Round of emails for da girls - on the house!

Love it!!

Priceless!!

Am I not turt-ley enough to be a member of the turtle club?

Turtle,
Turtle!

(TJ - BTW: I have a red-eared slider here at work, and two musks @ home. The slider is Fred (Ginger passed), and the musks are Desi and Lucy)

I'm back, had to do some errands. For all those following along or lurking, just know that I already feel 100X better having the strong mediators, although I am fighting the urge(LOL) to freak out knowing how H reacts.

I guess I'm going off of previous history and that's why I'm freaking out. I think his occasional outburst have always held me captive. Even his moodiness I think kept me captive to a degree since I just wanted him to be happy and although we had many many happy and funny moments there was always this underlying thing where he almost couldn't be happy, ya know what I mean?

Anyways if your here and you've been posting for a while, here is my recommendation. Do not use family or friends for mediators.

I can now totally see the difference having Pep, Neak, and Kimmy, doing this. Man its efficient and even though I am still wanting to freak I would have to say it has taken some of the edge off, not a lot yet, but I definitely feel comforted knowing experienced people are in place. I obviously know that not everyone he can do this and i am blessed for this that's for sure but {{whew}} don't use friends or family if at all possible.

Hey guys should get a crew of different MB vets all over and have a thread for those who want to be IM's that way when people are getting ready for Plan B they can check out or get referred to the thread. Obviously they need to be experienced and probably know SAA inside and out. IDK just and idea.....

You are in good hands with da GIRLS.

Now -- stop thinking and wondering about WH.
No more about him! Darkness needs to happen in your head too!
(I know easier said than done, but you gotta try...)

What are you doing for YOU today???

I know man you are so right!!!! It's hard after almost 7 months being consumed with thoughts of it all....Marriage, OW, kids, finances, whats he doing all of it! Its like you have mentally do a shift. I am trying to shift.

I am now cleaning up, and gonna go to church later for mid week.

Cleaning is therapeutic when it needs to be. LOL

Then you're welcome at my house anytime.

I don't think it hurts to be prepared in case he tries to break PB in person.

When there is visitation, have the kids ready and send them out the door before he can get out of the car. If you have any problems, find a friend that can make the exchange for you.

When there is not visitation, don't open the door.

Should he "bump" into you out and about, above all be polite. If it's not possible to dodge him entirely, go ahead and acknowledge him briefly and distantly, and move on.

(BTW, this is based on what SH told my friend when there were going to be several unavoidable meetings with the WS during PB. No flirting or anything like that, because you don't want to meet needs, just treat him as you would a stranger you had just met. That way you don't undo the good effects of your Plan A, and you also don't undo the effects of your PB, either, maybe just a small hit that's better the the alternative of being rude.)

And you can always call a friend really quick for moral support if you need it.

I don't tell you this to worry you, and hopefully you'll never need to think about it again. But I would hate to see him show up, and you feel upset and panicked because you don't know what to do.

So just relax: no matter what comes along, you have a plan.

Thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you guys!

That's good information cuz i really didn't know what to do. I am going to have DS10 ready at 3PM-that's should he decide to show. He may be way to mad to even come we'll see.

I have a plan....or least I'm finna trying to follow one! Not really much for me to do now you guys are all doing it. {{{whew}}}....

As expected, he did not come to visit DS10. DS10 was a little disappointed as dad mentioned he wanted to visit yesterday when he was in the general area. I told DS10 don't worry, he loves you and is probably still a little upset with me about not wanting to talk to him right now. That's the hard part of all of this. The stinking damage it does to the kids.

DS10 tells me last night that Dad doesn't love me because he would be here and he wouldn't have left us. I have reassured him from the start of this that no of this is his fault. I told him this has nothing to do with you daddy loves you a lot. This is a mom and dad problem not a dad and DS10 problem.

I guess after a week or two of this I am hoping H will go along with Plan B or come home, of course I am ready for the long haul.
Gotta go get ready to lead worship tonight, glad I have something to do for me and DS10. DD17 is babysitting for the evening, but I don't worry about her so much. She wants me to dump dad, and divorce him so our lives aren't rotating around him. Guess that's where Plan B will help us all.

Back later......

It's going to settle down one way or another before too long.

Communication may wind up being lopsided, but that's fine. His choice.

So glad you got that over with for today; one less thing to think about. Stay the course - ya doin good!

What communication?

Child-related messages to and from you and him, via the mediators. Nothing you have to worry about, and if you send a msg and don't get a response, not your problemo.

End of day 4! No contact still secure. H has not tried to break my no contact so that's good.

Trying to stay busy. Might take a salsa class tonight if I can get DD17 to pick up DS10 from football practice and watch him for a few.

Have moments of too much thinking about H, but quickly try to switch my thoughts and stay busy.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is in a week! Don't feel horrible that H might not be there, at least right now. Think the kids and I are gonna do some fun stuff. Think I might sit down with them and plan out what we all want to do that day.

Off to bed....I'm pooped!

OT - does your son like mazes?

One of my biggers does and he is around your son's age.

I found these online - boy are they a mind twister:

aMAZEing art

I'm working on the statue of Zeus and am about halfway done.

Leo and I sit and do them together.

It's one of the few things he WILL sit still for (seein how he is another Dervish).

Just checking in...quiet so far today. Feeling okay.

Today is the 1st day of home school with DS10. He has begged me for years to home school but I just never felt right about it since social skills are very important to me. But I felt finally like it would be an okay time. Socially he is great. With all that he has been through because of the A and his dad leaving and moving in with OW, I think he just needs this right now. The curriculum is Christian based so that's really great!

DS10 seems to have a little bit of set backs again with H being suddenly gone. DS10 seemed much more confident and settled having H around the 4 days a week during Plan A. He had slept in his bed for almost 3 weeks and now the last several days have been back in my bed again. Going to try to at least get him to sleep in his bed several nights a week to keep the progress of him conquering his anxiety brought on by all this.

But today we're all doing okay. We're planning what we want to do on Thanksgiving. So far we're gonna have a baking party the night before Thanksgiving and make a bunch of goodies. So far we've decided on buckeye balls, peanut butter cookies and rice crispy treats. On Thanksgiving day we've decided to decorate the tree, inside the house and outside the house, take the doggies behind the house for a walk(my back yard is against a park), possibly go to the movies, play board games, and rent classic Christmas movies we've never seen and watch them while we pile lots of blankets and pillows up on the floor to make a snugly spot for us.

I want to have the best time on Thanksgiving with the kids they deserve it. If I am upset I will save it for my shower time. At night before I go to sleep I try and see myself having fun and enjoying the day, guess what it helps and I start to actually feel excited about it. I know life is big and I want to fight to not have my joy hinge on whether or not H is here...plus who wants to share Thanksgiving with someone who lives in Fogaria, eats fog cake and turkey ramen, dresses in linens of fog....No thanks I think I can have more fun with out it....Anyways off to help DS10 with school. I hear his teacher rocks! LOL

Thanks guys!

I know I'm a fan!

Me too!