In monogamy a thing of the past? I am told by alot of people it is. I can see that with the internet and the way society is now that it is so much easier for men to find 'other' women. It really puts me off dating. I have not ever dated - only ever known my fist true love and then my husband of 23 years. He says he just fell out love with me. To me I saw that he had business pressures, money became a huge stress, he started drinking and going out, being bad tempered.... we broke up for a few months and he started dating madly and just loved it. I loved him so deeply, and he still says he loves me, but when we tried reconciling he could not stay away from other women. So now at 42 (though I look much younger) I am single and wondering if there is any point to dating. I joined an exclusive dating agency in a rash moment of trying to move on, but I find I can't accept a date.

You have only been separated 6 months. Most people need at least a year or 2 and some even suggest 1 year for every 5 years married. It takes a long time to heal and we all heal at our own pace. Also, dating is not the equivalent of being healed. And often people date to soon in an effort to mask their pain, but all it does is delay it a while. In other words, don't rush. Take time to take care of yourself first.

As for the disappearance of monogamy, I don't really know the answer to that. I am personally still completely disillusioned with the concept of marriage I hadn't even thought of it in the broader sense. I still feel like I was "duped" into believing that marriage vows were sacred and that by saying them, and having them said to you actually meant something. In reality, it's just a ceremonial gesture, much like cutting a ribbon on a museum that's already been open to the public for weeks. I'm 18 months out and I still feel this way.

It takes one year from the divorce to be ready to date again.

Your not comfortable and it's not right to date before one is divorced. It takes one year to grieve the lost marriage to be ready to date.

I was listening to sports radio and heard a commercial for an adulterous web site. "Affairs guaranteed" was their slogan. I had to change the station.

Actually, I think there are a lot of people out there who are looking for monogamy, although maybe not right after the first date. Dating isn't so bad. It's a lot like interviewing for a job. It's sort of fun, until you don't get the job. Then, you feel badly until you realize it wasn't the best fit for you either.

However, 6 months is really soon to start dating. Rebound relationships are always flawed because you are bringing in the old relationship. Besides, you don't even want to date again. Get to know who you are again, what you want. Be selfish (within reason).

And time may be on your side. Unfortunately, in our fourties the field of available people opens up because of divorce. My mother got remarried at 51! She waited 10 years.

That's just sick.

Agreed Cat.

But not unexpected from a "worldview" of many who have turned their backs on God and reject the idea that the Commandments mean anything, or at least anything beyond mere "suggestions."

The worship of "self" is as old as time.

You know, I don't know anymore.

Most people that I know either are eager to be in a R, or they are so thrilled with the 'not being exclusive' aspect, that it is weird to me. I want to be able to see if I like someone, without the pressure of rushing into things, without being with different people. It seems that most people either want to rush, or they want to NOT settle down.

It is all odd to me.

As for me, I am just going along, doing only what I feel comfortable doing, and seeing just who I want to see. One day maybe my knight in shining armor will come!

I saw a similar ad on TV, saying "Life is short. Have an affair"... I thought it was a joke or something, until I went to the website and saw that it was no joke... I did not realize that this kind of crap gets advertised on mainstream channels. Eeek.

AGG

Sorry for the partial threadjack, but do you all think we could do something about these ads? The one I heard was for AshelyMadison. I'm thinking of calling the radio station and the other advertisers on the show and complaining. I don't think St. Joe's University wants to be back to back with an ad for adultery. If the sponsors get jumpy, maybe the stations will stop taking that kind of ads.

It's all been down hill since they started advertising for tampons and pads on TV. Now, we get penile enlargement, sexual stamina, "gentlemen's clubs", and more.

Yeah, I did not want to mention the name, but it is the same one that pushed the "Life is Short, Have an Affair" pitch.. And we are talking prime time on a network channel, not a 3 am blurp on an obscure station...

AGG

You know I tuned into the middle of an interview a while ago (when I started my car) of some woman who operates a website to connect married people who want to have an affair without jeapardizing their marriages. They asked her why she thought it was acceptable to facilitate infidelity and she said that these people are going to cheat anyway, but this way they don't get caught and hurt their families.

I don't know who the woman was or the name of the website as I came in half way and they didn't repeat it. But it just goes to show there's a market for this kind of crap.

Oh, and I can reiterate my experience on an online dating site. A friend of mine was thinking of setting up a profile and she was showing it to me. It was a Friday night and we were having a glass of wine and joking around. We saw the "intimate encounters" option and we thought we'd see just what kind of creeps would be looking for that on a free website. We put in her postal code with 10 mile radius (she lives out in the country), set a 5 year age range, and narrowed it down to Scorpio only. There were over 300 men!!!! Looking for intimate encounters (i.e. sex)!!! We clicked on a few profiles and guess what - they were ALL MARRIED!!!!!! They didn't even TRY to pretend they weren't!!!! And many of them were online at that very moment!!! This was a Friday night, somewhere between 9 and 10:00 pm. So probably wifey is upstairs putting the little ones to bed while Creepo is down in the basement looking through profiles for sex.

Yep, to say I'm disillusioned with marriage these days is an understatement.

I could not have said it better myself. Marriage vows are sacred, and when i make a committment, i stand by it. I do think monogamy exits today, but it is rare. Look at TV. Look at movies. Look at this website. Look at magazines. Listen to the radio. All you hear is about affairs and mostly people condoning them. I will never condone, nor watch the crap on tv, nor litsen to it on the radio.

Just read this and want to mention that the ads for the agency you are referring to is the same one where former NY Gov Spitzer, AKA Client #9, met his infamous "match". Are you sure these are real ads and not mentioned as part of a commentary on the scandal? I don't approve of it but just remember, hiding the stuff is not going to stop anyone from finding it just as advertising it is not going to all of a sudden make someone cheat that is not already inclined to do so and will eventually.

I was driving by a large prof football stadium the other week (I'm not into football). They have built a lot of stores around the stadium and there was a huge Victoria's Secret right outside the gate. I was commenting to a male friend I was with that I found that so odd. Why would they put a store like that in such a male domain - a football stadium?! My friend said it was so guys could buy their girlfriends lingerie - that they most definately weren't buying it for their wives. I felt sick to my stomach.

I don't know what to make of the world anymore and trust. There are no guarantees in life. A marriage or vows or religion or any of that is not going to guarantee that you can trust the person you are with or guarantee a lifelong relationship. At the end of the day I just have to tell myself that I know I am trustworthy and I will be cautious with all others. Kinda sad.

Women like football too ya know!! Why not have female stores near a football stadium? I see no reason to jump to the conclusion that men are going to go in there to buy lingerie for their girlfriends rather than their wives? Trust me...if a man is going to a football game...he's not thinking about lingerie.

Honestly...it makes alot of sense to put it there. A. men like the visual of walking by a window full of lingerie. B. women like to shop. C. Women drag their husbands/boyfriends in there to buy them goodies to benefit both of them long after the football game is over. Good marketing if you ask me!

People who cheat or who facilitate cheating are like drug dealers and addicts. They will come up with any excuse to rationalize their behavior. "Everybody does it." "They will do it anyway." What nonsense! The logical conclusion is that some theif will try and rob them anyway, why don't I just wack them over the head right NOW and take their money. After all, somebody will rob them anyway, according to THEIR logic.

It is true that it easy to find people to cheat with. I have not dated for about 2 months, but previous to that I had met several married women (not that I was looking for them, I assure you) who informed me that their marriage was 'dead' but for some technical reason they could not yet divorce. Yea. Sure.

There are a ton of very eligable single people out there so there is no reason to have anything to do with a married person.