I think, once upon a time, that I read the book that this is referenced from. It was pretty famous, in its time...Women are from Venus; Men are from Another Galaxy, Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar, Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar Away. :RollieEyes:

I guess a better question to ask would've been:

So, women want affection (from husbands, anyway) before they want SF.

What should they do, besides providing the potential for SF, to cause the husband to want to be affectionate?

I hate the attitude that SF is some great gift to a husband, that is bestowed upon him as the wife sees fit.

another galaxy.....

My DH KNOWS he's gonna get it and he still is not the nicest guy in the world. Theory doesn't hold water.

And if you want your W to DESIRE you she NEEDS to be touched "just so" to get her mind in the game. Whatever that just so is. So in the end EVERYBODY is happy, not just one of you.

It's the same old...I'm dying of thirst and you're feeding me hamburgers.

I would think most women on this board don't see it like that. If they understand MB principles then they "get it". However, this might seem a little extreme, but do you want participation? You can have a W who can do it while watching TV or whatever...then you have a W who is lying there begging for more...the difference is that her mind is in the game. And all she needed was some "just so" initiation to get her there. So you choose.

He (husbands in general, not yours necessarily) knows he'll get it eventually. An OM knows he'll get it the next time they're alone together. Big difference.


WWs aren't nearly as picky about the "just so" when it's OM trying to get some, instead of the BH. A sticky note on a monitor wouldn't get me the time of day, but it's soooo thoughtful and sweet when OM does the same thing.

If having to work 10 times as hard as the OM does/did to get some SF from his wife makes the husband happy, great.


And since it's all about you and your needs, there's no chance that he's also dying of thirst. Just make sure you're not thirsty.

OM wouldn't pee in a cup for you if you weren't giving it up easily.

Obviously, I don't mean you specifically.

My biggest problem with this is that most OM don't have to put out near the effort that a husband is expected to. It's just one more slap in the face.

"Hi, honey! As you can see, I left you a sweet sticky note on your monitor. Can I get a BJ in the parking lot, too?"

Not a chance.

This is getting way off-topic...sorry, Melodylane.

Well said Krazy! WW are tempted by the fantasy land.

They aren't lured...they walk into it fully aware and with eyes wide open.

Mel, I'm sorry too if we have TJd your thread...I'll try to stop...but one more thing. That sticky note was the "just so" treatment. It's whatever it was. It got her mind in the game.

Krazy, A's stink. My DH fell for the "you are so great" line. And she brought him food. So we've got sticky note and food...it is what it is.

The problem is that the same EXACT sticky note, word-for-word, wouldn't get the husband the same "perks" as the OM. Even after the A is over.

It just occurred to me that when a FWW puts out for so little effort from the OM and not from the BH, that's one more thing the APs shared during the A that the BS is not privy to.

2.5 years out, and I'm still not bending on this issue. I do what I need to do as a husband and father, but I refuse to jump through hoops to receive SF. I will not put out .00001% more effort than OM did.

He did very little.

I both agree and disagree. I would say that when a guy THINKS he's he has a CHANCE to get laid, it's real easy for him to become the nicest guy in the world. I think that the "hunt" is an important part of the affair for the OP.

But I totally agree that a WW or a WH over-interprets everything the OP does as wonderful. A part of the justification, I guess.

With that said, I just want to add that I always enjoyed the physical part of our marriage and groping was a part of that but of course at the right place and the right time. In my opinion, a husband that touches his wife against her will does not respect her.

Krazy71, given our differences on a lot of topics, I just thought I'd do a brief TJ to say that your last several posts on this thread seem to be "right on the money."

Perspectives seem to be 'in play' here.

It's not a matter of opinion, it's assault...whether it's your wife or a complete stranger.

We don't really disagree on many topics that I know of, just political ones.

Wow. It really is all about sex; isn't it?

SF = Most men's number one (#1, as in TOP, as in MOST IMPORTANT) EN

Affection = Most women's top EN

So a man should not expect his top EN being met by his wife as he strives to meet her top EN...

Maybe I didn't understand that right...

I am supposed to meet my wife's top EN with no expectation of her meeting my top EN while she has an expectation of me meeting her top EN while not expecting to have to meet my top EN...

That still sounds cynical...


If a man really loves his wife he should meet her ENs with no expectation of having his own ENs met and she shouldn't have to meet any of his ENs in order to expect to have her own ENs met...

Maybe I did understand the concept after all.

SF is HIS EN. Affection is HER EN.

How about they BOTH agree to meet each others ENs without the theatrics...

Would we have this discussion if we were talking about doing laundry (DS) and paying the bills (FS)?

Imagine this line of reasoning:

"My wife expects me to bring home a decent paycheck. All she sees in me is a bank account. I tell her that when she harps about money I feel like that's all I am to her, but she persists in asking me first thing on Friday night 'How much did you make this week?' It makes me feel used and worthless."

"My husband expects me to do the laundry and have everything folded just right and put away when he gets home from work. He never wants to consider that the stuff I do around the house has as much value as the work he puts in for a paycheck."

Would that be any different than Affection versus SF?

See? I KNEW this was getting way to complicated...

Mark

ML,

Just to get back ON TOPIC, I would say that pre A, groping irritated me, just as many little things irritated me about my H.

But, when the A happened, and he left, and I was faced with never holding, snuggling, sleeping, co-habitating, with my H again, I missed all of those irritating habits like you would not believe, and would have given anything to have my H back home performing those little irritating habits.

I really don't mind the groping now. I am so happy to be in a recovered M and have a wonderful, changed H.

It is nothing, compared to losing him.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I'm wondering why so little affection (fake affection, that is) is required of an OM before a WW puts out, versus what is required of a husband.

Here's a little story....

Once upon a time a man bought a new car . It was shiny, pretty and not a scratch on it . He took very good care of his car. Washed it once a week, regular oil changes, only the best gasoline. Whenever he wanted a thrill, he would put his key in the ignition and the car started right up. He loved hearing the sound of the engine when he would rev it up in the driveway. He loved his car and the guys were all jealous that he had it so lucky.

Fast forward 10 years. Same car. A few scratches here and there, but he still likes it. Doesn't wash it every week, although he should cause the kids have spilled their drinks on the carpet and it's quite messy. The oil changes come less frequently, and he buys the cheapest gas around. But now when he wants a thrill, he gets in the car and sits there. When the car doesn't start automatically, he pats the dashboard. When that doesn't work, he gets out and slams the door, unhappy that his car no longer gives him a thrill, let alone won't start . And all he neglected to do was keep up with his frequent oil changes and put the key in the ignition like he used to.

PLEASE DON'T THROW TOMATOES AT ME....I AM NOT COMPARING WIVES TO CARS.....JUST A LITTLE STORY ON HOW TO START AN ENGINE.

Beam

Gentlemen,

Groping activities:

Reaching around her(his) waist and grabbing her(his) crotch, breast or thighs.
Reaching inside ANY article of clothing. (OH YEAH!!)
Grabbing or rubbing aggressivly her(his) posterior/(fronterior)
Thrusting your (fe)male parts against her(his) body and grinding into her(him).

WOULD WE NOT BE IN HOG HEAVEN??

(I got excited just writing the above)

We would never leave of the house!!

Anyway, I would like to chime in on the groping. I used to do this until the little woman set me straight. (I had the black eye to prove it)

To me it was a kind of affectionate teasing I thought I was doing. I really didn't think the groping was going to lead to SF, but it was more of a boyish teasing action.

If that makes any sense.

IMHO

kirk