I don't have long to write. Prayers please. M died this morning. I found him and tried mouth-to-mouth but it didn't work. We were blissfully happy 3 weeks. Please keep me and the rest of M's family in your prayers.

(((((((((((Greengables)))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear this.
May you and M's family be in God's comfort during this time.

Love,
Ruffled

((((((GreenGables))))))

I am so sorry to hear the news. I will be praying for you and for the rest of his family.

Oh GG -

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My prayers are with you and your family....

(((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Laura

OH LORD!!!!

I'm so sorry!

I am so sorry for your loss.

May God grant you peace.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

You and M's family will be in my thoughts and prayers today and for many days to come.

I'm so sorry. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Oh no. I am so sorry, Greengables. I can't believe it. My prayers go out to you, your girls, and his family. I am just heartbroken for you.

This is so terribly sad - I don't know your history or if your husband had been sick for a while, but you didn't get long enough together. I'm so sorry for your loss. TT

((((Greengables)))) I am so sorry. I am glad that you had the time that you did together. My prayers are with you and M's family.

Take comfort in the memories of loving times you spent together.

Prayers and Hugs to all

You have my most sincere condolences and my ardent prayers.

May G-d grant you and help you to find peace during this most sad time.

I don't know you, but the loss of someone you love hurts so deeply.

You are in my prayers and wishes for the strength to walk through this time.

So very sorry for your loss.

Prayers from my family to yours.

Mr. Wondering

(((((((Greengables)))))))

I am so very sorry to read this. Please take care.

I am so sorry. I am praying all day for you to be able to get thru this. I am angry, very angry, at life for throwing you this difficult curve ball.

So sorry, prayers going up now...

B

GG,
I am lurker since 2002 and you don't know me at all...but I feel as though I know all of you.
So very sorry for your loss, the girls and his family's loss. Take comfort in knowing there are many, many people holding you in their hearts and prayers.
Petunia 11

{{{{{Greengables}}}}} I'm so sorry!

Many thanks everyone. It means a lot to me to know you are there.

Sorry you had to have it happen. We never know when or why.

I cannot even imagine the pain you are feeling. Please know that we are here to hold you up with prayers. You are so lucky to have had three blissful weeks together. They may have been short, but may they carry you through this challenge.

Blessed,
MogiSola

Oh DAMN Anne! I am sooooo sorry to hear that. I haven't been around here much and wasn't even aware that he was ill. Thoughts, hugs and prayers to you and your whole family.

I am so so sorry. My heart aches for you and your family.

(((((Green))))

I am deeply sorry for what has happened. I don't have the word to say anything except you will be in my thoughts and prayers at this terrible time.

CN

Oh no! I am so very sorry. ((hug))

(((((Greengables)))))


"It is strangely reassuring - this suggestion that the pain of that empty space will always be with us. Because while we do want to feel better, we do not want, ever, to forget.

We will, of course, find new places to put the affection and love and time that we used to pour out to the one we lost. Not to do that would be to turn inward, refuse to be vulnerable - a poor memorial, a poor stewardship of the life left to us... What was once loved and cherished is not replaceable." -Martha Whitmore Hickman


May you feel the love and comfort from God in this hour of grief and pain. He knows that pain and He stands ready to uphold you and carry you and grieve with you. I pray that you and your family will feel His loving arms during this time, and forevermore.

God bless and comfort you with His presence.

Thanks, Seabird. He wasn't sick that we know of. Got up, got in the shower, and collapsed dead, seems to be the way it went. The ER doc says "catastrophic event." The coronor's office will let us know more tomorrow or Friday. I found him because he was taking such a long shower. I tried to save him but it didn't work. I think he was already gone.

I miss him so much. He was truly a wonderful good caring man.

What a beautiful thing to have said about you. Anyone would be grateful to be described in those words.

I am so terribly sorry. I wish I could say more - could make it all go away - could give him back to you. Instead, all I can do is offer a simple expression of regret and compassion.

GG,

I am so sorry for your loss.

{{{{{GG}}}}}

Mark

I see. Noticed that you're off of Facebook so I'll continue to check in here to see how you're doing. You should still have my email too if you'd like to correspond - if not, let me know and I'll send it to you. I don't want to pry either and I want to respect any wishes you have to grieve in private. Whatever you want... Wish there was more I could offer.

A--

I am so very very sorry to hear this. I don't post anymore, but I still read daily. I have kept up with your story, and was so glad that you found happiness again after all you had been through. There is nothing to say to ease the pain, just know that everyone, including me, has you in their thoughts and prayers.

{{{{{{{GG}}}}}}}}}}

Martes

Greengables...

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss...I've held you close in thought all day today and have lifted you up in prayer...May God bless and comfort you during this very difficult time...

Mrs. W

I am so sorry! Why does this have to happen?

My D18's godfather died last week the same way. He was a great man, too.

I said out loud, 'why do the good people have to go first?' and D18 replied, 'They die first so that the others can see their great example, and learn from them.'

I'd like to believe that.

I'm so sorry sweetie! ((((((GreenGables))))))

Green...

Sometimes I think there's got to be a reason when good people go like this. Their passing is never in vain. He will never suffer a long, drawn-out illness before he passes now. He'll never suffer losing you, my dear, and I know that is no comfort right now, but someday perhaps you can look back and see the balm in that, the loving sacrifice. Your last gift to him, so to speak.

And I am sure there are many of us touched by your story who will hold our spouses closer now, physically and emotionally, knowing how lucky we are and how very important it is to keep striving for joy and fulfillment with our husbands and wives, never to take them for granted and to realize how easily things like this can happen, and to be grateful for every single minute, every new day with our spouses.

May God grant you his peace and strength now and in the coming days and weeks. You've been heavily in my thoughts all day.

OMG GG I'm stunned. I'm so sorry. Holding you close in prayer

Many prayers going up for you and your family. I'm so sorry. Lean on us during this awful time.

I am so sorry. May God be especially close to you during this sad time.

Oh, GG, I'm so sorry to read this. I'm sorry for the pain and confusion you, your girls, and M's family must be feeling right now. Please know my thoughts are with you.

Oh, I am so sorry. It is shocking and unfair.

GG, I am so very sorry for your loss!!

May you keep the hope close to your heart that you will see him again in heaven!

May the Lord bless and keep you in His loving care and grace till that time comes!

Dawn

Greengables, my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Greengables, I am so sorry for your loss. You and yr family will be in my prayers...so sorry..

Thank you all. Today is worse in some ways. I'm just so filled with grief.

We were such a good team together. I just know I could get through this so much easier if he were here. I dreamt of him last night. I asked him how long he was going to stay. He said "As long as it takes." I replied "As long as it takes for what?" "To make this permanent." I'm not sure what he meant. I think he meant for me to start living on my own all over again.

They say divorce is like death. I think it may be for those who are still in love with their spouses when the divorce occurs. For me, there is no comparison. My love for B was gone long before I was. M and I were still solidly in the honeymoon period and had been since we started dating. I love him so much and it feels as if my heart has been ripped apart.

I was counting the weeks we were married. Look how well we're doing!! On Saturday, we'll have the funeral at the church where 4 weeks earlier we were married.

Did I mention how M almost cried during the marriage ceremony? I wish we had had longer together.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Greengables}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry. Please lean on God and friends right now. The love your husband showed you will last a lifetime. You WILL see him again.

I'm so sorry I just don't know what to say.

Please don't become bitter like me, it has eaten my soul and you are far too good for that.

Anne, I just realized that I haven't asked what I could do for you. If you need phone calls made, e-mails sent, someone to call and say they care, let me know....cinderella4mb at yahoo.com

So very sorry for your loss, GG. I cannot begin to imagine your loss... and words seem futile.

Oh no.

Please know that our thoughts will be with you.

-ol' 2long

I've been thinking about you all day, Anne of Greengables.

I can't say enough how sorry I am. I'm sorry your time together was cut so short. It's so unfair.

How old was he GG? Still so stunned.

Holding you close

Anne,

I can't quit thinking about you also. I just can't imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you.

HUGS!
Ronda

Thank you all so much. M had just turned 47. His birthday was the day before our wedding. He figured that way he could remember our anniversary.

Actually I think it just fit into his travel schedule. He loved to go to Europe in October for his birthday.

Today is a very rough day. I actually howled with pain alone in the car. Close to hyperventalating several times. I miss him so much. I need him here with me so much.

Do you have friends/family with you?

Do any of your MB friends live nearby?

-ol' 2long

(((((Greengables)))))

Howl away, GG.

It's okay to grieve in whatever way you need to. There will "time enough" to work through the grief process later.

God bless.

I've been blessed with M's family and my own coming and going.

It helps. We're having the service on Saturday.

Thanks, FH. My priest has been here off and on since yesterday. It's a comfort. It's just so hard to pick out readings when we just picked them out for the wedding. I want to do as much as possible myself. I want to take care of my M. We were a team, you know? We were headed in the same direction.

I can't sleep in our bedroom. I do go into the upstairs bath and sit sometimes. I'm overwhelmed with loss, and feeling very sorry for myself and for M. I know he's in a better place, I just hope he can see China from there. We were planning to go in 2010.

