Oh, nams, I'm fine. I'm not suicidal or anything. I figure in 40 years I'll be 81. That's a fine age to peg out. Of course, God may see fit to take me earlier, or leave me around. Earlier probably wouldn't be good. I need to be here for my girls.

You are dern right they were wrong. As wonderful as Bill Harley's methods are, if a spouse is mentally ill or too selfish to try, a normal person can kill him/herself trying meet a bottomless pit of needs.

My prayers are with you, GG...

Thanks, Aslan.

I'm happy to hear that, GG. You're too precious to go any time soon. I had to check. You know how sometimes people will quietly drop hints and loved ones will say 'oh my God, how did we miss that?' I didn't want that to be the case here.

I know. I'm grieving terribly, but life is good. I know this. The pain is terrible, but it too is a gift from God. I'm just grateful that the physical shock is over. I'm not shaking, freezing and hysterical any more.

GG - Just wanted you to know that I'm following along and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. There are some here who aren't posting, I imagine, but we're here, and we're hurting for you.

Here is something to think about, GG...Why do you suppose Mike came into your life? There has to have been a reason.

a friend of mine's dad died the exact same way, shower in the morning . . . turned out to be a blood clot let go in his leg and lodged in his lungs, blocking the artery. . . he had stopped taking blood thinning medication because he hated being attached to the pills. . .

without much medical history, these events are called natural causes. .

gg, because you know the difference, you will find another, just give yourself time to recover, and focus on yourself for awhile. .

i was very sad when i heard your news. . my eyes leaked for quite awhile.

wiftty

Soolee, Mike was a gift on loan from God. I don't know why God needed him so badly, but he did. I don't know if there was a reason why he came into my life other than love. I tend to think love was the real reason.

Wiftty, I don't want another. I want Mike. (I'm having a bit of a temper tantrum, because he isn't here, and like a 2 year old, I want him NOW!) Plus, do you remember the conversation we had years ago about the odds of finding a suitable mate as we age??? I remember it well. Thanks for having leaky eyes. You were one of the first to post to me way back when.

I am so sad.

You know what I find so hard to deal with? People who feel a certain amount of relish in this event. One is a family member who seems to relish the event as an opportunity to be much more heavily involved in my life. It's as if it's about the family member and not me, the girls, and Mike's family.

I rather suspect my ex is getting just a twinge of secret satisfaction that I've lost M, but that is perhaps human. I ache all over.

Hi GG:


Here's a quote for you:

"Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't." -Richard Bach.

Please continue 2 take care, and know that we're thinking of you and your family during this process.

-ol' 2long

GG,

I want you to know how bad I feel for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I know you will get through this.

Keith

Yes, I know just what you're talking about with people who seem to relish this event. They use it to generate focus on themselves. I have a friend, well, former really, who has some how managed to become a central figure surrounding the death of a dear friend and colleague. His death has become all about her. I wouldn't want to be her. Some people like the "white knight" position too and will use whatever situation they can to be one.

GG -

Do what you have to, to honor Mike's memory and to protect yourself and the girls. If this person is being disrespectful or making it worse for you, perhaps there is someone in the family who could speak for you if you asked them to. Also, remember you can screen your calls and block e-mails easily enough.

Hang in there.

GG,

I have not logged on for months and did for some reason today.
I had to gasp when I read your subject line.

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I know Mike made you so happy. We could hear it thru your writing.

You were blessed to have him and he was taken from you too soon.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

K.

Thank you, Karona. I appreciate it.

Today has been tough. Tonight is tough. I just don't want to think or deal or do anything. The days stretch out empty before me. I know they will fill in time, and right now people are all calling and inviting me to lunch or dinner or an art show of jello (no kidding). I'm going because it's good for me and I know people are trying to help. Nothing helps, of course, except time.

Anyway, thank you all for your posting here. I do count on you.

The days will seem empty for awhile, as your husband is not there. I'm glad you are going out (yes, even to Jello art). It is good not to be isolated right now.

How are your girls holding up?

Anne

Believer, the girls are holding up as well as can be expected. The older one misses Mike, but also is worried about the financial situation. She just got a C- on a math test. She's usually an A student.

The younger one feels like Mike is on a looong business trip. She knows he's not, but she can't wrap her arms around him being gone for good. They miss him a lot. I'm trying to keep the routine as normal as possible.

I just want to know WHY. Why did it happen, and why did God take him NOW???? I know Mike wanted to retire early, in another 10 years, but I don't think this is what he had in mind. I know we'll be reunited in time, but it's a long wait for me. So in the mean time, I have some living to do just as soon as I get through some of this greif.

We are always here for you Anne... keep posting.

Keith

Thinking of you...

Here's what occassionally keeps running through my mind: What do you do when one of your biggest fears comes true? I've always had a horror of someone dying right in front of me. I used to poke Mike in bed to make sure he was still breathing. If he was awake, he say, "I'm still here." Many of my memories are riddled with black irony. Anyway, the shower situation is one I've actually worried about. "What if someone just collapses? What would I do? What if they died right in front of me?"

So, it actually happened. I've lived through on of my worst fears. That is something that is going to affect me, but I'm not sure how yet. I don't think I'll become more fearful, in spite of the fact, that I couldn't save Mike. I may become more daring, tougher. But, also I know my fears are not unreasonable, and that stinks too.

Has anyone else had their worst fear come true? How did it affect you?