And to think, I thought she was asking them why they grope themselves so much.....You know, if my underwear was that uncomfortable, I'd try something new.

she soo crazy!

Doubt it. It is NOT affection. That's what MEN think.

Flirting, testing the waters for later that evening, connecting, enjoyment with his wife.

Having the privilege to touch what no other man can.

What The Road and Mrs W said. My H and I get a kick out of groping each other and it's always fun. It's "teasing" groping so I don't know if that counts as groping. It's definitely affection. Maybe "real" groping would get on each other's nerves, I'm not sure. If I bend over and my H pinches my bottom, I'm delighted!!!! If he's standing at the sink washing the dishes and I run my hand up the inside of his leg, he's delighted!!!

Ditto.

Even after numerous requests to stop and even having arguments over it...it continues. It is an LB to me just one that my DH doesn't get. And apparently most of the guys here don't either.

And most of the women I know don't like it.

Mel:

Now we are getting to brass tacks.

Affection:

Holding hands.
Rubbing the back of her neck when she is standing or sitting. (watching tv of in the kitchen at the stove)
Rubbing her feet when we go to bed.
Giving her a kiss when we leave the room, house or car.
Hugging her, sideways, from behind, or face to face.
Looking into her eyes.
Nuzzling her neck.
Lightly running my hands up and sown her exposed arms. (a light scratching or rubbing motion)
Telling her she is beautiful, ILU, or that looks great!

And doing ALL OF THE ABOVE, with no expectation of having SF within the next fifteen minutes, or that evening.


Groping activities:

Reaching around her waist and grabbing her crotch, breast or thighs.
Reaching inside ANY article of clothing.
Grabbing or rubbing aggressivly her posterior.
Thrusting your male parts against her body and grinding into her.

These activities take place with a blatant intent to initiate SF with the woman, and SOON.

Now, as some men have already noted on this thread, some women, LIKE the groping activites I listed. That CAN be true, but it does come down to WHERE the marital relationship is.

And women, if they are aroused, may not mind some of the groping activities..... But NOT all the time.

When my W is angry with me, I can use the affection items to get back on her "good" side.

And there are times when I can be quite physical with her....

But I KNOW when those differences are. (I've learned!!)

Mel, if Mr. ML is "groping" then it just might be a matter of directing him to do things that are more appealing to you. I imagine that you DO WANT affection. So it's up to YOU to let him know what is appropriate. And also to make sure he is aware when things aren't feeling all that great, when even a easy touch can be a little hurtful. (getting old ain't for sissies, and I do not have nearly the issues that you beautiful ladies have...)

And "groping" can happen early in a R. It's male learned behavior. But it can be modified.

LG

I know some women do like it, but it sounds like some of us don't like it, though. My XH used to do it too and it made me so irritated that just his touch triggered irritation. I see the same thing happening here. I will ask him to stop and he does for a while but then starts back up again.

Those activities are FINE in the right setting, if you get my drift. But when it HAPPENS ALL THE DAMN TIME, it is annoying and infuriating. It feels like being STALKED.

I would tell him this Mel...That is vital information that he needs to know...

Early in recovery I felt that touching ALWAYS had to lead to SF and I wanted "non-sexual touching" too...Mr. W asked that I greet him at the door when he arrived home from work for a hug...That was a time when SF was not on his mind and a hug could simply be a hug...Funny though, now that we are so in tune, it's not an issue anymore...There are equal amounts of sexual and non-sexual touching...But the "home from work" hug played a big part in getting us to this point...Maybe something for you guys to try...

Mrs. W

Mel:

Because you ARE BEING STALKED.

It seems that Mr ML has learned that this is one way he can get your attention?

What have you done to NOT encourage this behavior?

LG

I don't encourage him, I discourage him. He knows I don't like it. But y'all are right, I do need to talk to him about it again.

Mel,

You know, there was a time when my H groped me and I felt like you do now - I was bugged by it. Groping was pushy, it wasn't attractive, and it made me feel like I wanted to just say "STOP!". It in no way made me feel sexy, and did not make me feel like heading to the bedroom with my H. It sent me in the other direction.

I told him this, many times, and he kept groping anyway.


It never occurred to me that I would ever change my mind. I have.



Three years ago, the night before Thanksgiving, my husband and I received a telephone call from the doctor. It was 8 o'clock at night. We knew it was bad news. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and the doctor didn't want us to worry over the entire holiday weekend, not knowing the results.

My husband was just 54 years old.

The cancer was aggressive, and he would need surgery as soon as possible. They would remove the prostate.

This meant he would have just a 75% possibility of being able to recover some sexual ability after surgery.

This, just three weeks after D-day. Now, we had C-day.

We sat on the couch and cried together. No words could express what we faced, what we felt, what we knew. We made love that night, because we feared we had but few times left that we would ever have together again. There would be hormone treatments the Friday after Thanksgiving to steal away what little time there was between then and the surgery....precious time for us together, so soon after the affair.


I could only think, "Dear God, please, let his last memories be of me, and not of the OW." What selfish thoughts I had.

The surgery came and went. A year of post-surgical therapy, and hopefulness began, and we did see our sex life return. There were (and are) prayers of thanks, and now, three years later, a life together looking forward. Hard-earned, with many painful and fearful times, but we did make it through - both recoveries, D-day and C-day.

He is not as confident sexually as before - but he is willing and able!!!!!! He has returned to nearly normal, and we have a sex life that is almost like it was pre-surgery. His confidence isn't the same - that is what is really left to recover, and now, he no longer gropes.


I wish he would - because that would mean he is recovered physically AND emotionally!


I guess it's all in your perspective. I never would have said that before, Mel. Never thought I would have seen it this way.

Schoolbus

I wish I had someone groping me. You ladies are spoiled.

The only time I didn't appreciate it was in public - and I'm talking about groping private parts of my body. That seems disrespectful to me.

Mel:

You of the old pistola, can't get him to stop?

There is something more here.

I wouldn't like to be man-handled either.

Mrs W listed things that happen all the time in my household.

But in yours, they bring.... fear?

What's up?

LG

ML,

I haven't read all the replies, but I just asked my H this question (while he was groping me), and he answered "Because we like to."

LOL! :crosseyedcrazy:

Love in Christ,
Miss M

oh no, not FEAR, but annoyance. And I do talk to him about it, but I need to be more consistent about it. I tolerated it for years, believing that was a "loving" thing to do. But I have since learned that tolerating annoying behavior only erodes the romantic love in a marriage.

schoolbus, ya know, my H might have throat cancer. He has a growth on his vocal cords and had a biopsy done on Friday. We will know on Wednesday if it is cancer. I don't know that that will make me appreciate groping, though. If it is cancer, I would much rather make my time with him more pleasant, than less pleasant. I value our marriage very much, and that is why my goal is to eliminate annoying behavior rather than tolerate obvious lovebusters.

I enjoy the romance in our marriage and that is enhanced when he doesn't grope.

MissM, that is what my husband said too!

Many prayers coming for both of you Mel...

Mrs. W

I don't know. Seems most of the women I was with did more of the groping.