I just pray to be reconciled to God's ways. God's way, not mine. Right now, I still just wish God had seen it my way, and left me M.

(((GG)))

Prayers going up from Texas.

Thank you, Pariah. I don't want to become bitter. M was the best thing that ever came into my life. He was strong and good and generous, and wonderful. I can hold on to the three best years of my life, and know that I had them.

I'll need to get used to being alone again. I'm a little scared of the loneliness.

Oh, GG, I have no words. I cannot imagine.

How lucky for him, though, to have found you and known such happiness, and to have gone so quickly.

I am so very, very sorry.

GG,
I am terribly sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers!

I am so sorry for your loss...your pain. 47 seems so young...it must be such a shock to you to have had so much joy just having been married a few weeks ago...and now this loss. Prayers for you and your families.

The words don't exist that can make things OK, but as with many others, I care, and will be praying for you.

SS

May God help you and your loved ones find comfort. I am so sorry for your loss.

GG, it won't make sense to a lot of people, and right now it probably doesn't even make a lot of sense to you since the PAIN of loss is REAL.

But you are not alone. Consider the shortest verse in Scripture; "Jesus wept." He KNOWS.

Have you ever heard of "Footprints?" It's okay to be carried for a while.

None us is promised tomorrow, but for those who know the Lord, Jesus said it directly and clearly, while He was in great pain Himself...."TODAY you WILL be with ME in paradise." THAT is the great hope we all hold, knowing that this life IS temporary, but it is NOT "the end."

May God uphold you in His hand with the comfort that comes from Him who KNOWS the pain of death of loved ones.


God bless.

GG,

I am so sorry for this terrible loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

((((((GG)))))))

AGG

Anne,

I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Keith

Greengables,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I haven't been able to come to this site much in the past year, but when I did I always checked up on you - I've followed your story for years.

My boyfriend died less than two weeks ago. We lived together for 16 of our 19 years together. I'm devastated and have really been struggling with a whole range of emotions. I felt drawn back to the site and saw your post.

I just want to let you know I understand what you are going through and I'm so, so sorry.

Stay close with us. This is a horrible shock, and you will have to get used to being alone again. It is just so much for you to go through. Take deep breaths and lean on us.

BTW...I am an estate planning and probate attorney (albeit, in Michigan). If you have any quick questions or concerns and no one is available to assist you there my email address is below.

I'd be happy to help you out to the extent I can.

Mr. Wondering

*Mrs. W insisted I edit to add that such offer is PRO-BONO. If you aren't in my state I couldn't charge you anyway.

well, that just stinks! I am sorry and i hope you take care of yourself and your girls during this period of grief and recovery. Life does just hang in the balance, and the future is so uncertain.

hugs and support

wiftty

GG - You're not alone. Your H is gone, but you have your daughters and your family and your friends, both in person and out here in the electronic ether. Lean on whomever your need to whenever you need to.

I am so sorry - I haven't been on here in awhile but I am totally shocked and will be thinking about you and your family.... My sincere condolences..

Oh, GG....how tragic. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.

(((Greengables)))

Lori

I'm so sorry for your loss. May God hold you close in His arms.

GG,

Am not sure if you are ready to or not but I would love for you to tell us about M at some point in time here, let us get to know the man that you loved so deeply. When you are ready, you grab that tissue box and sit down and begin and if not all at once, when time permits!!!

Dawn

Dawn, he just died two day ago. She will not be ready to share with us for quite a while. At least I would'nt.

Anne, I wish there was something I could do or say to give you comfort. All I can do is pray that God gives you peace that is like nothing here on earth.

Stellakat- Many people I know find it comforting to talk about their loved one. I am just saying to her that when she is ready we are here and ready to read what it she has written, if that is something that she wants to do.

We are a different group of friends then those that will be attending the funeral tomorrow.

Dawn

Dawn, I will definitely share when my mind and body start working again. I'm not great, and seem to be getting worse. M was wonderful, and living with him was easy. Marrige to him was easy. It was fabulous.

Today's the service. 4 weeks after our marriage ceremony when we held hands so tightly and almost broke down.

Pray God gives me strength to get through this.

GG,

I'm lost for words. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you today and pray for you and your girls, and M's family.

{{{GG}}}

Jo

oh honey!
take care of yourself! prayers sent your way!

I pray that, as you are surrounded by people who loved you and M today, you are able to find a small measure of comfort....

GG,

The Lord will be there with you and for you, just ask that of Him.

I pray that you will allow Our Lord to take the pain and carry you thru this sea of misery. You will find peace and with that many things will come to you!!!

Dawn

GG,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May God bless you and the girls and M's family,

We all shared in your joy when you found M and found happiness.
I regret I didn't log on MB more often.

I pray that you found the strength to make it through the rough day today, and for the many to come.

We were just thinking of you and the girls when we went to get skis yesterday.

If there is anything that I can do, please let me know.

May God hold you and your family in his arms and help you through this difficult itme.

S

Thanks, Newly. I've been meaning to call you, but... and then this happened. I'm lucid now, but this is probably the first time in three days. I'm also looking for a new psychiatrist in case this developes into full-blown depression. Right now, I'm in show and greiving. Greiving is so different from depression. I also have the advantage of age: I know I will survive and life with adjust because it has to.


PS: the service was very nice. Everyone said so. I don't remember much except I did stamp my foot at the casket when I went up to say good-bye before they closed it. I also know they didn't put enough make-up on M. He was too pale. On the other hand, at least he didn't look like he was going to sit up any minute. That would have been unneverving.

Anne, I am so sorry you had to bury your dear, sweet husband today. As the shock wears off, I imagine you will need lots of support. I hope you continue to reach out here, where you will find lots of love and support. I am so very sorry...


Stella, I think many ppl are scared to talk about our loved ones when they die. It is because ppl are KIND and don't want to increase our grief.

However, when my son died, it gave me such great comfort when people talked about my son and asked me questions about him. Teenagers, especially, are very talkative and that was very comforting. What made me uncomfortable was ppl acting like he didn't exist, that was hurtful. [and I know they did not mean it that way!] Everyone is different of course, but I have found this to be the rule rather than the exception.

GG,
I know you will survive and will do what it takes to help you and the girls through this trauma.
You did the work to heal yourself, and to create the life that you wanted, finding love that you always knew was possible.
It was so amazing to hear your progress and see that it was all possible.

For those of us who have been unwilling or unable to open our hearts to the possibility of finding true love, you were a light.
Someone just reminded me of the saying "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

Thank you for sharing your possibility with me and others.

You are capable of so much. So much love, and so much healing of yourself and the girls.

I left a voicemail. Please call if you need anything, or just need a place to get away.

My faith in God has grown through my healing process and I truly believe that he is with you and the girls, and will be by your side.

Sending many prayers your way.

S

Anne --

I am so very sorry. I just caught up with this today.
I'm just so stunned.

Is there any explanation as to the cause?

He was such a young man - and you had such a wonderful future planned.

Words just don't seem sufficient...

((hug))

I'm so sorry.

Thanks, everyone. I cann't right now reply to everyone individually. I'm sure you understand.

Newly, I'll pick up the message, and call you sometime.
Lexxxy, unfortunately, the visual post-mortum was "inconclusive." The Deputy coronor told me that there was nothing anatomically wrong with M. He hadn't had a heart attack, a stroke, or an aneurism. We're waiting on the toxicology and pathology report. However, there's a reasonable chance that nothing will show up. That's what I'm preparing for.

Neak, that's for that scripture. I don't know where I'd be without my faith in God, and the good word.

I join an online grief newsgroup, but I'm not sure how that will work out. You cannot discuss spirituality or religion. How the heck do you talk about death, grieving, and bereavement without talking about spiritual things?

Yesterday afternoon, after the funeral service, I could feel him closer to me. And I hold tight that like Jesus, he has gone ahead to prepare the path. I buried him with his brand-new passport. His old one had just expired, and he got a new one. It seemed fitting that his last great journey would have a new passport. Maybe St. Peter will stamp it.

All that said, my heart is in two. No, that's not quite right. My heart is missing a piece. Everywhere I look I see M.

Thank you all.

GG, this is all so horrible and unexpected there are simply no words that can help. I hope you get all the support that you need and want and that your girls can find their way through. Thankfully you have each other.

When my ex's brother died at 21 years old I remember ex and his parents remarked that no one wanted to talk about their beloved son and brother, probably out of fear of upsetting them. They wanted to talk about him despite the fact they may get upset by the talk. We are all different with different needs when tragic things occur. Please take care of yourself and ask for what you need. I 'm sure you know your cyber friends will do what we can.

Hello GG
I don't know you but please know I join the others in sharing your loss. This is a group a friend posts to, it has many members and lots of discussion. Looking at the list of forums there are different religious groups. Hope it helps.

http://www.widownet.org/wnbb2/

GG, I'm so sorry for your loss, and my prayers are for your comforting.

Anne,

May you find rest, peace and comfort in the arms of Jesus.

(((Greengables)))

So very sorry for your loss GG.

Thanks, everyone.

If you get a chance, there is a wonderful book called the Grief Recovery Workbook. It is an excellent book that many grief groups use. It takes you through all of the grieving.

