Well, we've been separated since August. He acted very depressed the last couple of weeks I was home. Our house sold first day on the market, so he had to scramble and is living with his mother, as he had a decision to make about an out of town job.<P>He has decided to take the job. He had told me what he was asking and I told him if he took less he would be selling himself short. Well, he told me they did a "sales pitch" but didn't give him the $$ he wanted. He never would tell me what they gave him, I guess because of what I had said earlier about selling himself short. Anyway, it is six hours away from here. He says he would like me to come down once a month and him come here once a month and "see what happens". By him going for no or little money, I feel like he is running away because he doesn't want to face things here. I really feel left out and abandoned once again. I guess by him leaving it will force me to stop waiting on him to call and get on with my own life.<P>My heart feels like it has a vice on it, but deep inside I feel this is for the best. Have any of you had experience with long distance reconciliation? I'm so confused right now. He says he "doesn't not love me" whatever that means. He says he is tired and wants to find a light. Says he needs to sort his life out. Is the man depressed or what?

I'm sorry Janie. At this point it doesn't sound like there is much you can do. See him if you want. He apparently doesn't want to lose contact. Plan B would be easy--except for phone calls. Of course I'm having all sorts of contact in B, so I'm no good at B advice or whether someone should be in it.<P>I know this is different, but my H did a lot of work traveling this spring, and in a way it made it easier for me because I knew I wasn't seeing him because he was out of town, not because he was choosing not to see me.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

Janie,<P>I have been following your posts for some time. It seems to me that there is much more hope for you and your H than you think. It is obvious that the OW is out of the picture and it is just as obvious that you are still very very much in the picture.<P>I am of the opinion that his taking the new job will be a good thing for both of you. His problems sound more of the MLC sort where one wakes one day and sees the horizon and it is much closer than he thought. He very obviously enjoys being around you but is probably very embarrassed by what he has done, what he is feeling (about himself), and may really be wondering if he should saddle you with someone like him.<P>I hope that you decide to stay in contact with him. As you said he will be alone and on his own for the first time in a long while. I have always thought there would be fewer divorces if everyone had to live on their own for awhile. It makes you appreciate company and what other people bring to the relationship.<P>You could view this separation as a sabbatical from the marriage. I believe you said that you had been married for roughly 25 years. A few months off is not long compared to the length of your marriage and the future time you two will have together. Enjoy, recharge yourself, love your H if you feel like it, and know that you two still have something going. He will come out of this and the new job and separation from you will definitly get him out of the doldrums. (I don't mean that negatively. He will really miss you.) My guess is that your phone bills will be going up. <P>Did he ever decide to take the meds? If he has not you might suggest that with a new start on a new job he needs to be a peak performance and his depression is not going to be much help in that department.<P><BR>Good Luck and God Bless You

Just Learning -- Your post was what I wanted and needed to hear. Thanks.<P>Lor, if you read this -- how did the weekend with H's family go?