exWH has been gone over three years, divorce is almost two years old, I still want to puke when I have to deal with him.

This AM the kids and I were discussing Christmas plans, had to talk about Dad and the live-in GF and the presents and the who would be where when.

Then the attorney who is handling my tax case called and I have to prepare for hearing.

So, stupid me, I call exWH and ask if he is doing anything regarding the IRS and quick Christmas question.

I hate, hate, hate all of this.

I am not in love with him, he has nothing to offer me, I am not heartbroken even though I would have preferred my family were intact.

Will dealing with him ever not bring on the Pepto??

Why are you still having tax issues with him?

Sorry I'm not helpful at all. I'm only 19 months out of it and I understand your nasea. I rarely see him but he was over yesterday to help DS move his stuff.

I feel so sorry for those of you who have little kids that keep you tied to the WS. My sympathies to you, Jean.

My stomach still churned years after my XH left me for the OW so I sent him a KMA letter and have never had any contact since. It sure has made my life better! Some day I hope you can do the same.

Tabby,
The tax mess is hopefully the last legal issue that ties us together. Long story, but he is liable for some taxes, I have filed for Innocent Spouse Relief and am in appeal phase.

Melody,
Thanks for the sympathy, it actually means alot to hear that this is just a crappy situation no matter how you slice it.

My OD is 11, 5 more years and she can drive herself and little sis to their Dad's and hopefully, I can be done!

Mel, what's a KMA letter?

Funny I keep forgetting I have my first XH who I haven't seen or heard from in 20 years and I don't feel a thing. I bet I'd feel sick if I saw or heard from him today.

Jean, though your kids can't quite drive themselves, they certainly can take over some of their own planning and arranging (with your permission on a case by case bases). For example, if you need to make minor changes to visitation - especially if the changes are to accomodate your kids (eg. coming later due to birthday party), get them to call and inform XH.

Trust me Tabby, the contact I have with ex is about as minimal as it could be. I bought the kids a pay as you go phone, they call him if they want. Rare schedule changes are handled via text message (rare meaning twice a year maybe).

I do see him for 3-5 minutes on Friday and Sunday when he picks up/drops off kids. I don't have to psych myself up for it anymore, it is just quick, not unpleasant (not pleasant though), not a big deal.

Today there was just the double whammy of the gift issue and the tax issue. So it was about an hour of divorce crap.

So let's see, average of 8 minutes a week x 52 weeks=416 minutes plus three 5 minute phone calls a year=15 minutes. That is 431 minutes a year, 7.183 hours a year of dealing with him.

Other crappy things we have to do:
Yearly check up: about three hours in MDs office
Car tags and registration: 1 hour
My drivers license renewal took 3 hours!


So I guess 7 hours a year is OK.

I could push the issue and get him to stop coming in the house to get the kids, but that is not the part that upsets me. It used to, but it doesn't anymore.

Eh, I guess it is going to stink no matter what, he already has 7.183 hours a year, I should stop giving him anymore than that!

Jean,

Sorry to hear seeing him still makes you upset.

I am in the same boat. I have kids and I have to see him occasionally. The difference between me and you is that I still care about him and a part of me still loves him, even though he is now remarried. He acts like nothing ever happened between us. I try and keep it very professional like he is a business client. Sometimes I think I deserve an oscar for putting on a great performance!

Seein him last week with his wedding ring on just put me over the edge. Silly thing I know, but now that I know there is zero chance for us since he's remarried, hurts.

IC tells me this is what I needed. Now I "have" to move on. I have closure. I told her, no, now I hope the M ends so we still have a chance.

Sick huh?