Grief groups are good too, but I think I would look for one that is through a church.

This isn't going to be easy, but hope you will rely on us to help you.

Good idea, Believer. I think GriefShare is run through churches. There's one in my area.

I went ice skating with my girls yesterday. Mike didn't skate, and this place is where I skated as a child. Plus, the instructors knew and were so kind. Then, there were the small kids who remind us all of the joy of life. When I was thoughtful, I skated slowly, when I was more upset, I skated fast.

Then, the biggest blessing of all probably, I could eat some dinner.

Here in the morning is the worst. M wasn't really around in th morning. He got ready quickly and was out the door with barely a "See ya." I think it's hard because this is when I lost him.

And I'm looking into that widownet that another poster posted. It isn't as active a board as here, so maybe I stick around here.

OMG I'm so sorry GG. I've been away - only just saw this now. (((((GreenGables))))

Anne,
You are in my thoughts and my prayers.

I just looked up the obit. It is heartbreaking.

I hope the girls are helping you through this. Just having their activity and life in your house will keep you going.

You had the courage to pursue love and took the time to learn what it would take to make a happy marriage. I'm so sorry you weren't able to enjoy the life you planned together.

From all the work you've done, I believe you have the strength to heal from this. And it will take time.

Praying for you and the girls.

You will get through this too. It might help to plan some activity in the morning, since mornings are so hard.

Good that you went skating, I think it is important for your girls to continue family activities.

You had M for such a short time that it is heartbreaking. Prayers going up for you.

Hi GG.

It's been awhile since I've been on here and as a newlywed myself, I can feel your heartbreak. If my H was gone, I can't imagine the time I would have. Please know that my thoughts and prayers go to you at this time and that God will comfort you.

Loni

I am sending you a hug.

I am praying for you.

I am hoping there is at least one thing to make you smile today.

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are in my prayers.

Prayers still going up for you and your girls.

It will take a long time for you to feel better. I have a friend that lost a child to leukemia fifty years ago. When I asked her how long it took for her to recover, she told me she still thinks of her daughter almost every day. That is the price of loving someone.

I am very sorry GG. I don't think words can express just how saddened I am to hear this.

I am so, so sorry.

Please pick up a copy of "The Shack" and read it. It helped my SIL when my brother passed away and she sent all of us a copy. She told me she rereads it on the really bad days, and it still helps her.

Hope things are okay and you will check in.

Dear GG,

I have not been on in ages...but every now and then I check old friends to see how they are doing. I am so sorry to hear about your husband....you sounded so happy with him. Sometimes life if really a puzzle...and things happen that have no explanation. I am glad for you that you have had some happy memories. My prayers are with you.

Pat (formally miseryinmissouri and movinoninmo)

Take Care and best regards to you and your family.

Thanks for all your prayers and kind thoughts. While I've looked at online support groups, I feel most comfortable here. I came here looking for answers to save my first marriage. Had the marriage been a marriage the way I understand it now, those answers would have given me the power to save my marriage. Back in 2001-2003 there were decisions to make, action plans to try.

Now, the decision has been made for me, there is nothing I can do but put one foot in front of the other. I'm deeply mourning and so sad. I feel like my love broke up with me. I'd really like to know why M died, but I haven't heard back yet. Last night I got scared that I'd died suddenly like that leaving the girls alone. I trust God that that won't happen, but I was worried. My latest crazy worry is that I'm totally insane and poisoned him without knowing. This is ludicrous as my pastor pointed out, but without an explaination, I clutching at straws. Had the results come back "massive stroke" or "massive coronary" I could comfort myself with the thought that had Mike survived in a diminished physical or mental state, he would have been miserable. After watching his sister died of cancer, he didn't want a long illness. He told me to just shoot him, but make sure he really was sick first! However, we were talking 20-40 years from now. Not NOW!

I cry tears about once or twice a day now, and I haven't wailed like an animal in a while. I just cry and wail on the inside and my abs are held so tight that it must be like doing thousand of sit ups. By the time I go to bed, I ache all over. I can't eat much and when I do, it often doesn't agree.

However, I get up in the morning. I get dressed and take the kids to school. I've mopped the floor and taken the trash out. I'll go to church today, and take the girls to the ice skating rink. I went to the movies with my friend and our kids last night. Unfortunately, High School Musical 3 is all about love with lots of songs that let people think. I won't do that again soon. So there we are. Life must be lived.

Hi GG,

I'm sorry no words can make you feel better. What a lonely process, even with support, you must be going through. One step, one step...I hope you get an answer about the cause of Mike's death and that it will give you comfort.

How terrible you're having thoughts of responsibility. Of course, as your pastor pointed out they are "ludicrous", but our minds work in unpredictable and often disturbing ways. Likely the thoughts are all part of a process which will bring you to a better place.

You can be proud of your daily efforts of getting on with the mundane and the duties with your girls.

((((GG and girls))))

Thanks, Nams. I also wonder: What if we hadn't had steak? What if, what if, what if? Since I don't even know WHY, my little "what if" game goes to ridiculous places.

Science is imperfect...look at SIDS babies.

Do not torture yourself with the "whys." Marvel in the blessings that your husband was to you for the short amount of time that you two were together.

Find a way to honor his memory every single day and he will never be gone. The sting of death is temporary. Grieve....it is necessary...but NEVER forget that you grieve because you were blessed with a wonderful man.

My neighbor lost their 18 year old son in a car crash. After the mother got through the grieving (I do know she will have some pain forever) she said to me..."I would rather have had my son for 18 years, than any other child for a lifetime."

I know this is cliche...and I hope you will forgive my using it...but live like you know your husband would want you too. He wants you to be happy...do all the things that you two had planned. I believe if you do this, he will be by your side and in your heart.

Let go of the things we don't understand. Hold on to that which is most dear to you. You loved with all of your heart. Now live with the knowledge that you are a child of God and will one day see your husband again.

I'm glad you checked in GG. I hope you get some solid answers from the coroners office soon. It seems understandable, in your grief, how your mind is all over the place trying to find a rhyme or reason as to why he died. Just try to be kind to yourself. Hopefully the tox report will provide some answers.....

Thinking of you often

Medoc, that's good advice...

Mike would want me to be happy, eventually. I know he wants me to go on with life, but not necessarily to get over him. Besides, how do you get over the love of your life? I know, based on Dr. Harley's principles, it is possible to love again, but ... the likelihood is I'll be a widow for the next 40 years. And I've already decided, I'm not waiting more than 40 years to see him again. (Hoping the Lord and I see eye-to-eye on this one. Unfortunately, His ways are not my ways.)

DW, thanks for your thoughts. I'm doing my best.

Church is so hard. I see M at our wedding and then again in the casket.

On another note, I'm staying away from the EN board because I'm so afraid I'll tell a disgruntled spouse that life is too short to put up with a so-called spouse who isn't willing to help make marriage and life wonderful. There were plenty of people at MB who told me that marriage wouldn't be any better with anyone else. They were wrong. I worked on myself, and when I met a fabulous man who was willing to "make adjustments," I was worthy of his effort and love. Mike wasn't perfect, and there were plenty of times I almost called the relationship off in spite of loving him. But, we worked through it together. We were a team. Everyone should be part of a team.

Still here praying for you.

While reading your posts, I was struck with something. Mike was SO lucky to have you for his last moments on earth. I can say, with absolute certainty, that he felt blessed.

Loni

GG, I'm a little concerned about the following words:

"And I've already decided, I'm not waiting more than 40 years to see him again. (Hoping the Lord and I see eye-to-eye on this one. Unfortunately, His ways are not my ways.)"

Can you clear this up please? I don't want to cause you any stress, but can you understand my concern?

GG - Your thoughts about poisoning him accidentally are very normal. The not knowing the why is very difficult. I had even thought to warn you not to take any meds (remember the whole Tylenol thing), to check for carbon-monoxide, etc.

Hope you get the Grief Recovery Handbook. It will help you get through all the what ifs, if onlys.

But you are doing fine. When you lost the love of your life, you should be sad. Just part of loving someone.

Continue living and things will get better.

Oh, nams, I'm fine. I'm not suicidal or anything. I figure in 40 years I'll be 81. That's a fine age to peg out. Of course, God may see fit to take me earlier, or leave me around. Earlier probably wouldn't be good. I need to be here for my girls.

You are dern right they were wrong. As wonderful as Bill Harley's methods are, if a spouse is mentally ill or too selfish to try, a normal person can kill him/herself trying meet a bottomless pit of needs.

My prayers are with you, GG...

Thanks, Aslan.

I'm happy to hear that, GG. You're too precious to go any time soon. I had to check. You know how sometimes people will quietly drop hints and loved ones will say 'oh my God, how did we miss that?' I didn't want that to be the case here.

I know. I'm grieving terribly, but life is good. I know this. The pain is terrible, but it too is a gift from God. I'm just grateful that the physical shock is over. I'm not shaking, freezing and hysterical any more.

GG - Just wanted you to know that I'm following along and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. There are some here who aren't posting, I imagine, but we're here, and we're hurting for you.

