Well, plan B is now officially underway.

I knew that my WW was still in contact with the OM, so I followed her to work yesterday. Around lunch time, I saw WW and OM leave their building separately and drive away in their own cars. I followed OM and found that they were meeting for lunch. I waited for them to go inside and sit down before walking in. I walked in, sat down next to my wife and told the OM to stay away from my wife, forever, to me a man and be there for his kids and wife who need him, to figure out a way for my wife for finish her residency without any interaction with him and without discrediting her or embarrassing her (i know this is impossible if they both still work there, but i said it to scare him), and that despite what has happened that I still love my wife and that I wouldn't sit by and wait while he tries to destroy my marriage, or his. The whole time i was talking he tried repeatedly to get up and leave, but i made stay a hear everything.

When WW came home last night, we had a short talk, and i handed her a letter that explained everything i was feeling and needed from her to go any further with trying to recover our marriage. It all comes down to her choosing me or her job pretty much. Then I suggested that it would be better if she had some time and space to really think about what she wants and that she should spend a couple nights in a hotel. She packed up her stuff and left.

Now, i guess i am just waiting to hear from her...

Did you work a Plan A? Sorry if I've missed an earlier thread...

Whoops - found it, and remember reading it now. Skip previous question - are you working a completely "dark" Plan B? Have you heard back from her?

If she hasn't climbed back on board after that last few days then expose to his wife about their last meeeting!!!

What are the conditions for her return? Did you give her the path back in your letter? What you can expect is that she will try to come back without meeting your conditions. She will first try to see if she can get YOU to adjust to her, rather than her having to make any changes. She will try and negotiate away your conditions.

The way to avoid this is to NEVER negotiate. If she calls and wants to "talk" simply ask her: have you left your job and ended all contact with the OM? The answer is either yes or no. If she says NO, then say, "let me know when that happens." CLICK! end of conversation.

You have to repeatedly beat her over the head with that talking point and refuse to discuss anything with her until she has ended contact. There can't be any "I will TRY" or "in 6 months..." or " the OM has agreed to stay in the west wing of the blah, blah, blah..."

Also, did you CALL the OM's wife and tell her about this? And have you exposed at the university??

fyi, the purpose of Plan B is to protect you from her abuse, not to kick her out and manipulate her into compliance. It may be that this was the right thing to do at this time for you, but it does take much longer than a couple of days in a hotel. Plan B is a bona fide separation that can last up to 2 years.

Telling the OM to stay away when your WW will keep doing him is pointless.

Telling the OM to take care of his on family is point less. If he was a man would not be having an affair.

Telling your WW to go to a hotel only made it very easy and very likely for your WW and OM to be going at. Shear brilliance. You made it possible for them to decide to end their affair because their getting too tired from not enough sleep from all this extra time for SF that you were so kind to provide. Wise on your part to let their w(hor(e)mones to burn themselves out. Don't you think?

The point that you have missed is you must tell the OMW.

All you did was whine sanctimoniously to the OM. You made yourself appear weak to him and your WW.

Be strong, expose OMW, and Human Resources at work.

You are placing everything ahead of the marriage. Maybe it will be better for your marriage to end. You place more importance on OM and WW keeping their jobs. Then you are in keeping your marriage and WW.