, I got into H phone records and called her.

She acted like a total a-hole, but at the same time, she then realized that H had been lying to her about his relationship with me. H told her we were divorced. That's why she said "it was none of my business about the baby, her and my ex-husband!

WHat???!! I told her we were never divorced and that he had been living with me and the kids for the past year (all through her pregnancy) Granted, he had been working out of town during the week, but was still coming home to us on the weekends.

Of course she called him right away and sent many nasty text messages to him. Including one that said she wished he was dead.

She told him that she wanted nothing more to do with him and that he couldn't see OC. What I don't understand is that she has mostly had sexual relationships with women (know this for a fact)
So why is she so upset that H is still with me?

She told him that I acted like a Psycho on the phone-absolutely NOT TRUE!!

H was angry with me because he says that because of me, he can't see his baby. I told him it was his own fault, and that he was just mad that he got caught lying to both of us for two years.

I can't be absolutely positive that he isn't seeing her or OC. But he used to hide his phone at night, and now he doesn't do that anymore. However I am a bit suspicious, because sometimes he will come home from work about an hour and a half late, with some stupid excuse as to why. I think he may be going ther to see the baby.

Our relationship is still very shaky. I don't know if I want to end my marriage or not. Until I make that decision, I will not try to figure out what he is doing. If I catch him in the act, I will have to make the decision to leave him then and there. I will not find out that he is still lying and continue to stay with him. If I go to OW house and find him there, I wil have to ask for a divorce then and there.

I refuse to be made a fool of twice. Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.

When he isn't home on time, I don't even bother to call anymore. When he comes in I don't even ask him where he's been. Right now, the least interest I show, the better upper hand I will have.

He usually calls and says that he's on his way home and that he was doing such and such. I just say "OK" and don't even ask any questions. I have such mixed emotions right now, that I'm not sure why I'm even acting this way. On one hand, I think the least interest I show, the harder he'll try. On the other hand, think I am fed up and just don't care anymore. Could be a little bit of both. I don't even know if I love him anymore.

psychotic, OW who try to maintain the A relationship with the FWH come up with lots of reasons to continue to interfere in your M. They act like they are an XW and then some. They were allowed into the privacy of your M by your WH. They still feel entitled, especially now that its in the open to still share your FWH. They still believe that he is supposed to come running and take care of them, and since you know about them now they can misbehave whenever they want.

The best way to deal with them if you are going to maintain C, is as a team. Full disclosure of every communication from FWH to you, No private conversation or interactions, you are trying to heal and rebuild your M. C with OW does not help this. Some of the OW are so much trouble that you decide to go NC with the OC as well. You have to be a team united against their intrusion into your life and M. They will stress you and wreak havoc whenever and however they can.

Good luck

Fled

GREAT post, FTS!

well right now, we (i think) are not having contact with OW or OC. I said I had my suspicions about him maybe seeing OC behind my back. But 95% of the time H is where he says he is, so he can't be having much of a relationship with her, I just don't see there being enough time for it.

The fact that H is still somewhat angry at me because I called and now she won't let him see the OC, I think is true. If he was seeing OC on a regular basis, his anger would have dissipated by now. We are not fighting about in on a regular basis, but when we do argue I'm always the one that says well you went and had a baby with someone else you put us in ths situation. He always yells back "and because of you I can't even se my own child"

Yeah? Tough S**T! I think if he was seeing OC then he wouldn't be using that line all the time. ANd frankly, it's getting boring to listen to. It doesn't even phase me anymore. I listen with a deaf ear and walk away. I feel no pity for him at all. And I really couldn't care less about OW. I have seen a picture of her............Yuck, and I'm not just saying that. SHe does look like a total lesbian, not pretty at all, no make-up, Chubby.

I am the complete opposite. I don't want to sound conceited here, but I began taking dance lessons when I was three, and not to give out TMI........I have been in 3 music videos,including one with J.T. I got paid very well, and you can't be an ugly fat butchy women to be on MTV.

I know this probably sounds like BS because I haven't mentioned it until now (there was no need to bring it up) But I swear to GOD it's true. That's why I am so perplexed why he would pick someone like her.

LOL, Yeah I'm really not surprised. The OW in my situation is big as all out doors, and her face is a mess. I was floored when I saw her for the the first time. I kinda felt sorry for him. He has to claim that big B I T C H as the mother of his child. He claimed that she did'nt look like that before the baby but I seriously doubt it. Funny what a man will do, if I was gonna cheat I'd upgrade. I guess men just hit the first thing that says yes.

Dealen-de, I have a question for you a little off topic. I was watching House Hunters on HGTV the other night/ The people were in Hawaii looking for a new home and one of the things they wanted was an "ohana" What's that? I'm assuming it's like a guest house for family and friends. You say it means Family.

Which is it? or is it both?

I saw that same program - and understood that it is a guest house - nice one, huh?

Yeah, I'll say. Well, their budget was a million bucks! Can you imagine? Let's just pick up and go to Hawaii, buy a house and do nothing all day! I'd like to magically trade places-wouldn't you?

Yes, must be nice. That is why I like the more down to earth episodes, where they are looking at average priced homes. I can relate to that better.