Here is something to think about, GG...Why do you suppose Mike came into your life? There has to have been a reason.

a friend of mine's dad died the exact same way, shower in the morning . . . turned out to be a blood clot let go in his leg and lodged in his lungs, blocking the artery. . . he had stopped taking blood thinning medication because he hated being attached to the pills. . .

without much medical history, these events are called natural causes. .

gg, because you know the difference, you will find another, just give yourself time to recover, and focus on yourself for awhile. .

i was very sad when i heard your news. . my eyes leaked for quite awhile.

wiftty

Soolee, Mike was a gift on loan from God. I don't know why God needed him so badly, but he did. I don't know if there was a reason why he came into my life other than love. I tend to think love was the real reason.

Wiftty, I don't want another. I want Mike. (I'm having a bit of a temper tantrum, because he isn't here, and like a 2 year old, I want him NOW!) Plus, do you remember the conversation we had years ago about the odds of finding a suitable mate as we age??? I remember it well. Thanks for having leaky eyes. You were one of the first to post to me way back when.

I am so sad.

You know what I find so hard to deal with? People who feel a certain amount of relish in this event. One is a family member who seems to relish the event as an opportunity to be much more heavily involved in my life. It's as if it's about the family member and not me, the girls, and Mike's family.

I rather suspect my ex is getting just a twinge of secret satisfaction that I've lost M, but that is perhaps human. I ache all over.

Hi GG:


Here's a quote for you:

"Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't." -Richard Bach.

Please continue 2 take care, and know that we're thinking of you and your family during this process.

-ol' 2long

GG,

I want you to know how bad I feel for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I know you will get through this.

Keith

Yes, I know just what you're talking about with people who seem to relish this event. They use it to generate focus on themselves. I have a friend, well, former really, who has some how managed to become a central figure surrounding the death of a dear friend and colleague. His death has become all about her. I wouldn't want to be her. Some people like the "white knight" position too and will use whatever situation they can to be one.

GG -

Do what you have to, to honor Mike's memory and to protect yourself and the girls. If this person is being disrespectful or making it worse for you, perhaps there is someone in the family who could speak for you if you asked them to. Also, remember you can screen your calls and block e-mails easily enough.

Hang in there.

GG,

I have not logged on for months and did for some reason today.
I had to gasp when I read your subject line.

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I know Mike made you so happy. We could hear it thru your writing.

You were blessed to have him and he was taken from you too soon.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

K.

Thank you, Karona. I appreciate it.

Today has been tough. Tonight is tough. I just don't want to think or deal or do anything. The days stretch out empty before me. I know they will fill in time, and right now people are all calling and inviting me to lunch or dinner or an art show of jello (no kidding). I'm going because it's good for me and I know people are trying to help. Nothing helps, of course, except time.

Anyway, thank you all for your posting here. I do count on you.

The days will seem empty for awhile, as your husband is not there. I'm glad you are going out (yes, even to Jello art). It is good not to be isolated right now.

How are your girls holding up?

Anne

Believer, the girls are holding up as well as can be expected. The older one misses Mike, but also is worried about the financial situation. She just got a C- on a math test. She's usually an A student.

The younger one feels like Mike is on a looong business trip. She knows he's not, but she can't wrap her arms around him being gone for good. They miss him a lot. I'm trying to keep the routine as normal as possible.

I just want to know WHY. Why did it happen, and why did God take him NOW???? I know Mike wanted to retire early, in another 10 years, but I don't think this is what he had in mind. I know we'll be reunited in time, but it's a long wait for me. So in the mean time, I have some living to do just as soon as I get through some of this greif.

We are always here for you Anne... keep posting.

Keith

Thinking of you...

Here's what occassionally keeps running through my mind: What do you do when one of your biggest fears comes true? I've always had a horror of someone dying right in front of me. I used to poke Mike in bed to make sure he was still breathing. If he was awake, he say, "I'm still here." Many of my memories are riddled with black irony. Anyway, the shower situation is one I've actually worried about. "What if someone just collapses? What would I do? What if they died right in front of me?"

So, it actually happened. I've lived through on of my worst fears. That is something that is going to affect me, but I'm not sure how yet. I don't think I'll become more fearful, in spite of the fact, that I couldn't save Mike. I may become more daring, tougher. But, also I know my fears are not unreasonable, and that stinks too.

Has anyone else had their worst fear come true? How did it affect you?

Oh GG..so sorry to hear this. I was surfin' here at work and saw this..my prayers go out to you and your family.

I am praying for peace for you right now.

I am so sorry.

Anne,
Don't overthink things.
Have you seen the movie "The Secret". Someone recently recommended it to me. It basically says whatever you focus upon is what you get. I can't believe it fully, but I do know that focusing on the negatives doesn't help.

It was Mike's time to go. No input from you, only God's choice.
And you will never know why.

I'm sorry you are hurting. And also glad to hear that you are coping, and I know for now it is because you must cope.
Keep taking one step ahead at a time and remember all the blessings in your life.

May God bless you and your family through this difficult time.

I'm always thinking of you. Your tragedy has made an impact on me personally. I don't know truly what you are going through as I have not walked in the shoes you are now wearing but I have faith that you will eventually have peace in your heart again.

Hugs
Ronda

GG -

As crazy as it sounds...I think this is going to make you stronger, wiser, more resolute. Possibly more serious. Possibly more of a thinker than ever. Not that it was cast upon you for that purpose - or that you needed it. It just happened. You aren't being punished. You have experienced life, full circle, with someone you love - from the beginning of your relationship to the end of his earthly life. You are the survivor, and that's a hard job.

Not that it needed to be either of you, but if you were to be the one to go, what would have happened with your girls? How would they have handled it? If the girls went back with their biological father, where would that have left Mike? Alone.

It makes a mark or a tally of some sort on your character. You live through it, so you then have compassion from that point forward for someone else in your familial or social circle who may go through it in the future. And you will be able to empathize completely and hold that person and KNOW...what to say and what to do for them. The words will come more easily. You will be their strength. I truly believe that.

It probably doesn't feel like that nor will any time soon, but it will come. I imagine right now you feel very fragile and very broken, but one day you'll go to bed and you'll realize you didn't cry that day. Then a week will go by, and you'll realize you didn't cry. Then a month. And then you'll realize you're getting stronger and you're healing to some degree - and you might even feel bad about that, but Mike would want you to heal, and you have to remember that.

I'm going to share something with you, but I am not trying to get you to think how I think or anything like that. I just hope that it gives you something to ponder and hopefully gives you some sort of comfort.

I believe when my grandmother died (and I realize there is absolutely no comparison, but since I have not been where you are at yet, for purposes of reflection) she knew that I was having a very hard time with closure. She came to me in 1 dream. It was just 1 dream, because it was all I needed for the closure. (I've had numerous dreams of another grandmother, but I think it's because there was no closure, and she refuses to talk to me in those dreams.)

Anyway, I digress. I will go to my grave saying it was more than just a dream but rather something paranormal. A few days after she passed away, in the dream, she called me on the phone but did not speak. There was an electrical charge; that's the only way I can explain it. It was kind of like when you walk past one of those telephone pole transformers? You can't see it, but you can feel it through your whole body. It's hard to articulate. We 'spoke' telepathically, (yeah, I know it sounds just too strange to be true, but it was) and she asked me what I wanted. (I was pulling her away from a gathering of some sort with my intense grief. She'd been talking to other people and enjoying herself.)

And I said "Gramma, I just wanted you to know that I love you." And she chuckled as if to say "Oh, is that all." And then she said "Well,I love you too." Then I slept peacefully for a bit with the connection open. When I woke up (in the dream) the connection was still open, though I could feel her slipping away again. Fearing it was going to be the last time I would ever get to 'talk' to her, I rushed to say "And everyone else loves and misses you too." Then the connection went dead. That electrical charge was replaced with silence and peace. As it happened, there were no other dreams. It's been about 11.5 years since I 'spoke' to her.

I tell you this, because after that dream, I had no doubts whatsoever about there being an afterlife. I believe that when we grieve intensely for a long period, which you are entitled to of course, it may actually inhibit that person from moving on at a point when they really should be moving on.

I think Mike is well aware of you, what you're going through, and loves you and the girls. I think you need to take the time to heal and not rush yourself. I think processing this is necessary to your emotional health. It won't be easy, but you can do this, GG.

Thank you, Soolee. And thanks, Peachy.

Sunday is here, and there is church. A good place to be, but ever so difficult. I'm trying to take care of myself and the girls, and yet I seem to be able to do so little.

I need to go wrap the outreach gifts to take them to church. I almost can't stand to.

GG,

You don't know me but I just want to express my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. It makes me so sad. It is truly one of those times where there just aren't any answers. Be good to yourself. This is going to take time and it isn't going to be easy.

One book that springs to mind for you is When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kuschner.

Amazon.com Review
Rarely does a book come along that tackles a perennially difficult human issue with such clarity and intelligence. Harold Kushner, a Jewish rabbi facing his own child's fatal illness, deftly guides us through the inadequacies of the traditional answers to the problem of evil, then provides a uniquely practical and compassionate answer that has appealed to millions of readers across all religious creeds. Remarkable for its intensely relevant real-life examples and its fluid prose, this book cannot go unread by anyone who has ever been troubled by the question, "Why me?"

Wishing you healing . . .
S.

I've never had my worst fear come true. I think it was that I would die and not be there for my boys. Their dad was an alcholic and abusive. So that was a great fear and I was extremely relieved when they both turned 18.

You have suffered a tragic loss, just at the beginning of your marriage, and it will be very hard. It isn't fair.

I think it might be a bit easier if you knew what happened. Knowing there was a blocked artery or a stroke might make more sense. For some reason, in our society, we want to know all of the details.

I have friends from Southern Mexico, and there people just die, and no one finds out why. They seem to accept it in their culture.

Hopefully your girls will get through this too, and be stronger for it. But one always wants to protect kids from hurting.

Prayers to you and your family.

Deep in my heart, I don't think anyone on earth will know why Mike died. It was God taking him. I trust God has a plan, and that His plan is better than mine.

I screamed and moaned and wailed in the car after dropping the girls off. It's been a tough couple of days. I just have to say to everyone, this is still better than being miserably married. I was deeply loved, and loved him deeply in return. The whole death thing stinks, but I know it's only here on earth. Mike has gone before me, and he's waiting for me. I will never get over him really.

Went to the GF's church with her yesterday - a first for us (and it probably deserves a post of it's own somewhere). The pastor talked about the coming Advent season and encouraged the giving of "presence" rather than "presents". Despite the clever play on words, it made sense.

It sounds like Mike gave you that gift unconditionally and that you'll cherish it throughout your life as much as any material heirloom.

Holding you close in prayer. God bless you GG and family and H's family. ((((GreenGables))))

Thinking of you today (((GG))).

I kind of the same way that you do about losing someone to death. My ex cheated and it was very hard because he didn't value the marriage or want me any more.

I kept seeing stories of men dying trying to save their families - one in Oregon walked through the snow to save his trapped family - he died, but they were saved.

Then there is the whole 911 thing where partners WANTED to be together forever, but were denied the chance.

Your hubby didn't want to leave you, and you can take some comfort in that. I know it is still very, very hard on you and your girls.

And I must edit to say that I have NOT experienced the death of a partner, so I really don't know how I would feel. Just letting you know how I felt before.

I know what you mean, Believer.

You know, I think people who have experienced divorce can come close to this. My divorce was something I needed to do, but it was awful trying to save a marriage single handedly. Ultimately, I wasn't worth the effort for B. That was terrible.

This is sad, but I don't feel rejected, and that's a big difference.

Weaves, I finally saw what you wrote on the book thread. Many thanks. I'm not sure Mike listens to me all the time now, any more than he was able to concentrate for long times as I babbled at him. LOL. But he's there. I got the sudden feeling today that he's enjoying heaven, and that made me feel a little better. Earlier, I felt he was impatient and possiby annoyed.

This is such a rollercoaster. I just hope that after being divorced and then widowed, I can have a non-rollercoaster decade. That's all I really want.

I don't really know, but have always thought about it. My ex promised to love me forever, and seemed to leave me so easily, and I was jealous of all the people who had true love.

When I read news stories about husbands or wives dying prematurely, I felt cheated. And I know that is selfish. My ex didn't spend any time considering whether to have an affair. He just did it.

Of course, no one wants to lose a lifetime mate. But at least the rejection isn't there.

You and M were married a short time, but are still married into eternity.

Prayers going up for you and your girls. Stay strong.

Believer, I know this sounds weird and may not pertain to everyone, but death is easier in some ways. Harder in others. With divorce, you get the rejection, and some of us who initiated the divorced were originally the rejectees. With divorce, you also get an ex who can continue to plague you, or act as a reminder of the rejection. It's like a pebble in your shoe. It's always there and can be really annoying.

This, I think, will be something quite different. Always there, but sweet too. I made Mike happy and that's the best thing to know.

Okay, I'm NOT going to cry yet again today.

I'm going to go to the parent teacher conference instead.

This is a hard thing. Of course, I guess I would rather have my ex still alive and living a life somewhere. I don't talk to him except every few months, and it is kind of like talking to the checker at the grocery store.

On the other hand, he chose to leave me. He broke his vows, and that colors the whole marriage.

Sometimes it just seems so unfair that those who love have to lose someone, and others just are willing to toss their beloved with hardly a thought.

Hope that you can get through Thanksgiving. I know this is a hard time of the year.

Oh, yeah. He was alive and on the couch. I told him he had been dead for many days and how could he be alive. He sort of shrugged and didn't have an answer.

Then I reminded him of the toys he bought me for christmas. This may fall under too much info, but Mike did early christmas shopping. I found a receipt in his email for Penthouse, and knew I needed to find the box before the kids did. That man had PLANS!
I miss the sex with him. It just kept getting better. I fell in love with him in bed. I know you're not supposed to do that, you're supposed to fall in love first, have sex second. Oh, well.

Anyway, turns out, he was wrong. He is dead. And I woke up before we could try out any of those toys. Poor Mike. I really hope we get to have sex in heaven. Wouldn't that be fun?

GG,

Wanted to let you know I am thinking about you on this Thanksgiving day.

Isn't it curiously funny how dreams can seem so real. I've had some where I could feel them, smell them, and some so real I have woke up shaking in fright and my heart feeling like it could jump out of my chest.

I am thinking of you today (and most everyday)!

Ronda

Every night I sing to my kids. Even when I don't have them I call them on the phone and sing them some kind of song. Itsy Bitsy Spider, ABCDs, Ol' McDonald, etc... For the first year after their mom and I separated I couldn't sing You Are My Sunshine. It would make me break down because of the second stanza. If you don't know it, look it up and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Hope your Thanksgiving is going okay. You still have lots to be thankful for.

It is a blessing that you and your husband were so happy in bed, and that he did early Christmas shopping.

As time goes on, you will remember the good times more and more. And you will have the peace that he was finally happy. Kind of bittersweat, but true nonetheless.

Thinking of you today, GG. I spent mine with 16 other people, so glad to still have my parents and an intact FOO. I hope you had a good meal with your family too. (HUG)

I hope you find some comfort in knowing that stories like yours force people like me to take a look around, especially at the holidays, and appreciate what I have and the people in my life.

GG - I hope you are doing ok today. You are thought of and loved by so many people. We may not be Mike but we do love you.

GG, you're not sharing too much information. I remember that for several months, maybe even a year or more after ex left I had lots of dreams where we were close and heading toward intimacy, physical or otherwise. Even though emotional intimacy was not one of ex's qualities we did know each other well after 21 years together. I was always sad when I woke up knowing it was just me and a future as a family had been thrown away.

It's still sad he was willing to toss the family but I don't have the same feelings of loss and I'm happy and working toward a future and my boys and I are a great family.

GG,
It's nice to read your posts about Mike. They are so loving.
He made a wonderful impression in your heart and that of your children. That you were blessed by his love is truly shown.

I hope you are doing well this holiday season.

You are in our prayers.

I just need to vent. A friend who's having marital difficulties told me that I had no reason to stress during the holidays. Huh? She went on to say that I should celebrate the love Mike and I had. I do celebrate it, but I'm under a HUGE amount of stress right now. Only someone who has been completely blind-sided by divorce and infidelity has a clue what this is like. This stress is from change that was thrust upon me, and I have no control over it. I have no decisions to make about the source of the stress because it's been decided for me. There's no action I can take except putting one foot in front of the other. It stinks, and I'm throwing a hissie fit. So there!

Thanks to everyone who reads this, and for everyone who still prays for me. Without your support, I'd have a much rougher time.

If your friend is not currently nursing a broken nose, I'd say you handled that very well.

Let's hope that your friend goes blithely throuth life and never has to experience infidelity or the death of a partner.

But, sweetie, that is how many people think BEFORE they have experienced this. It is just human nature.

I'm guilty myself. My dear niece went through the infidelity of her husband before I did. She was beautiful, smart, an oncology RN who taught other RN's. She had it all. Sadly, I told her to just move on, she could do much better than her husband.

When it happened to me, I was ashamed of my advice.

You have every right to be stressed. All of these things have been thrust upon you, and you don't have control. And we don't know the reason for any of it.

But you have a purpose and the Lord is walking along side of you, even when you don't feel it.

Thank you both.

And, Believer, you are so right. I have no idea what I may have said to others who lost their husbands. I hope I was considerate, but I may not have been.

I know I may not have been as understanding of those whose spouses up and leave them. The demise of my marriage was a slow, downward spiral. The separation and divorce had none of the trauma that many people experience.

You know, the interesting thing is I do feel God is with me. I'm a little peeved at Him sometimes, but my faith has not waivered; that is such a blessing. All the times in high school and college when I was almost an atheist have paid off. I know what I believe, and I can feel it in my gut.

I do know what I'm going to ask when I get to heaven. I'm going to ask God why he created death.

{{{GG}}} I wish I could do something for you. Neither of you deserved this.

GG,

I have not corresponded with you but I just spent the last 45 minutes reading your story and crying my eyes out. You are amazing in your faithfulness and an incredible mentor for someone like me. All I pray for is unwaivering faith and here you stand in the middle of the deepest sea and you are faithful. Thank you for this, that you can wail and stamp your foot and share your soul with everyone here and still have faith. That is awesome!!!

I sensed you had what I had, a first marriage that was not ever a real marriage and then an incredible gift from God with unconditional, true, soul-sharing, mutual love. I have been married 3 years and have feared he would be taken early for some reason b/c he is so wonderful.

I have said that if he was taken I'd likely not marry again, having loved and been loved so deeply....you said this same thing.

You are on my mind and in my heart and prayers and so, so wonderful to share with us here. I am asking for God's richest blessings on you as you walk through this valley. Hang in there and wail to God any time you need to.

LOVE!

---M

Anne,

She has no clue what you are going through and lets hope she doesn't ever have to experience it. Write it off to ignorance and nothing more...

Yes, we are all thinking of you during this time. Something I do know about you is that you have the wisdom and strength to deal with this.

I am so sorry for your loss. You have helped me many times in the past and if I could lift the pain off your shoulders and carry it, I would.

Keith

AuntieM, thank you for your thoughts. I pray your husband will not be taken early, although with some people if they go at 96 it is still too soon. My faith comes in part because I really questioned the very existence of God early in my life. If I hadn't already done that I probably would not be as rooted as I am.

Keith, Many thanks for your thoughts.

Today was bad. I decided to go to bed without taking Ambien last night. I didn't sleep well at all, and a horrible nightmare woke me up at 3:30. I caught about 45 minutes this morning but am running on little sleep. You'd think 4 weeks later I'd be able to sleep without pills, but I think it will be a while.

Greengables, I don't know you as I've just newly joined again after several years absence - but I just wanted you to know that I'm sitting here, tears streaming down my face, just wanting to give you a big hug. I am so sorry for your loss - so sorry.

Four weeks is not long. You are doing well. Don't be so hard on yourself.

GG, you are doing exactly what you need to be doing right now. Every feeling you have is valid, and needed to help you through this.

It's amazing to read the impact you have on new posters. I know first hand the impact your wisdom had on me and I believe that the wisdom and compassion you have gained over the years will help you through this.

You have many people holding you close to their hearts and in prayer.

May God continue to bless you and your family.

Thanks for the compliments, Newly.

GG, you may not know me, I come in and out of here from time to time and don't come to the After Divorce forum at all. But I just saw the reference to M's passing in a thread over at EN, did a search, and found this.

I am so very, very sorry... life can be so unfair sometimes and it's hard to understand why bad things happen to good people. You sound like you are strong, though, and you and your girls will find a way to get through it. {{GG}}

Soolee posted:
I couldn't have said that any better. It takes something like this to force us to step back, look at the bigger picture, and appreciate what life has to offer.

GG,

I have some issues with insomnia, though it's my thyroid. I just wanted to mention that I also have to take something from time to time, though I take Tylenol PM caplets. What I found was that a full adult dose made it very hard for me to function until about 2 pm the next day. It was kind of like a hangover, to tell you the truth.

With a little experimenting, I came to the realization that 1/4 of an adult dose did the job and made it a lot easier to function in the morning. You might want to think about trying to downsize when you feel ready to do that.

Hope you're doing okay. You're in my thoughts.

Thanks for the advice, Soolee.

I saw my doc yesterday, and he told me not to quit taking hte Ambien, plus he added a low-dosage anti anxiety pill, and I have to go back in 3 weeks. He also told me not to comfort eat or worry that I should be eating right now. LOL. Apparently, he's all for taking advantage of the widdow diet.

Good to see you writing.

Everytime I see you check in I'm glad because that means that you are still connecting and not withdrawing.

I know this is a hard time in your life. Please know that you are in many people's hearts, minds and prayers.

Keep taking things one day at a time, and know that God is watching over you and your family.

Love,
S

GG, I wish I could do something special for you. You really do mean a lot to many around here. It also seems that you are doing well, all things considered. Please, keep taking care of yourself. So many of us love you.

Ha. Today is like that first week. Today is awful. I'm in pieces. But, many thanks Cinderella.

I'm planning to run away in February. If I land near you, I'll look you up.

(((Anne)))

You don't deserve this.

I don't know what to do.

I've endured so much sorrow in my life, I wish I could take your pain from you.

Just adding my prayers for you.

Thank you all. I know there will be days like this, where the grief monster is just overwhelming. I'm going to just survive and hope that tomorrow will be better.

Of course, just to make things even more wonderful, Mike's mean cat went outside and won't come back in. It's 22 degrees outside and windy. I call her but she won't come. The nice cat is safe inside. I can't let anything happen to Mike's cats.

Perhaps we should plan an MB gettogether sometime soon to hug GG in real life.
Does anyone have any time over New Year's weekend?
Is GG available anytime to meet us?
I think there are a few of us near enough to meet, and others may want to join us.

Just a thought. Any interest.

I'm available around New Years. I don't have the kids from 12/30 until 1/1. The first Saturday of the month is when the "young widows/widowers" get together. I'm going in January for the first time.

I'd love to see you, Newly, and anyone else that's available.

Now, I'm going to go take my sleeping pill and go to bed. (I hate having to take sleeping pills. I never needed them before, but the doctor said I shouldn't even try to do without them for a while. He was surprised that I tried that last Tuesday. I'm also not allowed to watch any more scary documentaries, like those on mummification.)

GG - whatever you do, please take care of yourself.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I know that on 12/31, I plan on going to a college bowl game in my town....a local team is playing in their first bowl game in about 28 years. The last college football game I went to with my dad was that bowl game. I want to go to remember my dad. I still have the shaker he bought me.

I would be glad to take any number of you. Well, to have you go with me as I don't think I can affort many tickets.

We have lots of interstate highways here and a nice airport.

Yes, please take care of yourself GG. Many of us are thinking of you.

Dear Hold, Many thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

I didn't want to post this over on ENs since well, it just didn't seem like a fit.

I would like to share a prayer that my pastor uses as a blessing every Sunday. He also used it for my wedding, and Mike's services.

Life is short. We haven't much time to gladden the hearts of those who travel with us, so be quick to love and make haste to be kind. And may the blessing of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit be upon you.

I imagine, for those who are Jewish, you can just leave out the last part.

I'm sorting through Christmas stuff, and look into some boxes I don't recognize. Mike had put them in the storage area when he moved in, and they haven't been opened since.

The second box contains a healthy collection of porn videos, both DVD and VHS. My favorite title that I saw was "Ameuter Spanking." Honestly, I think porn is probably best left to the professionals.

So, do I put it out for my very nice garbage man? Give it to my BIL? Hold on to it in hopes I get my libido back? We never even watched any of it together. That stinks. 'Course he denied he had any, and I know the box wasn't opened since he moved in.

That stuff...I think I'd destroy it before discarding it. A hammer should do the trick.

I'd put it out to the garbage...or offer it to someone.

With all the disruption that can be caused by use of porn, I think I would rather burn it than let someone else have it.

define disruption please

Ok, I was trying to be polite.....change disruption to PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGES!

Sorry....I don't agree....I think it's a case(marriage) by case(marriage) thing. Alot of couples use it to benefit their sex lives. I'm not saying it has never ruined marriages. I've heard that it has. Some women are even jealous of them.

Ultimately it's Anne's decision. I don't want to discuss this too much on this sensitive thread of hers. I'm sure she will do what she feels is the right thing to do for her.

(((((Anne)))))

Ronda

I see nothing wrong with a little porn in a M as long as its viewed together.

Please take the porn discussion to another thread.

Finding that box just reminded me again of all the fun we'll never get to have, and how I was really just getting to know him. I loved and trusted him much, but 3 years is a drop in the bucket. This stinks. I'm so jealous of old couples.

Well, you are getting some surprises about hubby. Most likely he was waiting to share these with you later on.

Reminds me to look around my home and discard anything that might shock my survivors.

Hello,
Just posting so you know that we are thinking of you and the girls.
It's a beautiful sunny day in our area today so I hope it is for you too.
Remember the small joys of life.

Hope you will check in soon. Missing you.

I'm so mad, I'm not speaking to Mike and I'm thinking of leaving him.

It could be that had he gone to the doctor's he'd be alive. I'm just furious. I've never be so angry at him before.

You just might be right! Or, maybe not.

Anne, I don't know if going would have changed anything but I think it's certain he hadn't planned on leaving you so soon.

Are you OK?

I'm okay. Kinda, sorta. I'm just so mad. I'm requesting the full coroner's report, but the verdict was Hypertensive Cardiomyopathy. In other words, if the verdict is correct, Mike had undiagnosed, untreated hypertension. If he had gone to the doctor, he could have been treated. Maybe it would have saved him, maybe not. But, I tried to get him to the doctor just for a "baseline." He didn't want me to nag him. I'm so angry. I've never been this angry at Mike. Ever. I'm going out for dinner with former co-workers tonight. I'm wearing red shoes. I haven't worn anything but muted colors since Mike died. I'm just so mad at him.

Wow, I can sure relate to your feelings. Part of loving someone is taking good care of oneself. And MEN (sorry guys) especially, often want to stay strong and silent, not complain and not go for physical checkups.

My sons' dad had heart disease when he was only 36 and refused to be checked by a doctor. Then when I finally insisted he go, he was already in the midst of a heart attack. And afterwards, he still refused to follow the doctor's advice. It was maddening.

On the other hand, I'm glad that you at least found out the cause. That will give you some peace of mind later.

Yes, go out and wear your red shoes.

And I'm sorry that Mike was being a typical man..............

I have a red shoe 'thing'....LOVE red shoes. :crosseyedcrazy:

Do have a good time. OK? And remember that anger is part of the grieving process.

But, the world always looks better when you have on red shoes.

To the funeral of the man who should have been my stepfather, I wore my black dress and black hose....and a burgundy boiled wool jacket and my burgundy velvet shoes with burgundy organza flowers. He would have loved it.

Get more red shoes if they help!

Well, I guess she is still out in her red shoes...........

Hi GG, just wanted to stop by and say HI! I hope you and your girls are well.

I'll give you an update on my life. I've just finished my last academic semester and that thrills me. I student teach in the spring then I'm employable as an art teacher K-12. I've considered getting a master's now but after this last semester I honestly don't think I could manage it plus I need to make some money. Of course, this economy may make the choice for me. Being in school during a recession is not a bad place to be. What I'd love to do is go for a MFA but the time commitment, both for production and time for creative thought, is the part I don't think I can manage with my boys. That's what this semester has shown me. Who knows, I may be a more attractive candidate without a master's because having one cost a school system more and they prefer cheaper employees.

I'm still teaching pottery one day a week to adults and to elementary school kids as part of an enrichment program at a magnet school near me. I love teaching adults and thought that if I don't get a teaching job I may check out the senior living facilities in my area for potential classes.

I think about you and your girls often. Keep each other warm and safe and spread the love.

Man GG, I sure understand your anger. Being in the medical profession, it boggles the mind how people do not take care of themselves. That being said, there are no guarantees love. None. I've seen people diagnosed w/ terminal illnesses or die sudden deaths, who did go to the dr, who lived well, did everything right, took care of their temples, etc.

But I understand your frustration. You have an answer, now the shoulda coulda wouldas enter the picture. I'm so sorry.

((((Hugs))))

Please know that I am thinking of and praying for you.

Thanks, everyone.

The weather prevented me from wearing the red shoes. I had to wear boots. However, I had a nice time. No, I had a great time on Tuesday.

DW, thanks for the reminder. I also had the thought that by the time Mike met me, the damage was probably already done. If the stuff I read on the internet is reasonably correct, Mike would not have liked the treatment options available, which seem to focus on avoiding stress.

Nams, congratulations. I'm so happy you are done the academic stuff. MFA sounds good but is a huge committment when you have the boys.

Cinderella and Believer, thanks for constantly checking in on me. I truly appreciate it.

Hope you are doing as well, considering all that is happening. The holidays will be hard, but stay strong for your girls. Enjoy being together.

This is kind of a sad Christmas for many - people are losing their homes, their jobs, and generally there is not a lot of hope in the country.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your girls.

Anne, sending more prayers for you these days.

Thanks so much, Cinderella! Merry Christmas.

I appreciate that. I really do hope you have a good holiday. I know you would like to make some changes in it but.....that's not really possible. So, enjoy your girls. Call some friends or family.





I know I will be spending most of the day alone because my children will be going to their dad's. I'd love to have them here for some popcorn and Christmas movies but that's not possible.

The dog and I have been invited to make a road trip to see another MBer 4 hours from my home. Sounds like it might be the perfect antidote to an evening alone.

I'm in no way depressed or anything (frustrated in my job hunt, but that's another thing), but I have a fantasy of running away to the Bahamas for Christmas.

By myself.

Just escaping the whole holiday. The stress, the people, the shopping, etc... Just taking off from Dec 21 and staying gone through Jan 2. No Frosty the Snowman, no Rudolph, no Bing Crosby, no malls, no family drama, etc...

I know that Christmas is supposed to be about celebrating the birth of Christ, and I'm down with that as the focus. But as Christians, aren't we (not including everyone here) supposed to celebrate that everyday anyway? Besides which, I'm in the camp that believes Dec 25 is a semi-arbitrary place holder that was picked to get the pagans on board way back when. What I'm saying is, I don't think the actual date is all that important.

Someday maybe I'll just funnel all the cash I'd normally spend on Christmas and head off to some sunny beach.

A Brilliant Idea, Seabird.

I can't take off until after the 25th because of the kids. But, next year, we may leave on the 26th and go away as a Christmas present.

I know that every December 25th the children leave to go to their father's and that they will be home late in the day on Jan 1. So, I have that hanging over me every year. Sort of spoils Christmas. I have to be sure we're through by the designated time for him to pick them up. He will, however, usually give us a couple more hours if I ask.

Tomorrow I am going out of town. 4 hours north. To meet and spend a couple of days with ChaiLover who owns a business specializing in one of my hobbies. I will leave Friday and come home Sunday. Back to work on Monday.

When I was married we went away with the kids for a few Christmases and I loved being removed from all the obligations. The trip was a big part of the gifts of Christmas and everybody was fine with that.

Though my oldest will be 18 in Feb. I still hold on to the hope that next year I can take them all away for the holiday. If not, I prefer a day at home relaxing, snaking on foods we like, and no driving.

Merry Christmas, GG and All!

Greengables, I remember you from years ago when I was in pain from my unfaithful spouse. I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Rose Red

Hi GG:
Just wanted to wish you well this Christmas and remind you that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Greengables... I'm so sorry to hear this.

I just stopped by after being gone quite awhile, and hadn't even known you remarried. My sympathies to you and your family. Take care, OK?

Bad sign. It's 11:30 am and I am not out of my jammies. I feel like a slug. I need to get on with life. Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.

Hey, GG, don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself the space and time you need to recover your motivation for duties. Be kind to yourself, you deserve at least that.

{{{GG}}}

GG, you've been through much. It's ok to rest.
Mourn.
I hope you have family around you?

I wish I can sit by you for a while.
Keeping you in my prayers.

I, too, wish I could come and sit with you....maybe have a girly party....polish our nails, eat popcorn, watch a movie. Sometimes just a little TLC or a little fun can change things for a bit.

Doesn't it just figure? She's having boyfriend troubles. We were supposed to go out for drinks, and she didn't feel up to it. Part of me understands, the other part is feeling sorry for myself. I changed my clothes and put make up on for heaven's sake. I really wanted to have some fun tonight.

Instead, I'll probably take a bath, feel pathetic, and read a book. For everyone whom I told you didn't need a romatic relationship, I was wrong. (Well, not really, I just don't feel like accpeting my own advice or words of wisdom right now.)

I need a joke. Or something.

"I changed my clothes and put make up on for heaven's sake."

That is good practice for you. Maybe you can join a ladies group that does fun things. I belong to a Bible study women's group and we do a lot of going out to restaurants, plays, etc.

Hope you are doing okay. I know this isn't an easy time of year.

Thanks, Believer. I just hate putting on make up for no reason. One of my problems is I'm not much of a joiner. I've learned through experience that attending meetings or stuff regularly isn't my cup of tea. What I really need is a job. However, I don't want to start looking up after I know what kind of job I'll need. Do I need to be working 40 hours and pulling in my potential? Or can I work 25-30 hours and be with the kids? Or can I do a volunteer job? Because the 401K is up in the air, and I don't even know how much is at stake, I have no idea.

Have a happy new year.

GG, you I have the not being a joiner thing in common. I can be a loner really so I have to force myself into situations with lots of people. The ironic thing is I love to teach adults. I meet a lot of great people who are there to learn because they want to be as opposed to kids who are forced. There is a social and often therapeutic aspect to adult ed. The therapeutic part may just be my experience because I teach pottery, but certainly the social aspect is there.

If you have something to teach others many adult ed. programs are open to new ideas. It's usually quite simple to get involved, contact them with a prospectus, nothing elaborate, just what you do and how much you expect to make. Take a look at your local adult ed. program you'd be surprised by what they offer, it's all over the map.

I have a joke. It's PG-13 though so I'm writing it in white text. If you want to read it, you have to highlight the space below to see it. And for those of you who are quickly and easily offended, you've been warned. Don't whine at me if you read it and didn't like it.

A man was in the exam room getting his annual physical. The doc looked up at his patient and said, "Sir, you're going to have to stop masturbating."

The man responded in a worried tone, "Why???".

The doctor sighed and said, "Because you're having a physical."

LOL @ Seabird!!

Seabird, that was too funny. You definitely got me to laugh.

I'm making cherry pie for dessert tonight. I put up a bunch of cheeries in the spring. Time to use them.

UGH. I'm dying here. This totally stinks, and I'm so sad. My best friend is coming over, but I don't want to be in the house. Oh, shoot, and I just realized I'm drinking green tea! That has caffeine. I'm sunk.

I've found that booze is a good antidote for caffeine.

I love you, Seabird. That made me laugh.

I find that caffeine enables me to stay up later, and therefore drink more booze. That was when I was in my 20's.

If I'm ever in Houston, I'm goin' want to party with you.

GG,

If you're ever in The Lou', leave the yarn and knitting/darning needles at home and we will drink and dance the night away at The Dog, my treat.

Try some music to change your mood. I like it loud. iPods rule!

cherry pie - - - - - put up a bunch of cheeries

Yeah, but I was serious, Cinderella.

And BOoka, how did you know I knit? I'm such a Widda.

GG,
I have nothing to add for you except this joke I found in my archives. I guess it's related to this MB Forum in some way. Hope to make you smile and it's a new year for us all.


One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the *@&#@# is this?", he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. "Mary," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied .."It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'."

GG - I know what you mean. At first, I thought it was a typo but I TOTALLY understand.

When you open those cherries, you get a cheery rush. I get it. I love to can tomatoes. When I open them in the bleak mid-winter, it's like opening a jar of sunshine. TOTALLY understand.

BTW, a while ago, you mentioned knitting and going to a knitting group. I have found an MBer who owns a yarn store. Depending on where you are, maybe we could meet up at that store in Ohio. It's 4-5 hours from me. I've been there. My dog would like to go again. She spent a day there with me and greeted all the customers. (We went back in on Sunday, when the shop was closed, and she stood in the middle of the store, looked at the door, and waited for customers.)

Ohio is 5 to 10 hours depending. But I have relatives in Cleaveland, and I'm due to go see her. I'll send you an email.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GG!

Your Christmas pix were nice on facebook. HOpefully I'll find my files to upload sometime soon. You look good.
Enjoy the New Year.
S

You got it!

Would you be game for Cincy?

Why not? I've never been to Ohio. Cincinatti is probably closer to me anyway. I think.

And Seabird and Booka, don't be surprised if I take you all up on it.

PS: Newly, once I figure out if I'll have any money, I hear NM has gotten a LOT of snow. I haven't hit the trails in 4 years. Or it may be time for a trip to Greek Peak. Unfortunately, Dad sold his place.

GG - we'll have to work it out with the shop owner. I wonder how many more knitters we have on the boards....or crocheters. Do you know of others?

Don't forget to look me up, too, when you come to Houston!

That's right, Cat! Hmm. I can meet Cinders in Cincinnatti (sounds like a poem), and then go meet you and Seabird in Houston. After that, it's a hop, skip and a plane ride to The Lou to see Booka and whoever else. Wasn't Starfish from there? She's not around anymore...

Then, I've got my Young Widows and Widowers group. I'm meeting the Philly ones for drinks tomorrow night and a group from nothern MD are setting something up that I'll go to. The advantage of them is they can get together without fear their spouses will feel threatened.

I guess we could here on After Divorce, but there seem to be many more widows than people hanging here. I think most people that get divorced leave us.

Cin,
Are you in Cincy?
I'll be there president's day weekend.
I hate missing the long ski weekend, but need to go.

GG, The three bear inn isn't that bad, and drinks are cheap there.

Haven't been to GP in a few years.
Check out skipa.com for the 4th & 5th grade snowpass for more savings. I also got the NY pass in case we make it up to GP.

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR.

Newly, I am not...I am 4.5 hours away but I am a knitter and I know someone with a yarn shop there.....a SEX run is a good excuse for a road trip. SEX, to a knitter/crocheter, is not the same as sex. SEX = stash expansion expedition. A SEX run is a trip to the LYS (local yarn store) to buy more yarn.

I finally did some internet research. Mike's 401K, which is sizable, will go to the beneficiaries he named. Had we been married for more than a year, I would have been entitled to half of it, or all of it. This, combined with Mike dying without a will, means that I will get very little money. More than 75% of Mike's money will go back to his family.

I have really mixed feelings on this. Probably, it will mean I get to stay on friendly terms with my in-laws. On the other hand, I feel just a little betrayed. Mike was definitely meeting my need for financial support, and I know he wanted to provide for me after his death.... But, I'm not being provided for. Plus, I have to do all the work.

Now, I have to look for a job on top of all this.

What a mess.

Mike was definitely meeting my need for financial support, and I know he wanted to provide for me after his death.... But, I'm not being provided for.

I'm sure his intentions were to change all of that so that there were no worries, GG. You had less than 1 month together - hardly had caught your breath to allow the whole 'married' thing to sink in, and pow.

You just never know. We don't have a will either, and we've been married almost 27 years. This is the year that I'd like to get a lot of financial things straightened out - ccs paid off, some savings, will made out, life insurance revamped, etc. And hearing stories like yours just makes me all the more determined to do it.

I know inspiring others is such a poor payback for losing someone, but that is often what happens. I've been trying to be kinder to dh and more respectful, appreciating him more, etc., and now the will thing is waving over my head, because your situation makes it all too clear to me that it could happen to anyone of us without warning.

Unfortunately, Soolee, you are right. Being widowed can happen at any age. Get a basic will.

And for all those who are divorced, please check to make sure the beneficiaries on all your accounts are who you want. I'm sure there are a lot of us who would hate to see our ex's get the IRA's, etc.


The good news for me is that I can just ignore the 401K. I don't need to know how much is in there or anything. It's not mine, and that includes the problems that will go along with it. Mike left it to 2 out of 6 nieces and nephews, and 1 of his siblings. One sister and 2 brothers were not included at all, nor their children.

I am so sorry to hear the news. I feel sure, from all you have said about Mike, that he would never have wished for this to have happened.

Thanks, Cinderella. I know Mike would have changed things if he had had time.

GG - I'm truly distressed at reading this. Have you spoken to Mike's parents about it? Have they indicated at all what their intentions are? It's not like you two just met and ran off to Vegas for a quickie wedding. Would they be willing to negotiate some sort of settlement with you?

This issue has given me another matter to discuss with Jill. I want to make sure that she and my kids are protected in the event something happens to me.

Thanks, Seabird. However, there's limited things Mike's mom can do. If she refuses her share of the estate, it goes to Mike's siblings, not to me. As far as the 401K, she's not a beneficiary as far as I know, so she has no control.

Generally, as much as Mike was planning to take care of me, I'm pretty much on my own. I'm still better off than many, many others. I'm not losing my house, since it's mine. I have my own car that's paid. Life will just revert back to pre-Mike. That is something I dread. Not necessarily the financial aspects, although that doesn't help. More the emotional stuff, and feeling that he was just a dream.

A good friend of mine is terminal. We'd lost touch over the last two years. I calle her when Mike died so she'd know. She's really sick.

Now I know one of the things I'll be able to do with my own mess. I can be there for my friend and her family.

However, this really shouldn't happen. I'm hoping for a miracle.

It seems that when it rains, it pours.

Anne, have you ever read 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran?

What he says about joy and sorrow is profound.

No, I haven't read it, Cinderella. Thanks for the recommendation.

I love The Prophet. Thanks, I had forgotten about it.

GG, have you contacted an estate attorney? I know there's nothing to be done about named beneficiaries (although you could try to sue for it, on grounds of the sudden death so soon after the marriage, something he intended to take care of, but ran out of time) but a surviving spouse should be entitled to at least half of the probatable estate, if not the entire estate.

Thanks, CWMI. I do have an estate attorney. In PA, I get half and his mother gets have of the estate.Just a lot of the assets will pass outside of the estate.

I once freaked a very conservative Christian when I suggested he include part of it in a wedding ceremony he was performing.

I don't have 'joy & sorrow' typed onto my computer but I do have the section on love.

Here it is.....

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.

And he raised his head and looked upon the people and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice, he said:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred d bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you ma\y know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To b e wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
Ti rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstacy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

I'm so sorry for your loss~I'm sending prayers your way
xoxoxo

Greengables,
I am an old timer you may remember. I am so sorry for you. I can't imagine how hard this has been after finally finding a true love. I don't know what to say, except I am so sorry for you.

rjd

Thank you, Ms Anna.

And thank you, RJD. I miss Mike a lot, but I've been blessed with wonderful family and friends.

How are you, RJD?

I am well thank you. My wife and I divorced finally, but we remain friends. Our older three are grown and on their own. The oldest is unmarried, but the next two are and we have 4 grandchildren. The younger two, 18 and 15 live with me by their choice. They had a bad relationship with their mother, but that is healing. The 18 year old will be going to college this fall. I graduated grad school and am a counselor in private practice. I checked here after a few years being gone because I am dealing with the sadness and loneliness of my divorce. My marriage was empty, but we did love each other and that is hard. There is someone else in my life. Now that I am finally divorced we can pursue a relationship.

I am very sorry for you. I remember how hard it was for you, and now this. God is a mystery, that is the biggest thing I have learned from my experience. He is love, and his heart is beating for us, but he is a mystery in his ways. I hope you are finding some peace.

rjd

RJD, I hope things go well for you. I know you had a long road to divorce, too. Thank you for your condolences.

Everyone: Please tell me a joke. I'm a complete and total mess today, and I'm alone until 7 pm when my single friends will come over for chili.

What kind of art skills do YOU have?

That's not a joke....it is an 8 minute video link and it's amazing. My son, daughter, and I watched it with our mouths hanging open. INCREDIBLE!!!!

GG, I completely missed this. So sorry for your lose. Hope you made it through VD ok.

I can't think of any jokes.